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Suzanne Arlene
Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2000-10-29 01:18 PM



Awaken me October
Awaken me October
Before my deep sleep
Before my deep sleep
sleep deep my October
awaken before me

Dance with the wind
Dance with the wind
Naked upon my skin
Naked upon my skin
With my naked skin
Dance upon the wind

Celebrate my life
Celebrate my life
Fill it with contentment
Fill it with contentment
Fill life with my contentment
Celebrate it.

The deep wind,sleep
Upon my October skin
Awaken before me
My contentment with life
Fill it with my dance
Celebrate naked



© Copyright 2000 Suzanne Arlene - All Rights Reserved
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
1 posted 2000-10-30 03:07 PM


Suzanne,
With four left feet and a fur coat it's kinda hard to dance naked , but I sure like your style.
Doc

Suzanne Arlene
Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2000-10-30 09:53 PM


In Canada we dance very fast lol before anything freezes lol
Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
3 posted 2000-10-30 10:34 PM


This is so beautiful, what a nice job you have done!
But, I'll skip the naked dancing part, I just
recently moved from Vermont, don't think I'll ever warm up!

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
4 posted 2000-10-31 05:17 AM


A beautiful paradelle
Liz

Suzanne Arlene
Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377
Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2000-10-31 08:42 AM


Well thank you all for responding . It was my very first one and i was afraid to do it.  But i had alot of fun. May try doin another one  .Happy Halloween BOOOOOOO
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
6 posted 2000-11-01 07:03 AM


You've got it right - Your format works - You've built upon a theme nicely and you've got your repetitions done properly... Nice work..

If you're doing another one and you really happen to be feeling masochistic, try adding meter or rhyme scheme.  You'll really be cursing this innocuous little format then..

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