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Triolet Exercise
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Triolet Exercise |
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Prairie Inkwells Junior Member
since 2002-02-04
Posts 13Kansas |
Okay folks! The Prairie Inkwells writer's group has struck again! This time Schenachie worked on a Triolet, and for us that don't know any better, we all think she did a bang-up job, or so Charlie would say [that's Dickens to you...] So give it a whirl, and tell us what you think.... Triolet Exercise I have never met a better friend than you, who always stood with me. Through joyful laugh or sad heart mend, I have never met a better friend. The happiest I have ever been was in your faithful company. I have never met a better friend, than you, who always stood with me. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
shenachie, I would say this has all the elements combined into a nice, compact, and thoughtful read. Well done. Doc |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
This is just great  Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Oh boy, this Triolet is so well crafted and pleasant to read I almost missed you cheated on the rhyme scheme, but I gotcha...  Nonetheless it reads beautifully and I love what it says.  [This message has been edited by Munda (02-12-2002 02:24 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Okay, Munda, Shenachie and I need help. [Or ANYONE can help us, but Munda pointed it out] How exactly did she "cheat" on the rhyme scheme. We're still in class and need more lessons, apparently! |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Now who's got who uh? But since I was so "kind" to point this out (will I ever again? LOL), I shall try to explain. Since the rhyme scheme is: ABaAabAB - line # 3 and 5 are supposed to rhyme with # 1 -4 and 7 right?Blame it on my foreign tongue, but no matter how I pronounce it, I can't make "friend - mend and been" rhyme. Yeah I know... let's see if I can write a Triolet puzzle as good as this one myslf uh? (And without help this time! ) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ok Munda, I see what you mean, and over here, "friend" and "mend" would rhyme, with "been" [sounding like the name "Ben"] being more of a "slant rhyme". BUT...Nan gets final say on whether or not this qualified as a triolet, right? By the by, anyone want to pronounce Triolet for us? Phonetically, I've been pronouncing it tree-oh-lay, while, when looking for information on this style of poetry, the poet from whom I garnered some information rhymed it with "get" making it "Tree-0h-Let". Who can tell me, which is correct? |
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amigo Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 520the earth school |
Kari dear, ummm...i think i can try & help you here.. Directly from the Poetic Dictionary of Terms TRIOLET (TRY-uh-lut) (& this is directly from Nan's post - February Triloet...)  now, coming to the exercise...i really liked the idea & words here...but, the rhyme, i was also little confused...'friend - mend - been'...but then, i'm still in kindergarten here, so, no comments... instead, the 5th line...i thought as...'the happiest time i ever could spend' - something like that...also, i think i would prefer a friend stand 'by' me than 'with' me... well now, that's it from this beginner here....great work, you're doing, Karilea...will you be having a writers' group in our area too & if so, can i join too.... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm not doing the work, amigo, my friend...it's a joint effort! Thank you for all of the explanation! As for having a writer's group in YOUR area? Awesome thought...covering the earth... but I think Ron has that covered! You're more than welcome to drop in whenever you're circling Kansas...  |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Hmm... I see what you mean, but wouldn't it be a shame for this Triolet to be perfect only to those who pronounce "been" as "ben"?  Sorry, I couldn't resist! Does that mean no Brownies for me this time? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You've got me, Munda! Sending brownies by snailmail...[not really, I think they'd spoil by the time they left the states, IF they got to leave the states!] [I must find a brownie graphic!]...and I will share this with Shenachie...and I'm still trying to figure out what to write for my own triolet! |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read my triolet exercise and to comment. My thanks to Munda for questioning the rhyme scheme. I was cheating a bit using the slant rhyme of "been". I do want to write with clarity and to get as close to perfection as I can. I do want to reach beyond the American readers and it helps to know what doesn't sound right. Amigo--I think that you came up with the perfect fix. I agreed with all of your suggestions. We need you at the Prairie Inkwell meetings. My thanks to you. Sunshine--A special thanks to you for posting this poem, along with the others, and for introducing the Prairie Inkwells to these wonderful people. Shenachie |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Shenachie, Been, pen, when, then. Bean, mean, clean, wean. I had no problems at all with the rhyme in this piece. 'Twould be a bane if your been wouldst be pronounced as a boon ( though some may think to trounce me as a loon) I liked it as was written. Doc |
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Lady in Red Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 147 |
Oh don't you listen to Munda, Bridget! She's such a busy body at times! You wouldn't believe the things she does for Brownies. Good thing I escape her from time to time, otherwise she'd be such a bore! Romeo, Romeo, where fart art thou... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is wonderful... Methinks that Sunshine has a pretty good friend here.. or is it Bridget who has the good fortune??.. Both, no doubt.. The only nips & tucks I'd consider here are in the meter (if you're trying to conform - of course)... Some of your lines start with LONG stressed syllables and some begin with short, unstressed syllables. To be uniform, a couple of syllables here and there would make a difference... I've approved you for posting on your own, Bridget... Happy Day...  |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Sheri, I had to search to bump but here it is. *bump* |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Thanks for the kind words, Lady and Doc. Methinks Munda and Amigo had some great input. Nan, I'm still totally at a loss about what the meter should be, so I'm wrapping this one with my imperfect best... And on to the limericks and pantoums. Triolet Exercise I have never met a better friend, than you, who always stood by me. Through joyful laugh or sad heart mend, I have never met a better friend. The happiest time that I could spend is in your faithful company. I have never met a better friend, than you, who always stood by me. Shenachie [This message has been edited by Bridget Shenachie (03-05-2002 02:20 AM).] |
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