Third Attempt at Iambic Meter

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SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

0 posted 2002-06-29 01:11 PM

Ok Balladeer! If I ever get this right, I will keep on doing it, until I really understand it. If that is ok with you? Sometimes, I do something without realizing I did it. But, then I wouldn't be able to do it again. LOL! Can you believe that?

My Baby Sister
She moved five hundred miles away
I use to write her everyday
I waited for her to write me back
As the days turn to pitch black
Remembering when she was small
The things she did I do recall
She always pushed me far away
With me she never wanted to stay
I use to have some hope inside
That someday she would love me true
Instead she leaves me feeling blue
Families should stick together
She still is my baby sister

By Sue 6-29-02

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 2002-06-29 06:59 PM

Sue, I'm afraid you had an off-night here.

I'm afraid there are many errors here. I will list them without going into detail and you can take it from there. Don't worry..we'll get it!

3rd line....one syllable too many
4th line....one syllable too few
8th line....one syllable too many

9th line ...has no corresponding rhyming line
.
.
i WAIT-ed for HER to WRITE me BACK
          ------

as the DAYS turn to pitch BLACK
-------              -------------

with ME she NEV-er WANT-ed to STAY
                                          -----

FAM-i-LIES should STICK to-GET-her
---------

SHE still IS my BA-by SIS-ter
---------

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (06-29-2002 07:03 PM).]

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

2 posted 2002-06-29 09:37 PM

Well darn! I will give it another try.

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

3 posted 2002-06-30 10:19 AM

Smart CHick, so sorry we got disconnected, but you have the best teacher of meter helping you along. It is so important to underatnd the stresses, and the best way to do this is to read your poem aloud. Read aloud what Balladeer has written. Try to understand what a stress is.
Keep it up, Lady poetess.
Liz
(My e-mail still doesn'r work on outgoing mail)

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

4 posted 2002-07-04 08:42 PM

Balladeer is wonderful, isn't he?... Thankya, Deer - You're helping this SmartChickie immensely..

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