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What it takes for them to see (First Blank Verse, be afraid!)
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What it takes for them to see (First Blank Verse, be afraid!) |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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This is my first attempt at blank verse and the second time I've ever use iambic pentameter. It's a bit of a "vent piece". I hope it doesn't make you cringe too much!  I try so hard to help them on their way To pick them up, to help them carry on But not enough, some say, and so I weep I wonder what it takes for them to see The many things I say and do for them Perhaps I?ll catch the sun for you, my friends My hand is charred, yet unbeknownst to you But still dissatisfied, you drop the orb Yet not enough, you say, and so I weep Yet not enough to satisfy your needs Perhaps I?ll count the stars for you, my friends I gaze so hard that sight flees from my eyes About three million-one, "About?", you say Yet not exact enough, and so I weep Yet not enough to satisfy your needs Perhaps I?ll drain the ocean for you, friends My back is breaking from the heavy load ?The sand is wet!? and so you cry and fuss Yet not enough, you say, and so I weep Yet not enough to satisfy your needs And now I know the greatest way to show The many things I say and do for you I?ll take my hands, still burnt from sunlight?s rays I?ll take my eyes, still blind from starlit night I?ll take my back, I?ll take the load? and leave "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli Blame Canada! |
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| © Copyright 2001 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Oh, oh... impressed I am... really I am! You should "vent" more often... you wrote a great blank verse! And in perfect iambic pentameter too! Yes, impressed I am...  |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
I can't believe this is your first! You did a great job on this! Debbie |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
LB, " I'll take my back , I'll take the load , and leave " This is raw emotion , portrayed in it's essential form . No frills , no lace , no feathers , no B.S. . I hope I'm reading more into this than there is , because that would be very sad if it were otherwise . BTW , it's also an excellent rendering of this format . Doc |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is great, Erica - You've succeeded nicely at utilizing iambic pentameter... and... good poetry always packs a punch - You've certainly done that. I like the effect of your repetitions. You make your point... Vent on... as long as you hang around...  |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Munda and Romy- Thanks for the great comments! Doc- I'm not sure exactly how deep you're reading into this, but you are right about the emotion... nothing fictional about that Nan- Thanks for the comments. I'm not going anywhere, don't worry! "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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