The Man She Met (Another Assignment)

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Poetry Workshop

The Man She Met (Another Assignment)

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

0 posted 2002-12-05 09:21 PM

This one I wrote with even less help.

The Man She Met
~ By Sue ~

She sat there in the rain all day to write
About the man she met the day before
They talked about the weather being cold
He said I hope it does not freeze tonight
Each time the weather changes like it has
My bones they always seem to ache so bad
Sometimes I can not sleep all through the night
The man was silent for a little while
Then said to me it's time for him to go
He seemed to be a nice old man to me
I hope that some day we will meet again

12-5-02

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2002-12-06 06:13 AM

Very nicely done Sue. This sure isn't easy is it!! Hugs.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2002-12-06 10:27 AM

Hi Sue,

Excellent iambics there. May I offer just one tiny little nitpick? At the start of line 7, I have a bit of a hard time stressing sometimes as iambic (I had tio read it the second time to get it right). I'm not sure it is entirely correct but for me it would work better if you broke it into two words, some times. I think thatt says pretty much the same thing without causing a metric speed bump.

Thanks,
Pete

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-12-17 12:47 PM

I do believe you've got this, Sue.
Very nicely done.

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

4 posted 2002-12-17 10:50 PM

Hi Sue!

This poem shows real growth! You inspire the rest of us to try harder.

Shenachie

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 2003-01-01 08:29 PM

She met a man who shared a few kind words
They spoke of weather and of creaky bones
Perhaps he'd benefit from poetry
Next time you see him share a verse or two

jjote
Senior Member

since 2002-12-25

Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada

6 posted 2003-01-17 11:01 PM

I thought at first this was a kind
of rendezvous, a once-in-a-lifetime tryst
we sometimes share with total strangers,
and like ships in the night, we pass each
other and then go our way. But sometimes,
the memories linger. (NO IAMBICS HERE)
My imagination does take on flights.

Great read.

[This message has been edited by jjote (01-17-2003 11:05 PM).]

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