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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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distorting sestinas |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land 
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how about we play around with the form? Ordinary powers. He’s clearing the space to make a stage In the window I can see that teenage Once-over, the “looking when I think You can’t”. With désinvolture I blink. Clubs have become an end-on stage, A black box full of strings. If you blink You trip and the mechanism makes teenage Heads turn. “Walking used to be easy” you think. Red wines in their sharp glasses blink At you. Speeches are worse than on-stage Fright, you’re you, with teenage Interiors, remembering what you think. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Claire Lucille - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
wings, I'm really liking the word play and rhyme scheme here, ( not too up on sestinas, of late, have to revisit the "Rules"). However, regardless of what the " Rules" say, ya got thumbs up here. Doc |
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Brian James Member
since 2005-06-26
Posts 147Winnipeg |
You changed it quite a bit, didn't you? Lowering it to four takes the "Sest" out of "Sestina." How about "Quatrina," "Tetrina" or something? Another suggestion: The continuity of a Sestina tends to take shape as a result of the repeated words at the end of stanzas being used as the last word of the first line in the next stanza (creating a kind of chain-link effect), which is really nice. What were you going for, ending both of the last stanzas with a mirrored end-word? Or, did your poetry just come together like that? It's neat to mix up forms like this... it gives us a sense of what good they are, what they're capable of, and how important adherence to form is. |
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