Gone (first attempts at triolet)

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cwebb
Junior Member

since 2002-01-19

Posts 34

0 posted 2002-02-04 09:39 PM

I.

I’d forgotten what it meant
to feel your loving hands on me;
in all that time, until you went –
I’d forgotten what it meant,
‘til I remembered that it sent
me soaring – that it set me free.
I’d forgotten what it meant
To feel your loving hands on me.

II.

These walls that bound my living space
are filled at night with whispered sound -
and waking, I remember your embrace.
These walls that bound my living space
are prison walls – and ‘round them, chase
cruel shadows (and the image of your face.)
These walls that bound my living space
are filled at night, with whispered sound.

III.

The world we’d built (which always seemed
formed of passion, built on sand) -
we dreamed that loving could redeem
the world we’d built, which always seemed
impossible, you know – we dreamed
of permanence, and schemed… we planned
the world we’d built, which always seemed
formed of passion... built on sand.

Tracey
Member Elite

since 2001-08-29

Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding

1 posted 2002-02-04 11:42 PM

Geez, teach barely posted the topic yet, and you’ve got an assignment done already!! I can see who’s gonna be getting the gold star this month!!
Seriously, I still don’t know what a triolet is, but if this is one, it’s very pretty. I can’t comment on the form, not knowing what the form is supposed to be, but this is very nicely done.

If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please?

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2002-02-05 10:11 AM

Bravo. So quick. I especially enjoyed the first two because of the way you managed to make the repetition seem to disappear. I almost had to go back and check that you actually followed the form.

Thanks,
Pete

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

3 posted 2002-02-05 12:11 PM

Wowsa, these are great! You make it look awfully easy!

cwebb
Junior Member

since 2002-01-19

Posts 34

4 posted 2002-02-06 06:56 AM

Thanks - triolet is MUCH easier than sonnet! (still working on that one..!) As someone who'd only ever written free verse, I think it's intriguing to study this more formal structure... I get the sense that what we do is erect a structure - and then PLAY in it, like a jungle-gym - however we can! Nan, this workshop is wonderful for that (of course I only have half my hair left from tearing the other 1/2 out while attempting the sonnet form!)

Carol

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

5 posted 2002-02-06 06:48 PM

Carol, thanks I now know how to write a triolet, but doing so is another thing.

These are beautiful

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Want to use the pics on my website? Just send me a mail and I'll give you the link.

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

6 posted 2002-02-17 09:23 AM

These are great.. You've developed your theme beautifully - That's an integral part of a formatted work.. and, of course, making it seem like it was easy.. (shh.. we won't tell)...

(The second triolet has an "a" end rhyme instead of "b" in line 6)..

Other than that..

[This message has been edited by Nan (02-17-2002 09:24 AM).]

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