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Keeper of dreams
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Keeper of dreams |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands 
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Now you tell me if I did something right this time, thought it was dactylic...but what...what next???? Keeper of dreams, in my heart he will rest till the dawn of the day comes to rise Holding him tight I will cherish him there for he always is in for surprise Last time I dreamt it was such a weird dream and I know that he smiled towards me Walking a path crossing meadows with sheep but the grass was not grass it was tea Somehow the sheep they could swimm very well while they sucked in their food with a straw Couldn't believe that I saw what I saw but they waved at me with their wet paw Scared me to death so I ran rather fast towards I thought was end of this road Holding my breath there was something real big till I saw it was only a goat Here now you swine he was yelling quite loud while he showed me an ear tag real big First I just laughed at the thought being tagged but his serious face made me sick Tapping his back I said sorry dear lad but the tagging is only for sheep Walking straight through he just vanished in air and I sank in the tea really deep Then I was flying on wings of a dove rather big for my weight he could hold Nowhere in sight was a piece of my land I could tell for the sun was too cold Then I woke up with the cat on my face and her fur was all wet big surprise Keeper of dreams in my heart he will rest till the dawn of the day comes to rise Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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| © Copyright 2002 Titia Geertman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Enjoyed reading this, Titia. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Bravo. I found one line that I think is missing a word and I'm sure that was just a typo. quote:I think it should be, ... thought was THE end ... Technically, I suppose a dactyllic line should end with the two unstressed syllables but that is really hard to do and make it sound the least bit interesting. The is a name for adding a syllable at the beginning or end of a line but I can't remember what it is. I think this is perfectly acceptable and makes for a much easier and more catchy read than if you had not added the stressed syllables. Excellent work, my friend. Pete |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Thanks Sue, I'm trying. Not a Poet, Scared me to death so I ran rather fast towards I thought was end of this road This line is good as it is, because when I should put the 'the'in, the meter wouldn't be right anymore. Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Strictly speaking, you may be right. But, I believe towards reads much better as one syllable or sound in this context. No matter how hard I try to read it as you intended, it still keeps coming out this way to me. Scared me to death so I ran rather fast towards I thought was the end of this road It just sounds funny to try pronouncing towards a two complete syllables here. In the language that Poe described it, I probably shouldn't say two syllables but should refer to it as the time that two syllables would require. Of course, this is just my untrained opinion but it's what I see anyway. And I still say bravo! You have done very well. Thanks, Pete |
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Muys Member
since 2002-04-06
Posts 389The Netherlands |
Well you could be right, I won't argue on this, for my pronounciation of English sure is quite different from yours, and as it is your native language, I will follow your explanation. Thanks for the compliment Titia Life on the internet begins at...90! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Titia, Indeed , an excellent job with this. Your meter is flaw-less (except where Pete mentions).To repeat what so many others have said here, " I don't know how you do it ". I have all I can do to write in one language! Doc |
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