Song of Death - Terza Rima

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Poetry Workshop

Song of Death - Terza Rima

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

0 posted 2005-07-27 05:58 PM

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, we did Terza Rima in the workshop and somehow I wasn't completely satisfied with my contribution. Therefore I tried to rewrite this poem. However, when I sent it to Nan, it turned out the stress of one word was wrong. Argh! That's what you get for using a word you don't know how to pronounce!

Anyway, I tried it again and would be very grateful for any help and/or critique before releasing it to Open. Thanks a million!

(The original poem can be found here: /pip/Forum22/HTML/000635.html )

Song of Death – Terza Rima

Bereft of love my life lies on your shore,
Enticed by waves that sing a song of grief:
"With me you'll find tranquillity and more."

Enslaved by rage, in search of Death's relief
I hear my requiem escape the tide;
Salvation at long last the sea's motif.

Embraced by salty arms I shall abide,
- While whispers in the wind prelude descent -
And sink into oblivion to hide.

To me this is a gift from Heaven sent,
- My zest for living scattered on your beach, -
And silence reaches out from firmament…

But suddenly I hear a seagull screech:
"Come fly with me... come here and soar alive...
Come spread your mighty wings," her calls beseech.

"You have within the strength for your survive,
Break out this trance imposed on you by Death,
Awaken by the call of life's revive."

While sparks of life subdue the lethal threat
And Neptune calms the waves with poetry,
The poet's pen weeps tears of deep regret.

Conceding to the call of destiny,
I will defeat the sword that takes my breath
And still its singing blade of agony.

Oh, eerie might with velvet voice of Death,
Your Song of Death can't tempt me anymore
And can't deprive me of my final breath.

Munda

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

1 posted 2005-08-02 11:03 PM

Perhaps this lovely piece has been idling here without critique simply because its talented author has honed it to perfection?

Methinks this revised revision of a repost should stand as a reminder that we need to think about resuming class here in the workshop, ya think??

I still love this poem, Munda...;squeeze:

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