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Wooden Ships (hendecasyllabic)
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Wooden Ships (hendecasyllabic) |
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rrrstop Junior Member
since 2007-04-21
Posts 27Florida |
Wooden ships have no appendices to bring, no manuscripts to draw upon the sparkling ocean spring. Such vessels carry men of arms and horror, and harming us they sacrilege the One and only King. Down in golden glens we slumber truly, with heather-hidden books more precious than our blood. Jesus Christ, the One and only door of life, Whose blessed face we save from wretched flood. |
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Brian James Member
since 2005-06-26
Posts 147Winnipeg |
In terms of hendecasyllabics, I don't think this scans. Reread: "sweet sad straits in a soft subsiding channel." Some of your lines are a little longer than that, but in a few you're getting the hang of it. "Men of arms and horror" and "Glens we slumber truly" are excellent trochaic verse-enders, but you have to gradually accumulate to that with a slower spondaic (or even trochaic) introduction with the tumbling dactyl: "SWEET SAD STRAITS in a SOFT subSIDing CHANnel." Thanks for giving this old assignment a whirl. |
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rrrstop Junior Member
since 2007-04-21
Posts 27Florida |
Well-worn boats beating props up the Ubangi pass dry trees, in the Sahel of the Sudanese. Dark brown cows in a vale of dusty sandhuts stand like crows, an horizon largely phantom. Where we go, be it river, hamlet, desert, We see life, its design, the rising, running full beauty of creation sometimes lost in space so deep... plus it's nice to have supplies! |
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Brian James Member
since 2005-06-26
Posts 147Winnipeg |
Much better! Way to go! |
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rrrstop Junior Member
since 2007-04-21
Posts 27Florida |
I posted another but found it too depressing, so therefore the edit. Thanks for the good feedback.  [This message has been edited by rrrstop (04-23-2007 12:06 AM).] |
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