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Me and My Shadow (Sonnet)
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Me and My Shadow (Sonnet) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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The Shadow Sonnet was created by Amera M. Andersen, may be written in any sonnet style. The Shadow takes place at the beginning and ending of each line as the words are identical or homophonic. Since all poetry was originally meant to be sung or recited out loud, homophonic words are acceptable, these are words that sound alike such as “see and sea”. (Rules: 14 lines, 9 or 10 syllables per line. Iambic pentameter is not necessary.) Spirit to Spirit So many things have turned my spirit so. Yet I do resist and yield to it yet. Know that I give my strength for you to know. Forget you? Nay, I shall never forget. Left with my sandpaper dreams since you left. Love lies in my spirit, for you my love. Theft of your presence is not spirit theft. Above all my dreams, I hold you above. You now have returned, I knew it was you. Waiting so long as my heart was waiting; few have returned, yet you're one of the few. Aching for you as my soul was aching. War takes so many; yet, you've beaten war. Door of my spirit, come enter my door. Copyright © 2007 Amera M. Andersen [This message has been edited by Balladeer (08-17-2009 08:14 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Whoa I don't quite understand the meter your talking about (I still need to study)so I probably won't attempt this one. I'll be here too see other's though. Rileigh |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Would the pieces being submitted receive any feedback? |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
"The poem should have a volta or pivit" Can you explain the above since looking it up in search got me nowhere?  M [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (08-17-2009 08:40 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
CC83, there was no specific meter discussed. you may use the one of your choice, as long as the sentences are 9-10 syllables long. Marc-Andre....of course there is feedback. This is a workshop  Maureen...beats me about the volta. The pivit I have to assume was a misspelling of pivot. As you can see in the example, half of the poem was about feelings when someone was gone and the second half about feelings after they returned. We don't really need to ass such a stipulation to this exercize, though, and I'll remove that requirement. Thank you... |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Riliegh, I believe what "Deer " meant by "Iambic is not necessary" is shown by the example he picked. 1st line, iambic ( da Dum da Dum etc ) 2nd line, definately not iambic, 3rd line, iambic, 4th line, definately not iambic, and so on. Doc Marc, Your sarcasm is understandable, but I'm guessing it's just been an oversight on Balladeers' part. With the exception of Nan, he's about the only one here with the skills to give meaningful critique to poetry on your level unless maybe Pete were to drop in. Doc Nakd, I'll take a stab at this one. the "volta" in poetry refers to a turning point or "pivot". The "pivit" Balladeer refers to is the result of eye fatigue or fat fingers on the keyboard. Doc I see while I was composing this Balladeer beat me to the post. Oh well, Michael, Marc has posted under some other topic here in the shop, and apparently you missed it, hence his question. Doc |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Now, I ought to be able to do this one, if iambic pentemeter isn't required. LOL! I'll see what I can do. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thank you, moose. I missed the sarcasm part and will look for his posts. Aha...I so see where I has missed you, Marc-Andre. Unfortunately, real life raises it's head once in a while and, if a thread goes through the day without my seeing it and disappears off the today's topics list, I may miss it altogether. It's nothing personal. I've always admired your work. For you, or anyone else who has submitted entries without comment, please use the e-mail icon and let me know and I assure you I will find it and respond. No omission of response is personal. It just happens sometimes when my computer time is limited. I'm not like Ron, who has nothing to do but sit in front of the computer and play |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
giving it a try: Last to Last No standing by, the answer was "no". He left for another, she for he. So aloneness becomes this one so. Free to be me, now rose colored free. There is only one and you were there. To support in need when needed to. Where once was loving, love left to where? Blue the feelings, in a life of blue. Years to remember, bottled up years. Heart filled with always, taking my heart. Tears once battled, now empty of tears. Depart for new, it's time to depart. Past is forgiveness, to stay the past. Last words are mine, you won't be my last. M |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Wow, Maureen. I am impressed. Mark, I know it's frustrating to feel like your work is 'overlooked' - but you know you said it once, you said it twice ... let's not rewrite Chicken Soup and Rice. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I apologise for the sarcastic tone. I'm glad to see the workshop alive and moving again I'm rather busy as I'm working on poems for an upcoming first publication (experimental and ultra-modernist poetry) but I'll try to catch up on the assignments here.Of course, Balladeer will received some published thanks as I've promised before 8) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nice, Maureen! You stuck to the rules perfectly and created a very nice piece indeed. Can't say I'm thrilled about the "she for he", though.  |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
well what can I say...he left me and she left someone for "he"~~~well that was then and was the best I could come up with ... but I don't believe it suits my style hmmm or did you mean you didn't like the she for he instead of proper English as ...she for him...or did you think he left me for a she then left her for a he...darn now even I am confused !!! sighing~~ M |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
LOL! No, I was referring to the fracturing of the English language, not the gender bender stuff |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
laughing here...I agree, but it is very hard to use the same words at the beginning and end and make sense too... like I said, it isn't my cup of tea ( and I don't even like tea) M |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Ok, so it IS required that SOME form of meter be used, but not necessarily iambic? Arana Darkwolf |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
That's right, miss |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
"Not so" says he " I'll not give in, I'll not!" No shadow form will better me, oh no! Begone impediments to this, begone ! Go forth to plague some other poet, go! Fight fair or not I'll not give up the fight. Oppose me only if you'd dare oppose one who's acquired the name of being one knows how to beat you forms in shape, and knows, Wars shouldn't be fought for sake of fighting wars. Games played for their own sake are merely games. Mix up the two and you'll be in a mix, same as it's always been, the same old same. Fools set on doing battle made for fools, choose wisely what the outcome is you'd choose. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I knew it would be no problem for you, moose man. I think you need an extra assignment to test your mettle. Do it again....this time use homophonic words instead. If you can do that, I'll forgive you for the spitballs! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
ARRRGH! Not that the seaman did it all for knot or paddled up the creek without an oar We're not supposed to say he found a weir bored as 'e was an' all with bein' a-board E's just a man o' leisure at 'is ease Peas porridge hot 'is hunger would appease seize on the fact he's sailed the seven seas parties it down, this man is not part tease! Terns laugh at him and dive bomb taking turns Fair fights? no one will opt to pay their fare Days past have seemed to put him in a daze Bear witness now do not strip this man bare Dear me, it would appear it's Balla"deer" 'pears 'e's been poked about some by 'is peers! [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-18-2009 05:24 PM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
 I surrender...you da man, er, moose! |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Um teacher, sir, I'm having second thoughts on doing this one. |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Crap...I think I did it wrong....my rhyme scheme ended up aabb ccdd ee. But I got it in Trochaic meter. Is that acceptable? WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY YOU bring ME up WHEN i’m FEELing BLUE TRUE is WHAT i’ll ALways BE to YOU FATE has SET us ON each OTHer’s PLATE GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE Arana Darkwolf |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
grrr!!! it's not enough lines!!! back to the drawing...writing...board. Arana Darkwolf |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
k....try this one...aabb ccdd eeff gg WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY YOU bring ME up WHEN i’m FEELing BLUE TRUE is WHAT i’ll ALways BE to YOU FATE has SET us ON each OTHer’s PLATE GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE GAMES are PLAYED in LOVE’S beLOVed NAME MAIM my HEART oh LOVEly FATEful GAME ONE day WHEN you SUDdenLY are GONE WONT i’ll BE to JOIN you THERE beyOND Arana Darkwolf |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, M'friend, surely surrender is not an option. Beat me to the pulp that I am accustomed to, and then I will know I'm not dealing with an imposter. Doc |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer' Most surely surrender's not an option. Beat me to the pulp I've come to expect, and then I'll know you're no imposter. Doc Tried to fix the double post without result, my bad, help. Thnxs Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
OK, Rachel! Your trochaic is very well done. You're getting the hang of this meter thingy, methinks I don't care for that last line, though. "Wont I'll be..." just doesn't make a lot of sense to me but, if that's your choice, then so be it. I admire your perserverance! |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Good Sir Balladeer, I thank you for your compliment and for your constructive criticism. Perhaps some insight into the intent of the use of the word "wont" will be helpful. The term was meant to be used as saying that I'll be striving for or wanting or dwelling on something as illustrated in Mirriam Webster's definition below: Main Entry: 1wont Pronunciation: \ˈwȯnt, ˈwônt also ˈwənt, ˈwänt\ Function: adjective Etymology: Middle English woned, wont, from past participle of wonen to dwell, be used to, from Old English wunian; akin to Old High German wonçn to dwell, be used to, Sanskrit vanoti he strives for — more at win Arana Darkwolf |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yes, I looked that up before I responded. It appeared to me you were trying to say with "Wont I'll be to join you...", a desire to be, not used to be. As I say...your choice. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You PAID Bobby to say that!!!! |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
LOL...I most certainly did not, Sir! I am much more honorable than that! ~trying really hard not to giggle~ But I understand why the use of the word, given it's literal deffinition may be disconcerting. Arana Darkwolf |
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