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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2000-11-08 08:19 AM


Sweep of the Chimney Swift

Your chimney may be home to perching pest
The long and slender wing of Chimney Swift
And feathers of an uninvited guest

A nice wide chimney is this fellow’s quest
Entire flocks into the smoke stack drift
Your chimney may be home to perching pest

On inside sooty chimney walls they nest
With chittering and chattering of Swift
And feathers of an uninvited guest

If crowded chimney causes him unrest
Some of these slender wings will swiftly lift
Your chimney may be home to perching pest

Those who remained inside to take a rest
May get their feathers singed when sparks uplift
And feathers of an uninvited guest

Descending in tornado form with zest
They sweep your chimney, a homewarming gift
And feathers of an uninvited guest
Your chimney may be home to perching pest

Elizabeth Santos

© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
1 posted 2000-11-08 07:32 PM


Elizabeth,
I especially liked the imagery in this ("tornado form with zest" , well done .
Doc

Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
2 posted 2000-11-13 09:44 PM


Elizabeth you make it look so easy! (but I know it's not!)
I loved your idea, very creative!

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
3 posted 2000-11-17 06:24 PM


Liz...Liz...Liz...will you ever cease to surprise me ? Wonderful !!
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
4 posted 2000-11-18 06:59 AM


Liz, surprising lovely while keeping true to the form. And the imagery WOW!
write on
Kethry


Why do yesterdays remain and todays pass by ...unnoticed?
Rex E. Alford

Felix
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 78
USA
5 posted 2000-11-20 07:14 PM


HAHAHA!!!!  This is great!  I remember when my family used to have to deal with this dilemma...thanks for reminding me of my old house!  May I suggest a chimney sweeper?

favorite line would have to be "Some of these slender wings will swiftly lift" -
"Some"   "theSe"   "Slender"  "wingS"  "Swiftly"
don't know if you meant to contain alliteration but you did...it's one of my favorite things in poetry.

in that same line I also like the double use of "ift" in "swiftly" and "lift"...almost a form of diminishing rhyme.

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one?

- Neil Diamond


Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
6 posted 2000-11-26 09:39 AM


Elizabeth ... This is wonderful... I don't have to say that it conforms beautifully... It's perfect, of course...

Um... A chimney sweep is certainly one idea... How about a nice cozy fire... and keep it burning year-round...  

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