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when shadows dance (triolet)
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when shadows dance (triolet) |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA 
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when shadows dance with whispering winds i turn my back to stop the chill and watch the path where you had been when shadows dance with whispering winds 'neath moonlit trees and ragged limbs i wait to hear your footsteps still when shadows dance with whispering winds i turn my back to stop the chill |
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| © Copyright 2002 Mike Powers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Packratmike, If I understand the format ( which is still questionable), I would say you've done very well with this. It is well structured, has good rhyme, meter, and content. Doc |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Thanks Doc... I enjoyed this format...kinda like trying to make sense of a puzzle. Glad you liked it. Mike |
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cwebb Junior Member
since 2002-01-19
Posts 34 |
(brrr!) - wonderful! Cleverly done, this might be whispered around a campfire, preceding the telling of ghost-stories..! Carol |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
WOW WOW very nice one. Time to get to work on mine. Great job you did Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Nice job Mike. It has a sort of spooky feel to it but it also could speak of lovers. I like it. Pete |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
KEWL! I like it, I like it! As much as I love Pantoum and Villanelle, I'm having a hard time with Triolet. Well done! |
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Casidy Junior Member
since 2002-01-27
Posts 36The Heart of Texas |
*shivers*... this one made me smile... and gave me a much more defined feel for this format... Thank you ;-) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Okay...you guys keep showing me perfect, and one of these days I'll pop in with my own attempt! |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Carol...thank you, when I finished this one I did notice a haunting feel to it. I don't think it was intentional but who knows what my subcon is up to??? Titia...thank you, glad you liked it and I'm looking forward to reading yours. Pete...thank you, I think my original idea was to portray love lost and sought again...spooky just seemed to slip in. Munda...A PANTOUM FAN!!! I've missed yours if you've been posting any here...I'll have to search for them...I love pantoums...anyway just as a pantoum seems to take on a life of its own, so did this triolet..they're magical. Glad you liked this one. Casidy...thank you...I tried not to get too wordy or hung up on long phrases in this format...seemed to help me. Glad you liked it. Sunshine...thanks for reading and I look forward to reading yours soon. Mike |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Psst Mike... if we ask Nan nicely and bring some apples, she might be willing to do another Workshop on Pantoum... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nicely done, indeed... My only glitch is the rhyming of 'been' with 'winds'... It's close, though - We can chalk it up to 'assonance'..  "Whispering" can be schmoozed to fit the meter, depending upon the dialect within it falls... Although I say WHIS-per-ING, some may say WHIS-p'ring - In which case it fits nicely into the meter... Kewl triolet...  |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
We can do a pantoum again - sounds like a plan to me... |
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