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Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2002-02-18 11:18 PM



Ok folks...here's my attempt. Dig into it!


Commonalities come to play
But wisdom leads me on
When hierarchies have their way
Commonalities come to play
Steadfast speakers have their say
Representatives sing their song
Commonalities come to play
But wisdom leads me on

© Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
1 posted 2002-02-19 12:38 PM


Sunshine--

I applaud your triolet!  Great subject matter!  I was so impressed with your unique expression of being unique and creative in the midst of conventional wisdom.

Thanks for sharing this poem, these pages, and your insights  You're tops in my book!

Shenachie

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
2 posted 2002-02-20 06:22 PM


You call this an attempt? Geesh, I call this a Triolet and a good one too!
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2002-02-20 09:00 PM



Yes, Munda, seriously, my first attempt.  Please, tell me where I can improve.  This was not easy!!

As Shenachie well knows, I had to WORK on this one!!!

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (02-20-2002 09:01 PM).]

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
4 posted 2002-02-21 02:24 PM


<3 You took the challenge and did it, and that is also so beauifully done.


[This message has been edited by Mysteria (02-21-2002 07:34 PM).]

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
5 posted 2002-02-21 03:47 PM


Well, it sure looks good to me Sunshine.
amigo
Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 520
the earth school
6 posted 2002-02-21 05:48 PM



Karilea....i liked your words here, you call this an attempt?...to me, it's just perfection dear...


Sharon dear...i like what you say too, but to paint a pic is hard for me, i prefer triolets instead (though chiklets are the BEST)...anyway, as far as i know, this is a eight line form, with a rhyme scheme of ABaAabAB....so, the 5th & 6th lines in yours may need some small adjustment,... that's all from this novice here....

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
7 posted 2002-02-23 10:05 AM


This is a good one Sunshine.
Keep them coming.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Check out my new website: lookheretitia.fcpages.com (I didn't 'link' this, so it won't take too much space).I

Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
8 posted 2002-02-24 01:29 PM


Looks pretty good to me... We did'nt say anything about meter on this one, just rhyme scheme... ergo.. I'd say it's wunnerful...
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2002-02-24 05:10 PM



Meter? There's got to be meter?  Darn it all anyway...

where's the meter reader when you need her?

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