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How Do I Love Thee? (with apologies to E. B. B...)
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How Do I Love Thee? (with apologies to E. B. B...) |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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... not for the quality of the poem, as that cannot be helped in any case, but for the shameless massacre of the theme of the original for my own ends ... LOL  Shall I approach thee gently, with reserve, Impeccably and truly nonchalant? Should such neglect, in seeming, rightly serve To pique the sense of need, or stir the want? Or shall I sweep thee up in passion’s fire, Unwavering, ignoring all protest? Might such a flood, a drowning by desire, Decide the shore whereon thine heart shall rest? Shall I expose this soul, so firmly masked, So long unseen, the vision strikes me strange? Shall trembling lips relay what heart hath asked, “How do I love thee?” What should hope to change By musing thus? In answer comes the call, Its timbre proud: “I’ll love thee not at all.” < !signature--> Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 05-22-2000).] |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
This is beautifully done, and no slight on the original. I see no problem (though from you I expected none) in rhyme or meter. Almost perfect word choice ("impeccable," as you write) and this reader's interest was held throughout. And a twisty ending that sends the whole investigation into the arena of the humorous. (But which way? Is the "answer" of the closing lines from the recipient or from the writer's own heart? I do want that clarified.) (Similarly, I wasn't sure whether lines 9's "this soul" was that of lover's or loved.) The second half of lines 10 and 12 also seemed a little unfocussed, (and isn't it a shame that when a poem seems 98% perfect, I "focus" on the 2%?) but let's see what others have to say. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Skyfyre I didn't notice the 2%, I was so captivated by the beauty of your work. Anyone would be proud to know they inspired such a piece. You were born to write poetry, my dear, and every time I open a post with your name on it, I always get what I expect - perfection. It is a pleasure to read your poetry Liz |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
So nice to see you, Kess... We all love seeing your work anytime you cruise through... 98%?? What's in a percent or two?? I didn't notice either, Ted...  ... hehe... That's why I always give you guys a breather before I comment - to see what the rest of YOU will glean from each other.... |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Nan, Elizabeth, in open forum I would have ignored the 2%, probably not even noticed it. But posting it here in class, I'm betting Skyfyre wants to hear about it. Anyway, it's all only IMHO. |
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Tennessee Angel Senior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 661Tennessee |
I think it's absolutely beautiful, Skyfyre. |
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