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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Midnight after Green |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind 
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One I am working on for Open.....I am not sure it feels right... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Give me stars, let them spill from your palms, between your fingers, in bars of blue and red evidence pure; Through smoked glass midnights coil -- descending to dusk I stood in circles of light casting shadows in white arc in contrasting oils black masks dangled like bats earthbound from tin roofs {haunting really} I took from wells landscapes of water -- spiral sunsets reaching outward in delicate brushings of southern winds here Dwelling in abstract pictures, earth trembles rain of green, tapping buildings of stone {between acts you described, sipping wine & stained plums -- for the Eden of 'wildlife' by a glass wall} Each day the same, I stood, again beside you; carried you in slumber of small songs and dreams: laughing {Heaven paused for reception shaking seas fire and steel beginning long nights} The canvas needs more veil there is nothing; no middle candles melt slowly the moon; no where in sight I again stood in corners of horizons watching petals fall illuminations in exact shades weightless through open night The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket |
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| © Copyright 2002 Lauren~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chitsank Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 88 |
A real beauty. Enjoyed the poem |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Greeneyes, I enjoyed this. While I understand the concept of stringing seemingly random images together to form such a wonderful collage , it appears to be beyond my ability at this point. Doc |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Hey there... I realy loved this one... but since you are looking for some opinions... I did what I could do and came up with this... what do you think? Give me stars, let them spill from your palms, between your fingers, in bars of blue and red evidence pure; Through smoked glass midnights coil -- descending to dusk I stood in circles of light casting shadows in white arc in contrasting oils black masks dangled like bats earthbound from tin roofs {haunting really} I took from wells landscapes of water -- s p i r a l sunsets reaching outward in delicate brushings of southern winds here Dwelling in abstract pictures, earth trembles rain of green tapping buildings of stone {between acts you described, sipping wine & stained plums -- for the Eden of 'wildlife' by a glass wall} Each day the same, I stood, again beside you; carried you in slumber of small songs and dreams: laughing {Heaven paused for reception shaking seas fire and steel beginning long nights} The canvas needs more veil there is nothing; no middle candles melt slowly the moon; no where in sight I again stood in corners of horizons watching petals f a l l illuminations in exact shades weightless through o p e n n i g h t  Regards, sudhir |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Sudhir Iyer~ Its fantastic, really and thank you so much for your in put...  ~~~~~ chitsank~ Thank you for reading and responding... DrMoose1~ I appreciate you too...thanks much for the input... Lauren~ The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (08-22-2002 12:40 AM).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Lauren: This is really good. Taking a stab ... the jumble of thoughts of a painter in the midst of attempting to transfer the painting in her mind to canvas. Very nicely done. Jim P.S. Is there actually a painting that goes with this poem? |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
You do free verse so well, Lauren... I have always admired your poetry... I am just a new comer to free verse, and things still feel funny to me without the rhyme... but I am learning to enjoy it.  ~ hugs in verseLyra |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Jim~ Only the picture in my mind....sadly I never learned the talent of painting.....thank you for your input and comments....hugssss ~~ Lyra~ what a sweet compliment...thank you...I admire you and your words as well.....HUGSSSSS you ~~ Lauren~ http://members.tripod.com/~greeneyesofseduction/booindex.html The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (08-24-2002 11:25 PM).] |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Beautiful word painting! Shenachie |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Your mastery of imagery is obvious, Lauren - I like your finale best.. quote: Free verse is like a painting, isn't it? Who's to tell when it's complete?.. There always seems to be something that can be changed ever so slightly - at least from the vantage point of the artist - The rest of us simply enjoy it as we see it...  |
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