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All Hallows Eve Participants |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL 
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All Hallows Eve Participants (pantoum??) Participants in a memoriam masked In gaiety the celebrants basked Unknowingly outwitted To the darkness committed In gaiety the celebrants basked Participants though no one ever had asked To the darkness committed By the costumes outfitted Participants though no one ever had asked Whose funeral procession filed past By the costumes outfitted They are never acquitted Whose funeral procession filed past? Participants in the unholiest of Pasch They are never acquitted From the blackness emitted Participants in the unholiest of Pasch In a celebration to duty they are tasked From the blackness emitted No light can be transmitted In a celebration to duty they are tasked Unknowingly outwitted No light can be transmitted Participants in a memoriam masked. RB ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. [This message has been edited by RobertB (edited 10-29-1999).] [This message has been edited by RobertB (edited 10-29-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 RobertB - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Robert...although this poem is quite good, it does not follow the format of the pantoum which as Nan stated is:- The Pantoum - Is formatted in this manner. You'll be writing six stanzas - each a quatrain which will consist of lines that repeat in this order: a1 b1 a2 b2 b1 c1 b2 c2 c1 d1 c2 d2 d1 e1 d2 e2 e1 f1 e2 f2 f1 a2 f2 a1 Look over the above format and then look at a few of the other postings to see what I mean. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Robert, if you're talking while I give directions, then I have to say them again... Geesh...... Here's a revised suggestion - and remember - suggestions are just that - not necessarily mandatory changes. Ruth is right about her assessment though - Participants in a memoriam masked Unknowingly outwitted In gaiety the celebrants basked To the darkness committed Unknowingly outwitted Whose funeral procession filed past To the darkness committed Participants though no one ever had asked Whose funeral procession filed past By the costumes outfitted Participants though no one ever had asked They are never acquitted By the costumes outfitted Participants in the unholiest of Pasch They are never acquitted In a celebration to duty they are tasked Participants in the unholiest of Pasch No light can be transmitted In a celebration to duty they are tasked From the blackness emitted No light can be transmitted In gaiety the celebrants basked From the blackness emitted Participants in a memoriam masked. This is my suggestion for rhymed format, Robert - the meter we'll work on more in the sonnet workshop - So, be there or be square!! [This message has been edited by Nan (edited 11-03-1999).] |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Oh pooh!!! I worked so hard too!!! Hmmmm that;s what I get for waiting until tha last minute!!! ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
I still do not understand how it is not with what you told me.....hoot help!!!! :-} But I did copy your revision Nan and pasted it to my page http://robertbarcus.web-page.net ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Robert, if you are still struggling on this one, please e-mail and I'll do what I can to help. Ruth |
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