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Third Attempt at Iambic Meter
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Third Attempt at Iambic Meter |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown 
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Ok Balladeer! If I ever get this right, I will keep on doing it, until I really understand it. If that is ok with you? Sometimes, I do something without realizing I did it. But, then I wouldn't be able to do it again. LOL! Can you believe that? She moved five hundred miles away I use to write her everyday I waited for her to write me back As the days turn to pitch black Remembering when she was small The things she did I do recall She always pushed me far away With me she never wanted to stay I use to have some hope inside That someday she would love me true Instead she leaves me feeling blue Families should stick together She still is my baby sister By Sue 6-29-02 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sue Graves - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sue, I'm afraid you had an off-night here.  I'm afraid there are many errors here. I will list them without going into detail and you can take it from there. Don't worry..we'll get it!  3rd line....one syllable too many 4th line....one syllable too few 8th line....one syllable too many 9th line ...has no corresponding rhyming line . . i WAIT-ed for HER to WRITE me BACK ------ as the DAYS turn to pitch BLACK ------- ------------- with ME she NEV-er WANT-ed to STAY ----- FAM-i-LIES should STICK to-GET-her --------- SHE still IS my BA-by SIS-ter --------- [This message has been edited by Balladeer (06-29-2002 07:03 PM).] |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Well darn! I will give it another try.  |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Smart CHick, so sorry we got disconnected, but you have the best teacher of meter helping you along. It is so important to underatnd the stresses, and the best way to do this is to read your poem aloud. Read aloud what Balladeer has written. Try to understand what a stress is. Keep it up, Lady poetess. Liz (My e-mail still doesn'r work on outgoing mail) |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Balladeer is wonderful, isn't he?... Thankya, Deer - You're helping this SmartChickie immensely..  |
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