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A Moistened Paradelle...
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A Moistened Paradelle... |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods 
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My endless thanks to Nan for her sweetness, and for presenting this challenge. I feel the difficulty in creating this piece actually enhanced it more than any other form it may have taken. And, again, my congratulations to the other poets who took on this task, and answered it so divinely. without further ado... a moistened paradelle? Waves drift in soaking the seaweed Waves drift in soaking the seaweed I am finally conscious of emotion and dreams I am finally conscious of emotion and dreams Drift conscious finally soaking in emotion, I am the dreams of seaweed. Brilliance of crashing into the sensitivity Brilliance of crashing into the sensitivity Watercolor prose Watercolor prose Crashing into the sensitivity of watercolor, Prose brilliance. Cloudy brain smeared and soggy Cloudy brain smeared and soggy will wake upon the sandy banks will wake upon the sandy banks Cloudy wake upon the will-banks, brain sandy, smeared, and soggy. Will brilliance drift in upon the wake of brain waves -- finally crashing into the sandy conscious -- soaking the seaweed of dreams and sensitivity: cloudy banks of emotion? I am watercolor prose, smeared and soggy. ~ Beth [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 10-16-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Megs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
and congratulations to you too, Beth...you rose to the challenge and met it well...and I'm not giving up...smiles to ya on this piece... |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Elizabeth, An excellent piece , filled with rythm and imagery . Bravo ! Doc |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ElizabethCor~ You guys are just tooooooo good at this ! Might ... and I said might make me change my mind and attempt another one. Congrats on this great paradelle. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Excellent piece! You do everything so well Liz |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hey Beth - Welcome to the Little Workshop of Horrors...  You've done a pretty good job here - nearly perfect... You've developed a nice theme, and combined your propensity for free verse with a pretty structured format. I see only a couple of deviations from the "rules".. Your first stanza is missing two words from the last couplet - "waves & and"... Stanzas two & three look good... Your final stanza has one word extra in it... Darned if I can figure out what it is - Your word count should be 33, though. You've got a total of 14+8+11=33 from the previous stanzas, and you've used 34... Such a nit-picker, aren't I??? I like your work a lot, Beth - This must have been a tough assignment for you... Nice job, my friend.. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Grrr... (not growling at you Nan  ). The only difficulty was trying to figure out if I'd used the exact words and their number... and I see I missed a few mistakes. In all honesty, I looked over it several times and then just let it be (figuring someone would pick up the mistakes I didn't see)... lo and behold.. lol. Off to the revisions desk...Thanks, Nan Serenity,  Dr.Moose, What else can I say to such an excellent, kind reply? Thanks, Doc! Liz, shucks... don't say that. You should see me try to ski . Knowing the quality of your own verse, this compliment means so much.~ Beth p.s. Revisions to the first stanza: Waves drift in soaking the seaweed Waves drift in soaking the seaweed I am finally conscious of emotion and dreams I am finally conscious of emotion and dreams Drift and conscious finally soaking in waves emotion, I am the dreams of seaweed (I can't find that extra word either!) [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 10-31-2000).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
there should be only two "of" you have three...  Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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