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Prairie Inkwells
Junior Member
since 2002-02-04
Posts 13
Kansas

0 posted 2002-08-05 07:00 PM



Secrets of O'Dool
Irishman playing the fool
Glory oft refined

By reading a book
How to become a rebel
Transposing techniques

False beliefs belies
Ideals they are striving for
I'm a conformist

~*~

These are by Max.He would like any input you are willing to share.Thank you!

© Copyright 2002 Prairie Inkwells - All Rights Reserved
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
1 posted 2002-08-07 12:09 PM


Hi Max!

Isn't O'Dool's a non-alcoholic beer? Or do they also make alcoholic brews, too? Pleading ignorance here.

I think Guinness would be more to the taste of an Irish conformist if you consider alcoholism an Irish tradition.

Your senryu's were very thought provoking.  I was glad to read your posting in the workshop.

Shenachie

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2002-08-11 11:18 AM



Max, I know how you have been working on Senryus and Haikus.  You've come a long way!

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
3 posted 2002-08-23 10:35 AM


Hey Max... These are super senyru...

The only guidelines are the syllable/line counts, as haiku are by nature - about nature...

I would only suggest that in this senyru
False beliefs belies
Ideals they are striving for
I'm a conformist

For the purposes of agreement, I would change the first line to read
False beliefs belie


Nice work, m'friend..

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