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Tricky little exercise...
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Tricky little exercise... |
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AlCowie Member
since 2011-05-13
Posts 92London, UK |
A favourite comic poem of mine is "The Ballad of William Bloat" I don't know if the form has been offered here as a workshop idea (and I don't know poetic lexicon, so I don't have a clue what this is called or how to describe it), but I'd be thrilled to read what can be come up with within this form (min 2 stanzas?). It does seem a little tricky, I am struggling with my own attempt, I will post it when I have something presentable... (Also, if someone would be so kind as to describe this, that would be superb, I'd like to learn the language too!) d'd'Dum d'DAY, d'd'Dum d'DAY, d'd'Dum d'Dum d'BEE(d'), d'd'Dum d'CO, d'd'Dum d'CO, d'd'Dum d'Dum d'BEE(d'), d'd'Dum d'FU, d'd'Dum d'FU, d'd'Dum d'Dum d'BEE(d'), (The second, 4th and 6th lines don't seem to have a hard rule about the number of syllables) |
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AlCowie Member
since 2011-05-13
Posts 92London, UK |
The Ballad Of William Bloat In a mean abode on the Shankill Road Lived a man called William Bloat He had a wife, the curse of his life Who continually got his goat. So one day at dawn, with her nightdress on, He cut her bloody throat. With a razor gash he settled her hash, There was never a crime so quick, But the drip drip drip on the pillowslip Of her lifeblood made him sick; And the pool of gore on the bedroom floor Grew clotted, cold and thick. And yet he was glad that he'd done what he had As she lay there stiff and still, But a sudden awe of the angry Law Struck his soul with an icy chill, So to finish the fun so well begun, He resolved himself to kill. So he took the sheet off his wife's cold feet And twisted it into a rope, And he hanged himself from the pantry shelf, ‘Twas an easy end let's hope; In the face of death with his latest breath, He solemnly cursed the Pope. But the strangest turn to the whole concern Is only just beginning, He went to Hell but his wife got well, And she's alive and sinning, For the razor blade was German made But the sheet was Irish Linen Anon |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Al, This appers to be a combination of Anapestic and Iambic feet. "in a MEAN aBODE on the SHANkill ROAD lived a MAN called WILLiam BLOAT" Anapest, iamb, anapest, iamb, anapest, iamb, iamb. That being said, there are places where this established meter varies, perhaps this was intentional on the part of the author to break up the repetition, but I believe a more likely scenario was the folk origins of the piece. Also take note of the authors strong use of internal rhyme and alternating end rhyme. Though hey, I'm no expert. Here's an attempt to duplicate the varying meter and rhyme as in the original piece, with the exception that I have changed the end rhyme of each stanza so instaed of rhyming with the fourth line, it is a stand alone rhyme to tie the three stanzas together. Keep your wits there man, there's a lesson plan that is set by Balladeer With much great fuss he preaches to us 'til his point he has made quite clear with finesse and skill and a masters' quill he rules our little school Though of late it's true there have been no new class assignments to work on You have revived this place that's no jive so please pass the Gray Poupon 'cause it's time for lunch and I've got a hunch I'm about to flippin' drool! So sit back, relax, and enjoy a snack of poetic potpourri that's done in form that is not of the norm as it mixes meters, see as I've tried to show with this poem just so you'll think the workshop's cool. Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (05-16-2011 11:26 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very interesting, Gentlemen. I have something to say about both entries (of course!) Unfortunately, not the time right now but I'll be working on them. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
It's an interesting form, Al. I don't know that it has a specific name, which is not surprising since there is a wide variety of rhyme schemes with can be created by using the five poetic forms. I'm not sure I agree with your interpretation of the construction. Let's take a closer look... In a mean abode on the Shankill Road Lived a man called William Bloat He had a wife, the curse of his life Who continually got his goat. So one day at dawn, with her nightdress on, He cut her bloody throat. d'd'Dum d'DAY, d'd'Dum d'DAY, d'd'Dum d'Dum d'BEE(d'), d'd'Dum d'CO, d'd'Dum d'CO, d'd'Dum d'Dum d'BEE(d'), d'd'Dum d'FU, d'd'Dum d'FU, d'd'Dum d'Dum d'BEE(d'), Ok, that is your interpretation. I agree wholeheartedly with the first two lines. The third line, however, reads to me like...he HAD a WIFE, the CURSE of his life. That would make it da DUM da DUM, da DUM da da DUM....three iambs and an anapest. The fourth line reads as....who conTINually GOT his GOAT. Fifth line is good. Sixth line is ....he CUT her BLOODy THROAT...all iambic. So, in conclusion, we have.. anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - iamb iamb - iamb - iamb - anapest anapest - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb iamb - iamb - iamb An interesting construction. The first and fifth lines are actually thew only lines with the same rhyme scheme. One can write the first stanza anyway one wishes. The key is to make sure the folowing stanzas follow the same way. Let's take the second stanza... With a RAzor GASH he SETtled her HASH.........anapest - iamb - iamb - anapest There was NEVer a CRIME so QUICK...............anapest - anapest - iamb But the DRIP drip DRIP on the PILlowSLIP..........anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb Of her LIFEblood MADE him SICK;...........,,,,...anapest - iamb - iamb And the POOL of GORE on the BEDroom FLOOR...anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb Grew CLOTted, COLD and THICK.......................iamb - iamb - iamb So, in comparison, we have.. 1st lines ------------ anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - iamb - anapest 2nd lines ------------- anapest - iamb - iamb anapest - anapest - iamb 3rd lines ------------ iamb - iamb - iamb - anapest anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb 4th lines ------------- snspest - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - iamb 5th lines ------------ anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb 6th lines ------------ iamb - iamb - iamb iamb - iamb - iamb As you can see the last two lines of both stanzas are right on the money. The other four, however, vary quite a bit, too much so to call it a standard form. I think it is a poem that works a lot better recited than read. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Keep your WITS there MAN, there's a LESson PLAN that is SET by BALLaDEER With MUCH great FUSS he PREACHes to US 'til his POINT he has MADE quite CLEAR with finESSE and SKILL and a MASters' QUILL he RULES our LITtle SCHOOL Though of LATE it's TRUE there have BEEN no NEW CLASS asSIGNments to WORK on You HAVE reVIVED this PLACE that's no JIVE so PLEASE pass the GRAY PoupON 'cause it's TIME for LUNCH and I've GOT a HUNCH I'm aBOUT to FLIPpin' DROOL! So sit BACK, reLAX, and enJOY a SNACK of poETic POTpourRI that's DONE in FORM that is NOT of the NORM as it MIXes METers, SEE as I've TRIED to SHOW with this POEM just SO you'll THINK the WORKshop's COOL 1st lines ------------- anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb 2nd lines -------------- anapest - iamb - iamb trochee - trochee - iamb anapest - iamb - iamb 3rd lines ------------ iamb- iamb - iamb - anapest iamb - iamb - iamb - anapest iamb - iamb - anapest - anapest (one extra syllable) 4th lines ------------ anapest - anapest - iamb iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - iamb 5th l ines ------------- anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb anapest - iamb - anapest - iamb 6th lines --------------- iamb - iamb - iamb iamb - iamb - iamb iamb - iamb - iamb Pretty darn good, Doc! There are a couple of obvious places where the meter breaks down but I think you will be able to see them upon review pretty easily. I would go so far as to say you probably didn't like them that much when you wrote them....just a guess.  Very good work, sir. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Ah, the dreaded "Trochee", the downfall of many of my pieces. Perhaps we could do a more in depth study of their proper usage so they don't keep sneaking into my poems and wreaking havoc. As for 3rd stanza 3rd line, I'm not getting that extra syllable, unless I ignore the contraction in "that's". Maybe it's just me. Thanks for the critique as always m'friend. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
that's done in form that is not of the norm ------ 10 with much great fuss he preach- es to us ------- 9 you have re- vived this place that's no jive ------- 9 As far as the sneaky trochees, you kinda boxed yourself in where you have to use one. Though of LATE it's TRUE there have BEEN no NEW CLASS asSIGNments to WORK on BY ending the previous line with an adjective and wrapping it to the next line, you force yourself to begin with a noun (or another adjective). You chose a noun, which most likely - and yes in this case - will carry an accent. Begin the line with an accented syllable and you get a trochee, or didactyl thingy How could you have prevented this? Two ways. Either do not end the previous line with the adjective... Though of late it's true, there;s been nothing new, no fresh class assignments here or begin the next line with an adjective... Though of late it's true there have been no new Thoughtful class assignments here either way gives you the anapest beginning you used in the other stanzas. It's all about the accents, m'friend  |
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AlCowie Member
since 2011-05-13
Posts 92London, UK |
Thanks for the input - enjoyed the poem too, I find the rhythm a particularly satisfying one. I'm interested in what you say about the mix in form as, given the satisfying nature of the poem as is (it is a great performance piece and has great rhythm when recited), it implies that sometimes it is less necessary to strictly adhere to set rules. This seems a little bizarre though given that on the other exercises such failure to adhere to the rules makes the poem worse. Anyway, I am enjoying the learning. Appreciated. I am still, however, struggling to come up with a decent poem of my own like this, so again, high fives to Dr Moose! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Lol, I must have been reading "that is" as contracted. As far as the trochee I see what you're saying, and will continue to do some more work with them so I can put them in their place and not have them wandering all over. Al, Glad to see you're participating and enjoyed the poem and exercise. Research indicates this poem has also been attributed to Raymond Calvert who mis said to have penned it in 1926. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, Al, there is always the rule that "rules are made to be broken`." One can give all kinds of leeway to performance poetry, since the reciter is the one to make it work and can do so by how he recites. I've written a bit of performance poetry that would not stand up to scrutiny on the printed page. Songs are also a form of performance poetry and can get away with things no self-respecting poet would even try to pass off.....such as "I can't get no satisfaction", "you ain't nothing but a hound dog", or that immortal line "for there ain't no one but to give you no pain."  I confess that I'm pretty much of a purist and I appreciate attention paid to excellent meter but I don't insist that others feel the same way. What makes a good poem? If you like it, it's a good poem....it gets no simpler, or more complicated, than that. |
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