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Legacy (assignment)
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Legacy (assignment) |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Legacy A sailor from the sea of life swept home To rest by Father Time's prevailing wind, A poet penning life's heroic tome No longer searching for its perfect end, My ink well's empty now, no sails to mend, I scribed the verse and raced the final race - There's no remaining contest to contend As I lie now in Mother Earth's embrace. When mourning ends and none recall my face, When I am nothing more than molding clay And left no sign that I passed through this place, To those who may remember, may they say I had no aspiration greater than To earn the epitaph, "There walked a man." |
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| © Copyright 2002 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Hrm ... not sure if there is limited access to this forum still, but I'll try to sneak this in ...  It's been a while, I am all but a stranger to this place -- ha! I'd be surprised if anyone in Open would even recognize me. Anyway, enough of excuses ... This was wonderful. Your meter was pleasing, your theme well-developed, the couplet was quite impressive. Only suggestion I would have is change "ink well's" to "ink well," but that's just me, I'm not fond of those possesive l'il "s"es. Linda [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (01-11-2002 05:29 PM).] |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Nice work, Pete. I really don't have a critique for you. Loved the sailor theme in this one.  Hi Linda!  Where have you been? Stay around, ok? God bless America, my home sweet home. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth (01-11-2002 06:06 PM).] |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
I think I'm begininning to get it. This was so easy to read...though, not so easy to write, I imagine! |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Ahhhh Pete, this is a superb sonnet - great theme, flawless meter - but please do change "well's" to" well". It's the one little thing keeping it from "perfect". Great write! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Pete, You'll get no nit picking from me on this one. Great job on an enjoyable read. Doc |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is perfection, Pete! Enjoyed! |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I'll second everyone above Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Not a Poet - Pete - A most oxymoronic cognomen if I've EVER seen one.. Pete has developed a wonderful theme - Maintained a perfect rhyme scheme of abab bcbc cdcd ee - along with flawless iambic pentameter... and... He's written his entire sonnet as an extended metaphor, utilizing specific instances of metaphor within, and enjambment in his final couplet... I'm smiling..  Hey Linda - It's about time we see your smiling face around here.. Hang around, will ya?.. (pssst - Pete - I like your ink well's original rendition - Don't tell Linda, OK?) |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
SUPERB! bravo! A perfect sonnet in every way WEll written my friend This should be posted in opem18 so more people could read it Liz |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Thanks so much to all of you, my friends. Glad you enjoyed. It seems that I haven't written one of these in a while so I do appreciate Nan's Workshop doing them this month. Besides that, I haven't been in calss for a while and I missed all the discussions and help in here. And Linda, I think you would still be recognized in Open or anywhere else around here, for that matter. Do hang around a bit. We miss you in CA too. BTW, if the teacher says the contraction is all right then I'm keeping it.  (Oops, sorry Linda)  Oh Liz, I don't think anyone in Open knows me anyway. Thanks again, Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (01-14-2002 12:01 PM).] |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Heh, I never said the contraction was incorrect, I just said *I* would not have used it. However, *I* did not write this, I only snuck in uninvited and enjoyed it immensely. I feel like a voyeur  Still excellently done, contraction or no, my friend. ~Linda |
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Canuckster Member
since 2002-01-09
Posts 285New Mexico, USA |
Dittos on all the accolades. I don't think the contraction is a flaw, but as it is the only instance in the poem and appears unnecessary it probably wouldn't hurt to drop it. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Funny, no one seemed to notice the contraction beginning line 7  And Linda, I knew exactly what you meant. That was not the first time you have explained it to me.  It's great to hear from you again and I always appreciate your advice. Thanks, Pete |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Sorry guys - I don't see either contraction as optional ones... They BOTH abbreviate the word "IS"... inkwell is = inkwell's... and... There is = There's... If you don't use the apostrophe for the contraction, then you've got an extra syllable messing up your meter. Either that or you'd need to readjust your lines completely. I think it's done just the way it needs to be for proper meter... I REALLY think these two contractions are done properly and are indeed necessary for iambic flow...IMHO.. |
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