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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2001-08-12 08:16 AM

Pain
sometimes
comes slowly
into your life
and lingers a while
so that you may search for
the strength to overcome it.
At times you must reach deep inside
with all the strength God has bestowed you
and search for the contentment and comfort
in the deepest canyons of your being,
where waters of sorrow eroded your joy
and left deep wounds of despair into your spirit
These same revines of discomfort are valleys of joy,
for the swift sword that pierced your bossom and caused you to bleed
also deepened the river canyons that contain your sweet bliss
Along the same streams where you cleanse your wounds and ponder misfortune,
so may you bathe in the waters of peace and cleanse your mind and your soul

pain
sometimes
comes slowly
into your life
and lingers a while

After I wrote this I realized that a made each line contain one extra syllable, whereas each successive word in each line must cantian one more syllable.
Back to the drawing board!
Liz

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

1 posted 2001-08-12 08:30 AM

Elizabeth ,
Well , as one who made the same mistake , I have only two things to say . # 1 , at least you noticed it . # 2 , I'm glad you didn't catch it in time to stop this wonderful verse.
Doc

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

2 posted 2001-08-12 11:12 AM

That's good. About the syllables, read Nan's reply to my Dutch one, it seems it doesn't matter.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace/

cpalmer
Senior Member

since 2001-06-26

Posts 977
Phoenix, Az

3 posted 2001-08-14 04:02 PM

I like this and the message is so beautiful! I think you did quite well! just another way of looking at it...nothin wrong with that!
hugs
Cindi

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

4 posted 2001-08-15 09:36 AM

I have to agree with Doc on this one - This is a great piece of work, Liz.. I hope you've posted it in Open - I'll go look for it...

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