Little Mice Marching - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

0 posted 2002-09-17 01:35 PM

On my knees
I wait
and watch
from the narrows of the solitary pass
as the son climbs the mind-blind horizon
behind me

– Ready
with gnawed shield in-hand
to stoke coals of berserker-lust
now

cool. Peace is as much a myth as rest
and steel needs rest to rust, so
russet pocks won't touch
my RESOLVE

that

BREAKS CHARGES
THUNDERS JUDGMENT
VITIATES THE STORM-SURGE WAVES
KEEPS THE PASS FREE OF VERMIN FEET
and the sky safe for my son to rise, therefore

I wait
and watch with owline eyes
lines reform in clouds of dust
like rows of little mice marching
and bright
in their little red eyes
I see fear

and smile

because tomorrow
I take the fight to them.

***

Please accept my September offering forged in CA. I am many things, but am certainly not prolific.

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

1 posted 2002-09-24 12:16 PM

This is really cute, Jim...
We once had a mouse in our kitchen and it startled me... so I screamed really loud... and the poor little mouse got so scared that it just stood there for a moment... paralyzed.
Finally, it cocked it's little head and began mocking me with it's eyes as if to say
"why are you afraid of ME, lady... I am so little and you are so big"
Maybe I'll turn that into a poem someday...
But I love your little puffs of dust here...
Very original

~ chipmunk hugs for the mice

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 2002-09-24 05:14 PM

LOL. Interesting interpretation. Not my original intent by any means, but I kinda like your take on it and, after reading it, can see how you could have read it that way.

A few clues to my intent ... "mind-blind horizon" and repeated use of "son".

Thanks for replying.

Jim

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2002-09-24 06:06 PM

Well Jim, since I remember this from CA, I won't give it away. But I too thought Lyra's interpretation was interesting and well thought out.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

4 posted 2002-09-26 12:35 PM

I was startled by the fierce tone of this poem but then realized that there is nothing more fierce than a parent protecting his child. You described it so well.

Shenachie

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 2002-10-02 02:38 PM

Prolific? Who needs prolific when they've got what you've got? I see you in your protective gear here - ready to take on whatever obstacles may befall - just to give that little guy the same shot at the horizon as every other sonrise... You're an inspiration to me, m'friend...

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

6 posted 2002-10-03 09:55 AM

Nan:

Thanks for the good words. Thanks. Donovan is doing fabulously well in the private school, by the way. My efforts (and achievements) pale in comparison to his.

Bridget:

Thanks for replying. You are right about the ferocity of parents protecting their children from harm.

Pete:

Thanks for the reply.

Jim

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

7 posted 2002-10-03 10:27 AM

Jim,

This was fantastic to read, really...

but I stumbled at
BREAKS CHARGES
THUNDERS JUDGMENT
VITIATES THE STORM-SURGE WAVES
KEEPS THE PASS FREE OF VERMIN FEET

all the capitalization distracted me a lot... led me to ask couldn't you have had these lines in italics or bold?

well... "vermin feet" is a classic

anyway enjoyed this one...

regards,
sudhir

Tammy Blessing
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 366
PA

8 posted 2002-10-03 07:57 PM

Wow! This is really a great write! I see the protective nature of a parent as well as a little bit of (dare I say it??) Medival imagery.. Don't suppose you ever read the Dragonlance Chronicles, did ya'? As I read this it brought to mind all the old D&D games my friends and I used to play. I really enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of your writes.
Peace,love, light and happiness
Tammy

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.