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Okay Nan! First attempt of a Tanka!
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Okay Nan! First attempt of a Tanka! |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown 
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~ By Sue ~ Hopes of tomorrow Are gone with the yesterday Memories are left Promises he always did make Breaking them was his big mistake 10-5-02 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sue Graves - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sue, you need to work on your syllable count...  |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi Sue! It's fun being in class with you and I liked your tanka. I did count 8 syllables in the last line. You might want to drop one syllable. I'm going to try to add a verse to turn this into the Choka thread that Miss Nan described. A heartrending betrayal Destruction of trust Relationships end or mend Do we want to try again? Shenachie |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Maybe I better just quit, while I am ahead. |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi Sue! Quit? No way. This is too good a start! Our SmartChick is too valuable to us. Shenachie |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
No Sue, once you get in this place, Nan locks the door and takes away the key...you're stuck with us! Here is yours... Hopes of tomorrow Are gone with the yesterday Memories are left Promises he always did make Breaking them was his big mistake Here is yours, revised! Hopes of tomorrow Are gone with all yesterdays Memories are left Promises he always made Breaking them? One big mistake! |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Ok Sunshine and Bridget! I went back and reread what I wrote. I don't know how I managed to make such a mistake, but I see the extra syllables in this one. I'm sorry!  I will try to do another one. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
We're looking forward to it!  |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
A broken promise Or miscommunication Sheers the bond of trust. Only time can heal fresh wounds Carved so quickly in the heart. |
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