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Decuain Me!!
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Decuain Me!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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The Decuain (pronounced deck won), is 10 line (Decastich) form created by Shelley A. Cephas, and can be used for any subject. The convention is iambic pentameter, and there are 3 choices of rhyme schemes: a b a bb c b c a a a b a bb c b c b b a b a bb c b c c c If you want to write of a person, choose the first. If you want to write of a thing, use the second. If you want to write of an event, use the third. Iambic pentameter...a beautiful thing!  |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Whoo boy. Okay.  A |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
The Aspects of Light A quality of light affects the dawn much changed from that which evening brings to view Unknown , the day stretched out before you yawns as yet without a glimmer of a clue what these few hours swift passing might still do Come evening will the setting sun reflect perhaps on some small kindness you've seen through affecting coming evenings' lights aspects to shift from those predominantly blue into the spectrums' warmer shades and hues? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You disappoint me, Doc. I can normally find some rule you have ignored or violated, some sentence where the meter breaks down or some inane way you have made a mess of the assignment.....and here you go and to everything perfect! What kind of pleasure can I find in that?????  Exquisite verse, moose, with not a word or accent out of place. Very well done  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Thank you, you are much too kind. Could it be I have turned over a new leaf and returned to the role of attentive student? I do believe anything is possible. Throw 'em at me and I'll have at 'em, lol. You truly do inspire. Without, this would not have been written, and truly, the world would have been less for it, lol, or at least in my opinion. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
The world would definitely have been less for it...agreed  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
working on it. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Raven Songs When ravens flock in groups to close the night Their raucous conversations echo loud And velvet feathers black contrast snow white As hierarchies stand out in the crowd Each raven struts to its place, preening proud Magical songs weave a nocturnal trance Become offerings to somnolent clouds Then silence drops on each bird-covered branch And daylight dons ebony night-time shroud Finally peace prevails and heads are bowed - Alison [This message has been edited by Alison (12-21-2011 10:51 AM).] |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
PS: Doc, I love yours. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, Thank you, here's wishing you and yours a happy holiday season. You had me right up until lines six and seven, eight is fine, and nine and ten where again your meter falters."Magical" starts the line off on the wrong foot as does "Become"."ebony" has the accent on the wrong syllable."Finally" has the accent on the first syllable also. All that nit picking aside your excellent use of imagery will craft a fine poem with a little tweaking. Be well. Doc Balladeer, Hope you don't mind my jumping in here, and, a very fine holiday season to you too. Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you much, Mr. Moose. I knew things were off, but I am poetically deaf that way. Merry Christmas, my friend! A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Raven Songs When ravens flock in groups to close the night Their raucous conversations echo loud And velvet feathers black contrast snow white While hierarchies form among the crowd Each raven struts face-to-face, preening proud As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance And offer gifts to somnolent clouds While silence drops on each bird-covered branch And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed - Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Alison, it is a beautiful poem. Your word usage is spectacular, as are the pictures you paint. This is an excellent piece of work! BUT........... One line loses the meter. each RAV-en (STRUTS FACE) to( FACE, PREEN)-ing PROUD Fix that line and you are home free. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Raven Songs When ravens flock in groups to close the night Their raucous conversations echo loud And velvet feathers black contrast snow white While hierarchies form among the crowd Each raven struts with head high, preening proud As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance And offer gifts to somnolent clouds While silence drops on each bird-covered branch And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed - Alison Is that better? Thank you lots, Doc and Deer. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Raven Songs When ravens flock in groups to close the night Their raucous conversations echo loud And velvet feathers black contrast snow white While hierarchies form among the crowd Each raven struts head held high, preening proud As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance And offer gifts to somnolent clouds While silence drops on each bird-covered branch And daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed - Alison Didn't like the last change. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
7th line, meter off....one syllable short. Merry Christmas!!! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Raven Songs When ravens flock in groups to close the night Their raucous conversations echo loud And velvet feathers black contrast snow white While hierarchies form among the crowd Each raven struts, head held high, preening proud As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance And offer gifts to thick somnolent clouds When silence drops on each bird-covered branch The daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed - Alison [This message has been edited by Alison (12-26-2011 04:32 PM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
....and THAT is Alison...never stops and never gives up until she has it right. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
You know, Michael, sometimes I feel like the slow learner here, but you make it all worth while for me. A few weeks ago, I was leaving the post office after work and heard all these danged birds making a huge amount of noise. Kind of freaked me out .. too much like the Birds. The next night, I heard them again and saw all these ravens flying in for the night. I had never seen or heard them before. It was really cool to watch. A few nights later, I drove by a huge open-sided shed. Ravens were all over it. On the roof, black against the white snow. In the rafters. On the trees beside it. I tried to capture that in this poem - and intend to go back soon to video them. It's really a wonderful sound and sight. Thank you again. xoxoxo Alison |
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Amberzlynnc Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229New Jersey |
Here you go! Sunset The purple, pinkish, orange, golden sky presents itself most boldly in the west. The colors wrap around a fiery eye that stares at me- directly at my chest; they burn a hole and settle ‘neath my breast. The breeze is cool as sunbeams grow too weak to tan the skin on shoulders left undressed. The eye sinks slowly as the seagulls shriek. The purple, pink, and orange kiss my cheek. Oh, what a lovely, breathtaking technique. *Amber |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
There you go, indeed! Absolute perfection! Well done!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Very lovely. I read this when you posted it - and had to come back to tell you how much I enjoyed it. A |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
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ken206573 Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487 |
I hope this flows well Festival of Shadows The raging winds settle into the night As the rainstorm slowly begins to fall In a instance the clouds are out of sight While dark shadows silently climb the wall Playing and dancing in the music hall Merry are they, drunk with laughter and joy Soon it shall end by the clocks final call There fun discarded like a broken toy When the sun creeps in, the shadows grow small Vanishing with sorrow behind the stall |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
hi, Ken. Thanks for tackling this one. The poem is good, the rhyme scheme is good, the pentameter is good.....but it is not iambic and doesn't flow. You will need to work on the da-DUM's and restructure it. Let's see what you can do.... |
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ken206573 Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487 |
I hope this one works, I will try to redo the other one. Winter Fairies One day I played in snow so deep lingering in passion of it's gentle glow. Snow fairies sprung forth out of sleep Singing, dancing with deers and doe. Graceful, fair, what a show Clapping my hands at their merry play dazzled by their elegant flow. Wishing that they would stay Their pace begins to slow Returning back to the snow |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Better forget this one, Ken. It's not iambic and lost the pentameter of 10 syllables per line. Let's try to work on the first one.... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ken, Iambic is an unaccented syllable follow by an accented one. If two unaccented syllables follow each other, or if two accented syllables do the same, the iambic is broken. For example... the RAG-ing (WINDS SET)-(tle in)-TO the NIGHT (as the) RAIN-storm SLOW-(ly be)-GINS to FALL Also, you have sentences beginning with accented syllables. That automatically kills iambic from the beginning. I've rewritten the poem to make it completely iambic. It could be better but it will show you examples of what steps to take to write in iambic, ok? The raging winds all settle into night As rainstorm clouds above begin to fall In seconds all dark clouds are out of sight While shadows dark climb silently the wall They play and dance there in the music hall They're merry, drunk with laughter and with joy Soon it shall end as clocks mark final call Their fun discarded like a broken toy As sun creeps in, the shadows then grow small And vanish silently behind the stall. |
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ken206573 Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487 |
I haven't done iambic for sooo long, I have forgotten the rythme of it. I will try to redo both thanks for the advice and example. |
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