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Love’s Law
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Love’s Law |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Love, it is so clear to me what trade you ply, My sometime friend and sometime deadly foe, It is so clear to me now chained and locked within a broken mind, How finally I tried your calculated patience too far. ~ In youth I stood before the Bench, While you with magisterial but gentle judgement rapped upon my wand’ring wrists. “Desist or learn to suffer at my hands” you said, And, heedless, I with heart strong pace the energies of tender years proceeded to abuse and waste. ~ And now too late I know you were so kind, Softening each Sentence with parole or time away for good behaviour. Your laws applied so lightly that I barely felt the hurt; just lazy luxurious lust. But in years your sage advice seeped through me, Bathing my red-filled sense with sense and calm, Then rarely was I called before your court, And gladly paid your meagre rendered fee, Believing that my future bliss was bought. ~ And now, too late, I know my arrogance and pride, The smug conceit with which I stole your help, still sure that I could carve my life from shards of stubborn strength if you refused my brief. The law you taught me well I outwardly applied with hypocritical consistency and even tears when called for by your script. Yet client to your cause I still remained. The change began the day we met beneath the door to your enchanted rooms and entered heart in heart. And Love, you loved her from the first and took her side, You lightly laid your ageless hand upon her head and undertook by Deed to nurture and to guide. ~ Then truly I repaid her truth and gladly bowed to you, And for a sweet and close bound age it seemed whispers were sealed With more than smoky red run wax or patterns pressed into Thin skin. Just for a short eternity I meekly kneeled (youthful again) before your grand assize. This time you smiled And filled the empty altar vows with something more than cant And made them more than quick cheap bedroom visas neatly filed In some dead sexless crypt. Yet even as you rose puissant Within that part of me I wryly call my heart; I fell. Such gentle murder of her trust, such soft deception done While still invoking that which she believed she knew so well; Your name. So delicately did I crack the Seal and shun Your law, while you in anguish saw her shrivel in my care Her futile wide eyed search for me in you; and me not there. ~ Love it is so clear to me now, at my last Appeal Why you, stern-hearted, should reject my further plea. Condemn if you will, but first consider this: Did you ever deal with her, The way you dealt with me? |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
 WOW ! This is awesome !  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I agree! All I can say is WOW! Excellent writing! Denise |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Philip: I suppose it's no surprise to you that I can say more than just "wow", although "wow" is certainly amongst the words I would choose to describe my reaction to it. I see more than a personification/anthropomorphism of love here, Philip. There are certain theological allusions I detected including the law (of love), a concept of grace and mercy, and altar vows, to name a few. This is an interesting format too. A graduated increase in stanza length, a blank verse (metrical but non-rhyming) with occasional internal rhymes. Why did you choose to do it this way? I suspect it was because you liked it this way. Well, I did too. Excellent job here. Later. The JimBouderWocky Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Munda & Denise .. ~smile~ thank you both very much. Jim Thanks to you as well. I won't say any more (in case teacher wants a clear run to tear it to shreds) except that this was a real struggle ..lol as you know i haven't written much lately .. this was sorta the first for a while. Also .. Blank verse, blank verse?? .. ok yes but ... what about the SONNET !!! Surely you of all people didn't miss it ..  Anyway thanks for your kind comments. Philip |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
 Oops, sorry 'bout that....I was so occupied with the content I totally missed the SONNET That makes it a double * Handing Philip some homemade Dutch apple pie * Did I make up now ?  |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Make up!!!! Wow .. get on the next plane to the UK .. Apple Pie my fav. Anyway it is an unconventional sonnet, 14 syllables with variations in meter type, so its maybe a little difficult to spot, but then I felt sure the great sonnet man himself would notice ..Btw some will maybe say it isn't strictly a sonnet at all .. I can't wait to have a good argument ooops I mean "discussion" Philip |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
*bows to the worthy poet master* WOW....I am humbled in your presence. This is magnificent!!! Wonderful job my freind  |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ruth .. honestly .. its very kind of you but ~blush~ "poet master" indeed !! Still maybe if you really think that .. you might consider comin back and sittin next to me again .. I need your help even if jim doesn't But thanks again anyway Philip |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
WOW! My hat's off to you (sorry to be so late in getting to this one) I was just about to make some wise crack like "fine but it's no sonnet" when I was your later comment. Wow, there really is a sonnet in there. One would have thought I would have seen that right off. One of the first sonnets I posted in the CA was 14 syllables/line. A format, BTW, of which I fully approve, ~ducks to avoid the ubiquitous and incidious spitballs from all sides~ so I congratulate you for writing a fine one and being able to slip it past the sonnet bigots As I understand our asignment, I think you have excelled. Great work my man. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
OK OK, I got here earlier than I said I would. I AM, however too tired to analyse right now - if I forget to come back you have my permission to nag me until I do. My God, this is impressive, Mr Surveyor. Yep - impressive. Powerful lines and an excellent tone. DEFINITELY coming back!! LOL K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
WOW! I stand heartily impressed! OK, here's the truth: I read this several days ago, but felt unable to respond at that time, so I've just read it again and I am still not sure what words might do justice to this. Your theme is well-developed, your personification is both effective and multilayered -- in fact, you have taken it far beyond the requirements of the workshop into a realm of poetic philosophy. You have made your Judge unfailingly believeable, which is the true test of good personification. My verse seems meager in its shadow ... Well, well done. --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Thanks Pete and Jim, I've posted a fuller reply in CA. K ..... analyse!? no thanks ..lol I can't take it its already been dissected by Jenni and Jim in CA ! Me? nag you .. heh heh I wouldn't dare .. anyway "freezing" .. am I allowed to say that here? Kess Your verse meagre !!!!!! lol .. I think we're on different planets as well as different times .. thank you for your comments though Philip |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Only if I'm allowed to analyse.... (freezing indeed...) |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Oh yeah - notice I'm NOT actually analysing....expect much gratitude... HAHAHA |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Well, now.... I do think I may need a full pot of coffee with this one...  This is simply intriguing - You've taken the term Free Verse and given it new meaning, for sure... Your entire poem stands as a truly effective extended metaphor, and incorporates a plethora of literary devices to accentuate your theme. Love, personified - You've certainly mastered that little cliché - in style, I might add.... I really can't find a line of verse in this work that doesn't include some form of imagery - I see primarily - metaphorical personification, incorporating some rather intricate tropisms within a superb format of enjambment. Your investiture of Love as our "judge and jury" in life is certainly effectively portrayed (and it's pretty accurate, if you ask me). You've dressed Love in pontifical attire; you've confirmed and deified its power over humanity. Your soliloquy is artfully composed, my friend... I missed your sonnet on my first read, as I simply wasn't looking for it... BUT - being a stalwart structuralist..... Don'cha got too many syllables?????.... LOL - Remember the line from "Amadeus".... "too many notes..."??? When you find the key to resolve this life-long conundrum, will you kindly share it with me, btw? Also - How did you find time to write this when you were fooling around so much in class? I'll probably have more comments on this one - After I recuperate from this round.....  [This message has been edited by Nan (edited 02-12-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LMAO here Nancy .. do I get two for the price of one ..? lol Don't get me wrong, I'm truly grateful and honoured that you kindly looked at this and found time to write so much about it, but in point of fact it was from Kess's workshop on personification and i'm not sure whether you realised that when you looked at it... y'see I didn't even know about the free verse workshop when i wrote it .. lol. As for the sonnet well of course being a sorta colleague of the sonnet king himself that miscreant JB I guess I'm pretty well aware of the strict form of a Shakespearean sonnet and several other "older models" as well ..(if you don't believe me go check out the Enchanted Quill thread in CA and also myriad other triologies etc .. there's been a kinda sonnet fever ..lol). HOWEVER "my book" says we shouldn't be hidebound by such archaic form .. aside from the requirement that a sonnet should be 14 lines with a "turn" at lines 8/9 it says i can do whatever i want .....lol .... so I did Meanwhile thanks again for the comments .. my real Free Verse post was "Again" posted recently ...... guess Jim foolin' around in the back row with X-Angel distracted you .. heh heh ...... Philip |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
WOW! Nan just sent me to this poem, how do you do it? I want names, dates, video tape. Whatever! But I want TWO of whatever it is that makes you write like this. You make it very hard to compete *wink*. (and don't you for one minute think I was fooling around with Jim....I was writing poetry, I was! I promise!) I am honored to be in a class with someone of such poetical merit, would ya- could ya pleeeease sit next to me so some of your talent rub off on me? ~X~ "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?!" ~Groucho Marx |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Well, I guess that's what I get for not locking all the old threads before moving on - but I hadn't commented on all of them yet - so in reality, I just got a "head start on catching up".... Is that an oxymoron? |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
this is incredible...from start to finish...the thought started, was well contemplated, formed and finished with style....great job |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
X-A You know I owe you one so yep you can sit next to me with pleasure but to be honest after reading your stuff i guess it's me who's gonna benefit.... Nancy .. thanks again .. as for "head start on catching up" .. imagine three people hiking up a mountain, after a while one gets quite a way ahead the other two lag. One of the two behind stops to tie a lace and the other just at that moment says "race you to catch up our friend !" .. guess you could say that he would have "a head start on catching up" ...lol... And thanks to you also Corazon .. thanks very much indeed .. Philip |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Fine...FINE! Ignore me then...sniff... HUMPH! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
K .. what's with the sulk?? ..lol Ignore !!!! ?? .. protest .. I didn't .. what's this ?? : "K ..... analyse!? no thanks ..lol I can't take it its already been dissected by Jenni and Jim in CA ! Me? nag you .. heh heh I wouldn't dare .. anyway "freezing" .. am I allowed to say that here?" and you wrote this: "I AM, however too tired to analyse right now - if I forget to come back you have my permission to nag me until I do." .. yeah so now I'm nagging ... (gently) see ya P |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
This is an amazing poem. I'm sorry, I am new to poetry in general, and certainly don't know much at all about free verse, and that's why I'm here. But I do know what I like when I see it, and this is wonderful. I read and learn. Thank you for posting this piece Liz (Now I've got to look up some of the terms in Nan's response) |
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