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Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2009-08-16 11:36 PM

The Shadow Sonnet was created by Amera M. Andersen, may be written in any sonnet style.
The Shadow takes place at the beginning and ending of each line as the words are identical or
homophonic. Since all poetry was originally meant to be sung or recited out loud, homophonic
words are acceptable, these are words that sound alike such as “see and sea”. (Rules: 14 lines,
9 or 10 syllables per line. Iambic pentameter is not
necessary.)
Spirit to Spirit

So many things have turned my spirit so.
Yet I do resist and yield to it yet.
Know that I give my strength for you to know.
Forget you? Nay, I shall never forget.

Left with my sandpaper dreams since you left.
Love lies in my spirit, for you my love.
Theft of your presence is not spirit theft.
Above all my dreams, I hold you above.

You now have returned, I knew it was you.
Waiting so long as my heart was waiting;
few have returned, yet you're one of the few.
Aching for you as my soul was aching.

War takes so many; yet, you've beaten war.
Door of my spirit, come enter my door.

Copyright © 2007 Amera M. Andersen

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (08-17-2009 08:14 AM).]

crosscountry83
Member

since 2009-07-30

Posts 345

1 posted 2009-08-17 12:20 PM

Whoa I don't quite understand the meter your talking about (I still need to study)so I probably won't attempt this one. I'll be here too see other's though.

Rileigh

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

2 posted 2009-08-17 03:54 AM

Would the pieces being submitted receive any feedback?

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2009-08-17 07:33 AM

"The poem should have a volta or pivit"

Can you explain the above since looking it up in search got me nowhere?

M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (08-17-2009 08:40 AM).]

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 2009-08-17 08:14 AM

CC83, there was no specific meter discussed. you may use the one of your choice, as long as the sentences are 9-10 syllables long.

Marc-Andre....of course there is feedback. This is a workshop

Maureen...beats me about the volta. The pivit I have to assume was a misspelling of pivot. As you can see in the example, half of the poem was about feelings when someone was gone and the second half about feelings after they returned. We don't really need to ass such a stipulation to this exercize, though, and I'll remove that requirement. Thank you...

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

5 posted 2009-08-17 08:44 AM

Riliegh,
I believe what "Deer " meant by "Iambic is not necessary" is shown by the example he picked. 1st line, iambic ( da Dum da Dum etc ) 2nd line, definately not iambic, 3rd line, iambic, 4th line, definately not iambic, and so on.
Doc

Marc,
Your sarcasm is understandable, but I'm guessing it's just been an oversight on Balladeers' part. With the exception of Nan, he's about the only one here with the skills to give meaningful critique to poetry on your level unless maybe Pete were to drop in.
Doc

Nakd,
I'll take a stab at this one. the "volta" in poetry refers to a turning point or "pivot". The "pivit" Balladeer refers to
is the result of eye fatigue or fat fingers
on the keyboard.
Doc

I see while I was composing this Balladeer
beat me to the post. Oh well, Michael, Marc has posted under some other topic here in the shop, and apparently you missed it, hence his question.
Doc

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

6 posted 2009-08-17 08:52 AM

Now, I ought to be able to do this one, if iambic pentemeter isn't required. LOL! I'll see what I can do.

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

7 posted 2009-08-17 09:09 AM

Thank you, moose. I missed the sarcasm part and will look for his posts.

Aha...I so see where I has missed you, Marc-Andre. Unfortunately, real life raises it's head once in a while and, if a thread goes through the day without my seeing it and disappears off the today's topics list, I may miss it altogether. It's nothing personal. I've always admired your work.

For you, or anyone else who has submitted entries without comment, please use the e-mail icon and let me know and I assure you I will find it and respond. No omission of response is personal. It just happens sometimes when my computer time is limited. I'm not like Ron, who has nothing to do but sit in front of the computer and play

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

8 posted 2009-08-17 10:34 AM

giving it a try:

Last to Last

No standing by, the answer was "no".
He left for another, she for he.
So aloneness becomes this one so.
Free to be me, now rose colored free.

There is only one and you were there.
To support in need when needed to.
Where once was loving, love left to where?
Blue the feelings, in a life of blue.

Years to remember, bottled up years.
Heart filled with always, taking my heart.
Tears once battled, now empty of tears.
Depart for new, it's time to depart.

Past is forgiveness, to stay the past.
Last words are mine, you won't be my last.

M

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

9 posted 2009-08-17 10:40 AM

Wow, Maureen. I am impressed.

Mark,

I know it's frustrating to feel like your work is 'overlooked' - but you know you said it once, you said it twice ... let's not rewrite Chicken Soup and Rice.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

10 posted 2009-08-17 12:06 PM

I apologise for the sarcastic tone. I'm glad to see the workshop alive and moving again

I'm rather busy as I'm working on poems for an upcoming first publication (experimental and ultra-modernist poetry) but I'll try to catch up on the assignments here.

Of course, Balladeer will received some published thanks as I've promised before 8)

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

11 posted 2009-08-17 03:38 PM

Very nice, Maureen! You stuck to the rules perfectly and created a very nice piece indeed. Can't say I'm thrilled about the "she for he", though.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

12 posted 2009-08-17 06:11 PM

well what can I say...he left me and she left someone for "he"~~~well that was then and was the best I could come up with ... but I don't believe it suits my style

hmmm or did you mean you didn't like the she for he instead of proper English as ...she for him...or did you think he left me for a she then left her for a he...darn now even I am confused !!!
sighing~~

M

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

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13 posted 2009-08-17 06:42 PM

LOL! No, I was referring to the fracturing of the English language, not the gender bender stuff

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

14 posted 2009-08-17 06:47 PM

laughing here...I agree, but it is very hard to use the same words at the beginning and end and make sense too... like I said, it isn't my cup of tea ( and I don't even like tea)

M

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

15 posted 2009-08-17 08:20 PM

Ok, so it IS required that SOME form of meter be used, but not necessarily iambic?

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

16 posted 2009-08-17 09:53 PM

That's right, miss

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

17 posted 2009-08-18 02:41 PM

"Not so" says he " I'll not give in, I'll not!"
No shadow form will better me, oh no!
Begone impediments to this, begone !
Go forth to plague some other poet, go!

Fight fair or not I'll not give up the fight.
Oppose me only if you'd dare oppose
one who's acquired the name of being one
knows how to beat you forms in shape, and knows,

Wars shouldn't be fought for sake of fighting wars.
Games played for their own sake are merely games.
Mix up the two and you'll be in a mix,
same as it's always been, the same old same.

Fools set on doing battle made for fools,
choose wisely what the outcome is you'd choose.

Balladeer

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Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

18 posted 2009-08-18 02:49 PM

I knew it would be no problem for you, moose man. I think you need an extra assignment to test your mettle.

Do it again....this time use homophonic words instead. If you can do that, I'll forgive you for the spitballs!

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

19 posted 2009-08-18 03:38 PM

ARRRGH!

Not that the seaman did it all for knot
or paddled up the creek without an oar
We're not supposed to say he found a weir
bored as 'e was an' all with bein' a-board

E's just a man o' leisure at 'is ease
Peas porridge hot 'is hunger would appease
seize on the fact he's sailed the seven seas
parties it down, this man is not part tease!

Terns laugh at him and dive bomb taking turns
Fair fights? no one will opt to pay their fare
Days past have seemed to put him in a daze
Bear witness now do not strip this man bare

Dear me, it would appear it's Balla"deer"
'pears 'e's been poked about some by 'is peers!

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-18-2009 05:24 PM).]

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

20 posted 2009-08-18 07:47 PM

I surrender...you da man, er, moose!

Oklahoma Rose
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since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

21 posted 2009-08-18 08:39 PM

Um teacher, sir, I'm having second thoughts on doing this one.

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

22 posted 2009-08-18 10:11 PM

Crap...I think I did it wrong....my rhyme scheme ended up aabb ccdd ee. But I got it in Trochaic meter. Is that acceptable?

WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE
GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE
WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN
WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN

I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY
I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY
YOU bring ME up WHEN i’m FEELing BLUE
TRUE is WHAT i’ll ALways BE to YOU

FATE has SET us ON each OTHer’s PLATE
GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

23 posted 2009-08-18 10:19 PM

grrr!!! it's not enough lines!!! back to the drawing...writing...board.

Arana Darkwolf

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

24 posted 2009-08-18 10:51 PM

k....try this one...aabb ccdd eeff gg

WE were ALways MEANT to BE you SEE
GLEE just FILLS my HEART for ALL to SEE
WHEN your HANDS touch ME i FEEL aGAIN
WHEN we TOUCH my HEAD beGINS to SPIN

I would NEver TRY to QUEstion WHY
I have NEver FELT the NEED to CRY
YOU bring ME up WHEN i’m FEELing BLUE
TRUE is WHAT i’ll ALways BE to YOU

FATE has SET us ON each OTHer’s PLATE
GREAT love SEEMS to ALways WAIT for FATE
GAMES are PLAYED in LOVE’S beLOVed NAME
MAIM my HEART oh LOVEly FATEful GAME

ONE day WHEN you SUDdenLY are GONE
WONT i’ll BE to JOIN you THERE beyOND

Arana Darkwolf

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

25 posted 2009-08-18 11:10 PM

Balladeer,
M'friend, surely surrender is not an option.
Beat me to the pulp that I am accustomed to, and then I will know I'm not dealing with an imposter.
Doc

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

26 posted 2009-08-18 11:16 PM

Balladeer'
Most surely surrender's not an option. Beat me to the pulp I've come to expect, and then I'll know you're no imposter.
Doc
Tried to fix the double post without result, my bad, help. Thnxs
Doc

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

27 posted 2009-08-18 11:38 PM

OK, Rachel! Your trochaic is very well done. You're getting the hang of this meter thingy, methinks

I don't care for that last line, though. "Wont I'll be..." just doesn't make a lot of sense to me but, if that's your choice, then so be it.

I admire your perserverance!

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

28 posted 2009-08-19 02:29 PM

Good Sir Balladeer,
I thank you for your compliment and for your constructive criticism. Perhaps some insight into the intent of the use of the word "wont" will be helpful.
The term was meant to be used as saying that I'll be striving for or wanting or dwelling on something as illustrated in Mirriam Webster's definition below:

Main Entry: 1wont
Pronunciation: \ˈwȯnt, ˈwônt also ˈwənt, ˈwänt\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English woned, wont, from past participle of wonen to dwell, be used to, from Old English wunian; akin to Old High German wonçn to dwell, be used to, Sanskrit vanoti he strives for — more at win

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

29 posted 2009-08-19 06:44 PM

Yes, I looked that up before I responded. It appeared to me you were trying to say with "Wont I'll be to join you...", a desire to be, not used to be.

As I say...your choice.

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

30 posted 2009-08-19 07:59 PM

You PAID Bobby to say that!!!!

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

31 posted 2009-08-19 08:10 PM

LOL...I most certainly did not, Sir! I am much more honorable than that! ~trying really hard not to giggle~ But I understand why the use of the word, given it's literal deffinition may be disconcerting.

Arana Darkwolf

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