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Right This Way to the Wild West!
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Right This Way to the Wild West! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Put your submissions in this thread, pardners  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"According to Hoyle" It weren't much but dust back then but I knew gin and I knew men and quite a lotter 'widows" who knew just how to mix the two. A California widow (sez myself) dusted cobwebs off the shelf and started trade with just a smile and some underwear, with style. We didn't have no music then, so I sang and carried tunes in the buckets and spittoons and all of 'em were slightly bent. I traded with the thirsty ones-- they'd give me linens from their wives. I'd stitch the lace till it become something fancy, something fine. I never had no mirror, no. Those were just on tv shows. Nobody ever wanted to look at them or lookit you. The bar came from a lumbermill up from Appalachiay; it took ten Injuns and ten days for my girls to work that pay. Eight years of that, with no boardwalk. All those hands and all that talk. I found m'self a comanche girl that looked Egyptian, she sure knew how to line her eyes. The men sure liked the foreigners, so that's the way that I sold her-- it weren't the truth but wasn't lies. Once the stagecoach came to town I gambled on some credit due. I bought the place the next door down, and that became the "wantin' booth." Girls were plenty, women more. Men died early, and left us poor. I bought a bathtub from a {hoe-er} who liked to soak her men...before. That girl had uncommon sense. I can't say that I've been good. I did all what I thought I could. To hell with all the oughts and should-- a lady makes her livelihood. "Lively" makes life busy-ness. I finally got the mirror, though, but by that time I was too old to wanna take a long look-see-- I had the damned thing for three weeks 'till a bullet did 'er in. It wasn't like a big shoot-out. Just one guy, who saw himself keeping company with doubt who shot his image all to hell. Loneliness can breed bad sin. I left the place to that Injun, the one I called the Egyptian-- for all the time and good intent she never did much like the men. She loved me till I died. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Why, you baudy bard!! I love it, Serenity gal. Somehow I had a feeling that part was yours..call me psychic! I mean, you just ain't the rancher's wife type, yanno> Very, very good stuff, my friend. Thank you!  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Comes a time there be a reckonin' fer most folk so's I swear The ol' west was a dandy time fer those of us was there The men folk didn't pay much heed to laws 'cause what was right Was often settled with a gun on any given night Some said it was the whisky I served up in my saloon Done made 'em act so crazy they'd drink right from a spitoon But I think it was wimmin got their skivvies in a bunch And one gal in partic'lar, thet's my educated hunch She done called herself "Serenity" an' my, that girl was fine She run herself a "boardin'" house jest two doors down from mine A classy joint from all accounts, at least or so's I've heard Free stylin' some fine poetry an' doin' spoken word. But I don't want to say too much lest you think it's a crock So's next time you're in "Piptown" folks, y'all stop in at Docs'. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Methinks you tempt me. You know very well I feel more like a rancher's wife--actually, I feel more like a rancher... sigh... I used to have the purtiest hands. And the curtains don't match the rug. (Tara reference--really!  )Thanks for the fun.  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Now 'Doc was a fine gentleman but he had quibbles just the same. He liked a snort of un-di-lute, He liked a sportin' poker game. Doc spent some time there in my bar-- and if he weren't? He wasn't far. There was always restlessness and Doc was there to clean the mess. I'm gettin' all emotional. Doc was a man, and kept control. He always held his head up high-- he'd fold his hand and he would sigh. "Dammit, I had Aces high" He'd cuss to some poor dyin' guy, and clean his scalpel with cheap rye and mutter "here's mud in yer eye" before he laced up life. The only man I ever liked as much as I loved him. * * * (I do so love the Doc.) |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Serenity, Glad to be of service ma'am, a gentleman couldn't very well be leavin' a lady such as yourself all alone in a big place like "Piptown", now could he? Doc |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This was just so much fun. Just like old times.  Thanks, 'deer, thanks Doc! I needed the jump start, and I truly enjoyed writing in character. Cain't wait to see what comes next. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
What can I say? You two are awesome. I expected it from you, Moose, but you have even ignited a fire in Serenity from the little sparks of genius she carries around. let's hope there are more than two residents of our little town! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, I expect we'll be hearin' from Miss Alison shortly, an' I'm about to put the iron in the fire to rustle up some more folks. Doc Welcome back to Piptown folks, a prosperous little place Like most of all these gold rush towns we're growin' at a pace That's faster'n a pirate'll make you part with a dubloon so step into my waterin' hole, Docs' Thirsty Moose Saloon I'm doin' a bit of hirin' to wait on the clientele I need a barkeep right away and'd like one that can spell The hours are long, the pay's not good, but poets don'tcha know By now you should be used to it, so who'll give 'er a go? If ticklin' the ol' ivories be more your stock an' trade My honky tonk piano's 'bout the finest ever made Again, it pays right poorly, but, you get to keep your tips An' use my old revolver with the pearl handled grips 'Cause the sign may say "Piano Player, kindly please don't shoot!" But most these cowpokes they cain't read an' couldn't give a hoot. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Purty darn good classified ad there, doc. Maybe Allison Oakley will answer it. If you get a chance, bump it up in Open so more people can see it. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yer too bald; ya got gout? Yer real short ‘n yer stout? That fat ole wart on yer chin Well, it’s real ugly as sin! Ain’t got no wimmen in years They look ‘n snicker ‘n sneer? You ask me jist what kin I do? I got ‘n elixier fer you. Ya say yer hair’s fallin’ out? Yer man’s a lazy ole lout. He shore put stink on yer skin; Don’t wanna know where he’s been? You break out in them pimple hives Every time he comes ridin’ on by? He’s puttn’ wrinkles on yer face? With my cream they leave with no trace. C’mon ‘n step up to my tent My potent is heaven sent For you it is only two bits For them two bits you can git it When you got an ache in your teeth ‘N yer wife is snorin’ a heap, Yer butt jest keeps achin’ with hurt ‘N yer crack is filled up with dirt. Yer bunions throbbin’ in yer boots? Yer trigger finger’s got no shoot? Well, I can’t parlay here all day For powder you jist gotta pay This stealin’ deal is jist for today Cause I am headin’ out on my way Today when you pay. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Our dear Alison has turned into a drug dealer???? Any of that ole love potion number 9 left there, girl?? Or something with a husky fragrance??? Thinkin' of you and your waggin' gets me all mushy inside! Crack filled with dirt??? How.....no, I don't even want to know! Nice tootin', girl!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
 My favorite line! |
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katahdin Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196ME. In the Shadow of the Mt. |
They call me Black Bart My duds are as black as my heart I'm the fastest gun in this here west Every cowpoke is wantin' to put me to the test I jist moseyed into this here "Piptown" Thought I'd have me a good look around Doc's Thirsty Moose Saloon looked mighty fine At Serenity's "boardin' house", she'd show me a good time First I was a needin' a good glass of whisky But wit my reputation I knew it'd be risky O'l Doc, I says, "Git me a glass, Make it clean and make it fast." Then I saw him out the corner of my eye I was a hopin' the greenhorn would jist pass on by But I could see he was jist itchin' fer a fight And they'd be a buryin' him tonight He was a cussin' at me and sloshing his beer Then called me some coward name like "Balladeer" So I looked him straight in the eye And said, "Boy...you lookin' ta die!" We'll be a meetin' in the street at noon And that time came real soon My gun hand was a twitchin' as I stared him down I was a thinkin' he should'a left town As the town clock struck the time of day I whipped out my pistol and fired away I thought I'd wing him, teach him a lesson Let him know wit who he was a messin' When the smoke cleared, I seen he weren't hurt There was a pain in my side and red stainin' my shirt Then the light grew dark and my head to spin Damn, that there cowpoke had gone and done me in I awoke to see Sweet Serenity's face Doc had carted me off to her place He said, "Yer were lucky this time son." "Maybe it's time ya give up yer gun." Then he patched me up right And said I was good fer the night Serenity said, "Honey won't ya stay fer a spell?" "Anything fer you darlin', I said, "Ya jist wait till I git well!" Next thing I knew we was wed My life as a gunfighter was dead It was time fer me to settle down So, now I'm the sheriff of this two-bit town |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
 Tall Sally's Saloon by Linda L. Dowd South of the border lived two-fisted Pete. He liked his rum straight and his scotch whisky neat. He wore a bandana 'round his 10-gallon hat, And a vest that was made from pelts of polecat. Each notch on his gun belt was a life he did take, For those who dared cross him, made their final mistake. He was a mean hombre with eyes glinting steel, ~A man made of rock without heart that could feel. He spewed vile words through tobacco-stained teeth, And stomped on the graves of those six feet deep. His bloodstream was cold and running with ice, No man ever lived to cross Bad Pete twice. One scorching day, a ranger rode into town, He asked the townsfolk if Pete was around. A cowboy pointed to the beaten-down bar, As the sun of high noon lit the ranger’s tin star. Bart tethered his horse at Tall Sally’s Saloon, Then spat dusty spit in a big brass spittoon. As he swung the doors open, he peered inside, And saw the marked man push his whiskey aside. The ranger approached him with his hand on his gun. He looked in the eyes of the man on the run. They were evil and vacant and as black as coal, ~He walked with the devil and sold him his soul. Two-fisted Pete pushed his table away, And snarled at the ranger, “You just made my day!" Big Bart then halted and stopped in his tracks, For down came a shower of crumpled greenbacks. An amply-built woman leaned over the railing. “Stay away from my Pete!” Tall Sally was wailing. “You can have all my money and even the bar! ~But don’t touch a hair on that man with the scar!” As Pete raised his gun and aimed at Bart’s head, All of Sal's patrons scrambled and fled. Soon there resounded a thunderin' boom, As the bullet ricocheted throughout the saloon. The ranger then thanked his lucky tin star, ~ Pete’s aim had been poor and had missed him by far! He picked up the greenbacks and ran out the door, And hasn’t been seen in that town anymore. Concubine Sally then raced down the stairs, Climbed on Pete’s lap and bared all her wares. He pinched her plump bottom and slobbered a kiss, ~ He had a big soft spot for this tall, painted Miss. The patrons returned with each wearing a grin. Pete poured his gal Sal a glass of straight gin. Poorly-told jokes crudely spread through the room, As they knocked back their drinks in Tall Sally’s Saloon. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Soon as sparks got to flying in Doc's "Thirsty Moose Saloon," I'd count all my blessings 'til tomorrow's high noon. Nightfall brought out a pick and old burlap sacks, Then I'd go to the clearing by old Maude and Jack's. By flickering lantern light in the pitch dark of night I never stopped digging 'til dawn's early light. Stuffing the body in a sack soaked in high noon's mud, I'd count the shekels I made on this poor shot's blood. Around town people scattered to tell their tall tales The saloon overflowed with bitter-tongued males. The best I could hope for was more conflict tonight. Better dig another hole just in case there's a fight! .  Hi Everyone - been sort of busy but I do read! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
These are great. I am going to be gone until the first of May or so. But, I'll peek in and read when I can. Love these. A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, well, well....the town is growing! We got two saloons, a baudy house, a gunfighter-turned-sheriff, an undertaker, a potion peddler...who else might happen by??? |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Havin' a good ol' time with all this, drinks are on me folks an' since no-one's applied for "piano player" guess I'll bang one out with apologies to Eric Clapton. Doc Long Tall Sallys' There ain't nothin' that is wrong in comin' here to post poetry I know y'all got tales to tell so while you write yourself a poem I'll bang these keys an' have a drink on thee. (chorus) Long tall Sally, she an' her man ol' Pete got to likin' Piptown, set up shop too Long tall Sally, we sure like your Saloon I been singin' all night long 'bout the two of you The fun ain't nearly just begun an' we got gypsy woman Alison Black Bart fer a sheriff now fun is all that matters, wouldn't you agree? an' have a drink on me (chorus) Mysteria's a'diggin' nights buryin' the dead so handily those slow guns who done went bye-bye She done laid their bodies down, they're history so have a drink on me! ( chorus x 2) [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (04-15-2011 08:44 AM).] |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Ah, yes! The good ole days in the Wild, Wild, West! Well, as it turned out, Pete ended up cheating on Tall Sally and like him, no one ever got to done her wrong more than once! +*+*+ Pete's Epitaph Here lies Pete who lost his mind. Died from drinking hemlock wine ~ made by wrath-filled concubine, who drew up will then made him sign! +*+*+ ~ Linda L. Dowd |
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faithmairee Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441Poe Haven, USA |
the circus comes to PIP town lordy, who is it we see there's that gal faithmairee swinging on the trapeze There must be a poem in here somewhere. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yes, there must be a poem in there, faithmarie....gimme one!! |
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faithmairee Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441Poe Haven, USA |
you didn't specify length...i'm a trapeze artist in the circus in town There must be a poem in here somewhere. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
ok...works for me! I'm working on the compiling so any others who wish to participate better do it pronto!! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
I thank ya folks right kindly fer attendin' this soiree The Thirsty Moose won't be the same with you folks gone away It's all been fun, an' I liked your poems, an' y'all come back ag'in ( I'll even promise not to sing, it's comp'rable to sin!) So folks I guess it's closin' time "Last call" says Balladeer Now I ain'yt sayin' "Y'all go home", it's just ya cain't stay here. Doc |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
So much fun, and lawd, Ali, I wish I would I have thought of the snake oil sales first! I enjoyed this bunches. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
OK, it's posted. Thanks to all for your participation and coming out with guns blazin' |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, our poem was a rousing success. We had 5 responses, including one from one of the contributors, Dr. Moose. Congratulations. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, For those of us who participated, it was. It also drew some new contributors into the workshop and kept a couple regulars entertained. Numbers? I've said it before and I'll say it again. I think people tend to shy away from anything I'm involved with as I'm not much for replying to others' posts. If that is indeed the case and doomed this effort from more reviews, you have my sincere apologies. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
That's crazy, Moose. You are one of the most talented writers we have and a very decent fellow, besides. That ain't it at all. Heck, not even the poem's own contributors who have been online since commented on it, so that would be me, not you, since I put it together. I have it!! We two can begin our own Paranoid Poets at PIP forum!  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Michael, You can definately count all of myselves in on that one, lol. Glad to see your sense of humor is intact. When I first didn't see it in open I thought for sure you sold the rights to Hollywood and I was about to go on a big spending spree with all that anticipated cash, please tell me that's why it ain't there. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
it's there. doc. you need to go back a few pages. it took the Passions Plummet. reserved for unloved lyrical losers. such is life, my friend |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Just as a side note. The Siegle -Schwall Band did an excellent little number called "Rumours of Long Tall Sally". You may find it worth a listen. Doc |
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