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Meterology |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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I've seen by perusing the Open entries, that there are a few who could use a refresher course in meter. This assignment is an exercise in maintaining sound rhythm and meter. Your poem will consist of 6-line stanzas. The first and third lines will be iambic pentameter. The second and fourth lines will be trochaic, consisting of five stressed and four unstressed syllables. The fifth and sixth lines will consists of three anapests each. For those you you not familiar with those terms, it's a good time to look them up and learn them. The rhyme scheme will be a-b-a-b-c-c. Make the poem at least two stanzas. Let's see if there is any interest at all. Doc, I know this is a piece of cake for you. In your case, make you poem about....an egg.  Example: I like to think that nothing ever ends Nightfall never comes to block the sun And one goes on, no matter what life sends Jubilant and flush with battles won. All of this I had thought long ago But it's all just a dream, now I know. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, I would try, but you know me... I have three feet.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, put your best foot forward!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
hmmm...looks like the meter is on empty  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
oh good grief, man...let it get at least 27 mpg! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Sometimes (but not often) I think you give me more credit than I deserve, lol. An egg? Good grief man! Would you like that "Sunshiney- side" up? Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, doc, I thought that something that got laid would be your specialty! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Oh well, you asked for it. I like to think of poems as mixing bowls, words and phrases our ingredients, with which to stir our thoughts into a whole, poets tools we use so they make sense. As with omelettes one must break some eggs then round holes you can fill with square pegs. Doc Oops, you did say "at least two stanzas". And that's eggsactly what I like to do mixing things all up is my forte and though this may seem strange to some of you words are naught but toys with which I play so it is I define this fine art all it's "cracked" up to be for my part. [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (03-11-2011 09:41 AM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now just how, Doc, is that supposed to be sunshiney side up? Eggsellent! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Sunshine, Thanks,lol, that's a good question, I'll have to ponder that for a bit. Doc |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Or you could write another one. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Sunshine Lol, you must really enjoy terrible poetry. The "Deer" assigned a certain type of poem, making mine more fun, an added twist, three meters used from which we could not roam, using "proto-poultry" as its gist. Such a task one most surely can't shirk, find a way, then just make it all work. Though some may think this chore is tough enough, lining up to score a hole in one, My "tee-shot" hit my egg into the rough, spouting off I'd almost been undone, so it's strange that a change this abrupt gives us eggs all "Sunshiney" side up. Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (03-14-2011 06:55 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, Doc, let's get to it here. One of the things of meter is making sure the readers read the meter in the way you intend it to be read. That's not always so easy. Sentences can be read in different ways. For example... We were assigned a certain type of poem, That is your iambic sentence, which means you are putting the accent on "were". You can do that when you are reading it, but I assure you no reader of your poem would. I would read it as either.. WE were ass-IGNED a CER-tain TYPE of POEM or we were ass-IGNED I would never put the accent on "were" because the eye looks for the important words to put the accent on. WE is an important word, assigned is an important word, but "were"? Not unless you are comparing two periods of time. The rest of your lines?......EGGcellent! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Thanks for explaining one of the finer points when it comes to meter, when I read it, the accent fell on "were" without any problem, but hey, now I know that's just me. The words' "importance" factor is a concept I was unaware of, but now is another tool I can hopefully make use of. Quick fix, done. Doc |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
If political debates were this much fun, I'd be far more interested in them.. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Nan, Lol, although Balladeer and I do have some history of debate, in this case I was genuinely thanking him for pointing out something I was unaware of, however, I must agree with your political assessment. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
...and I second that agreement!  Thank you, doc |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Okay, all debates aside (I only debate when I can smoke a cigar), I am better, back and will be giving this a shot. A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Dog Team Dreams I listen to the runners glide on the snow Rubbing loudly on the icy trail The dogs pull the sleds with a will to go Sprinting faster, making dog sleds sail Then they pass with a step of spring When they pull, with their hearts they sing With envy, I wish I could sail along Running at their side on crystal snow And feel the freedom of their pulling song Wishing for that passion that they show For they run with desire to please And they pull with a graceful ease ~ Alison |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, Glad to hear you're feeling better and had some time join us. Against my better judgement, I'm going to go out on a limb and point out two things I noticed with your piece. Your first line ( iambic pentameter ) comes up one beat short, perhaps something like " I listen to the runners gliding on the snow ". Also, if I'm not mistaken, your anapestic meter is also a beat short (1,2,3, 1,2,3, 1,2). Maybe something like " for they run with a purpose to please ". I could be wrong, I often am, but this is what I saw. Other than that, good subject matter and imagery( as with most of your posts) and , I believe your trochaic lines are fine as is. I await Balladeers' ruling. Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you, Doc. I'll take a look at this and put my change in tonight. That'll give Balladeer time to weigh in too. I was finger counting, but it was late and I don't count so good when I am sleepy. Alison |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Okay, had to just get on it and try to work the bugs out. More bugs? ~ Dog Team Dreams I hear the runners glide across the snow Rubbing loudly on the icy trail The dogs pull the sleds with a will to go Sprinting faster, making dog sleds sail Then they pass with a step of spring When they pull, with their hearts their song sings With envy, I wish I could sail along Running at their side on crystal snow And feel the freedom of their pulling song Wishing for that passion that they show For they run with desire to please And they pull with a graceful strong ease ~ Alison |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, I thought for once I might attempt to grade, using all the things I've learned in here a poem from northern realms a certain maid posted for our teacher Balladeer I wouldn't normally do this for no one but you. Forgive me if I've taken liberties pointing out what I thought were mistakes a dog-sled mushing swiftly through the trees really should know when to use its brakes. When the meter you use is applied then your words like the dog-sled will glide. I'm still coming up a beat short here and there and some of the syllable counts may be right but the emphasis is off I'll detail it later if you want but Balladeer will probably beat me to it. Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Acck -- try again. What was I thinking??? -- Dog Team Dreams Hear sharpened runners glide across the snow Rubbing loudly on the icy trail The dog team pulls sleds, burning will to go Sprinting faster, making dog sleds sail Then they pass with a quick step of spring When they pull, all they give makes snow sing With envy, I wish I could sail along Running at their side on crystal snow And feel the freedom of their pulling song Wishing for that passion that they show For they run with desire, heart to please And they pull with a drive, grace and ease ~ Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
It's Alison!!!!! YAYYYYY!! I thought you had gotten swallowed by a Klondike bar!! (or IN a Klondike bar!) Good to see you again!! Ok...the poem. As far as the poem is concerned, I love it....love the title and love the subject matter. (by now, she is thinking.."oh, boy, here it comes!) Actually, I didn't need to do a thing. I had copied your poem before going to work, intending to point out the areas of oopsies when I came back...but I see they have all been corrected! The way the poem stands right now, it is exact and a fine piece of writing. You are always one to keep working until you get it right, I know. Thanks for joining in, doc. Your suggestions were spot on....appreciate it. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Thanks, it's nice to know I can contribute something once in a while. Good job Alison, you get an "attagirl". Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
You know, 'Deer & Doc, you are among my favorite people. Thank you.  A |
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AlCowie Member
since 2011-05-13
Posts 92London, UK |
No idea what an anapest is, but here goes! I'm watching 10 o'clock live (recorded it) Satire, brutal insight at its best Well if you have their slanted point of view However I'm an independent git And sometimes I am pretty unimpressed With the implication that there's no taboo. But all the politics of left an right, Tribal in its nature, is so wrong I love my country not the candidates I decide for me, with my own sight; If something's right, it's right. ignore the throng. Just choose your choice because your thinking's straight. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thanks for joining in, Al. Nice poem but I think you should review the requirements of what this lesson calls for. Any questions, please ask. |
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AlCowie Member
since 2011-05-13
Posts 92London, UK |
Ah, right, had another look. Hadn't fully understood (dyslexia and the fact I am new to much of the poetic lexicon), but I think I do now, so here's another go... d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY, Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'DAY, Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'Dum, d'BEE, d'd'Dum, d'd'Dum, d'd'CEE, d'd'Dum, d'd'Dum, d'd'CEE, The battle lines are drawn in sand today Love can kill, but love can help you live The feelings that I'm feeling yet again Grip my heart with pain I won't forgive Small explosions of nerve endings ripping raw, Licking flames reach a heart made of straw. The young don't understand the benefit, Hearts unscarred by war in realms of love; Where foreign troops' more vicious arms commit Crimes so cruel that even God above Cries in shame at a game played by brutes Stomping on fragile hearts with their boots. I almost wish my heart was young again Lightly walk through minefields unaware Without the fear of losing oxygen, Suffocating, lungs empty of air. I want sun, I want fields, I want light, Feeling weightless, flying high as a kite. Though I remember how it felt so good I remember how it felt so bad One moment you are walking through a wood Struck by beauty, heart so free and glad But the change makes your heart silhouette Splits your chest with a chasm of regret (Why's a hole so damned hard to forget?!!) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, well, well.....new to the lexicon??? I would say you are quite the quick learner! Your iambic and trochaic are perfection! The poem itself is excellent. This is very impressive indeed!!!!! Contrary to the rumor that Dr. Moose tried to spread that I must find something to correct in order to make up for an undersized manhood, let me point out the following.... . "Small explosions of nerve endings ripping raw,"......two syllables too many. "Feeling weightless, flying high as a kite.".......one syllable too many "Splits your chest with a chasm of regret".......one syllable too many The extra syllables throw the anapestic meter off. These are easily correctable. Once again, I applaud your work and am very pleased you have joined us here. We look forward to more. |
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AlCowie Member
since 2011-05-13
Posts 92London, UK |
Hi Balladeer, Thank you for the feedback, and the seen once pointed out. This is fun! "Small explosions, nerve endings ripped raw" "Feeling free, flying high as a kite." "Splits your chest with a chasmic regret" Al |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Those work well, Al. Nicely done |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Hi Al, You reminded me that I have some catching up to do. Great to see you here. Alison |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Yes Al, Welcome to Passions and the workshop. Hopefully your enthusiasm is infectious. Oh, and Balladeer, while I may have spread a rumor or two, "that" was not one of them, lol. Doc |
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