»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
Novembers' Assignment
| Poetry Workshop |
|
Novembers' Assignment |
|
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
OK, here goes... For some time I've been considering trying to write the lyrics to a song . Something " blue-sy", not overtly sexual , yet encompassing the range of emotions inherent in any relationship , including the underlying doubts which cause us to question ourselves , and therefore each other.That said ,( and I know I've got the cart before the Moose ) I'm going to post this for this months project . I've got too many questions and or doubts about it to list , but , my main question would be , would this work in a blues format ? Doc " Tomorrows' Dreams Of You " In all tomorrows' dreams of you will it be me that you embrace can we still share an afternoon quite unaware of time and space as lovers with each one entwined a part of what so few can find or will we slip into the stream that keeps us from tomorrows' dreams Awake to touch our needs explore a place that's crying out for more within a silken silence screams once more to live tomorrows' dreams In all tomorrows' dreams of you have we now gotten past that stage of jealousy, we feel,we two which threatens what we've built this day a castle where-in I would keep each moment with you locked away extends beyond the walls of sleep tomorrows' dream of you now plays most all the time or so it seems I can't escape tomorrows' dreams Awake to touch our needs explore a place that's crying out for more within a silken silence screams once more to live tomorrows' dreams In all tomorrows' dreams of you in castles shall we two embrace and will it still be me and you and not some others' shadowed face for though I try I can't see through all those tomorrows' dreams of you |
||
| © Copyright 2001 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Well Doc, I don't know anything about music, but I sure like your poem. The way it flows I'm sure someone will find the notes to go with it. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Titia , I don't know anything about music either , although sometimes I think I hear it in the backround when I'm writing in a quiet place . "It's just my 'magination ".Thanks , Doc |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Sure has a bluesy feel to it, Doc. Kind of a poetic Robert Johnson. (Sure hope I've got that name right...too lazy to get up and look for the CD). |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Blues - not my forte... I enjoy it, but it's not my domain.. I like the feel of your poem though, Doc... You never do things half-way, so I expect this would work...  |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Duncan, Thanks, I'm not all that familiar with some of the names. A couple people I know suggested I try my hand at writing lyrics, it's just something I've been toying around with. Who knows, maybe someday . Doc |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Nan, Thanks Teach, for the vote of confidence. Doc |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
May a not-frequent member of Passions step in with a comment? [Sunshine sees Dr. Moose wave her in...] For some reason when I saw your comment on the "bluesy" format, Doc, my first thought was to read something that "smouldered". To my mind came the thought of my grandmother, some years ago, regaling us with her blues rendition of some of the songs she had grown up with. So, with that in mind, all I can offer is that you might want to make this "smoulder" a bit more... if that helps. |
||
|
Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
I love this, and it definitely could be a song. Not so sure about a blues song though. But then, I always think of Otis Redding, Etta James, Louis Armstrong, when I think of blues. I know there is more current blues, and this might fit that format, I'm not sure. This actually would make me think more of a Neville Brothers song, and their music is a more up to date form of blues. So in that case, yes, it could be a blues song. If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Tracey, Thanks, I'm not too current with music anymore. I do appreciate your evaluation though and unlike the Neville Bros.(who have not heard of me), I have heard of them . Thanks again, Doc |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Once more you manage to surprise me Doc. This sure has a "blues" sound to it. I know very little about writing lyrics and somehow can't even find my notes on it, but it sure has the repetitive part, so I think someone should be able to write music to it. My honest opinion? I'm impressed! |
||
timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
In one word....."beautiful" However, the human nature is to sum something very simple up in as many words as possible. Or atleast that is the way we do it here in the South. Moving, inspirational, and touching. I love to read a peice that rolls off the tongue and into the heart of the reader and this does it. Keep up the good work. By the way, I have a website where I post my own poetry and poetry of others. If you would like to have it put there for others to see just let me know. Keep up the good work. Timothys Angel |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
