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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Me Terzanelle - You Game?? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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This one is fairly challenging and not required homework....just extra credits and gold stars  The Terzanelle is a poetry type which is a combination of the villanelle and the terza rima forms. It is a 19-line poem consisting of five interlocking triplets/tercets plus a concluding quatrain in which the first and third lines of the first triplet appear as refrains. The middle line of each triplet is repeated, reappearing as the last line of the succeeding triplet with the exception of the center line of the next-to-the-last stanza which appears in the quatrain. The rhyme and refrain scheme for the triplets is as follows: 1. A 2. B 3. A 4. b 5. C 6. B 7. c 8. D 9. C 10. d 11. E 12. D 13. e 14. F 15. E Ending Type 1: 16. f 17. A 18. F 19. A Ending Type 2: 16. f 17. F 18. A 19. A Each line of the poem should be the same metrical length. September September, drifting in with glow of moon, You stifle Summer’s ardor. . . and she grieves. In guise of fire, then Fall comes all too soon. Your breath grows cool. You’ll blow and loosen leaves. The hills and woodlands will reflect new hues. You stifle Summer’s ardor. . . and she grieves. In Autumn’s chill, the colors are a ruse. For as you pass, the trees are set ablaze. The hills and woodlands then reflect new hues. Though warmth may linger through your final days, old Sun is waning, yet he still seems strong! For as you pass, the trees are set ablaze. September, you’re a melancholy song. Though time be short, you paint a brilliant dusk! Old sun is waning, yet he still seems strong. October looms. . . Your ending will be brusque. September, drifting in with glow of moon, though time be short, you paint a brilliant dusk. In guise of fire, then Fall comes all too soon. Copyright © 2006 Andrea Dietrich |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Is this one done with iambic pentemeter, or tetrameter? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Whatever you choose, Rose, as long as it's constant. |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok! I will see what I can do. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"Me Terzanelle - You Game?? " ~ You're one clever Dude, Tarzan! When I get my ropes together, I'll give it a swing!  JANE |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Well, I gathered my ropes and was swinging from tree to tree in my attempt at writing this Terzanelle, dear TARZAN! JANEStanding Strong When skies are gray and clouds block out the sun, I know beyond the clouds the sky is blue. With hopefulness in heart, each day’s begun. From my thoughts, new realities are spun. I live my life with honesty and grace. I know beyond the clouds the sky is blue. My mirror shows a smiling, friendy face. With thankfulness, I start each brand new day. I live my life with honesty and grace. I know God’s angels guide me on my way. There is no mountain top that I can't climb. With thankfulness, I start each brand new day. I live each day not wasting precious time. I'm standing strong. ~ Try never to be weak. There is no mountain top that I can’t climb. Each word is given care before I speak. When skies are gray and clouds block out the sun. I'm standing strong. ~ Try never to be weak. When skies are gray and clouds block out the sun. LLD [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-21-2009 11:21 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Wow, Linda....I am beyond impressed. This is a magnificent piece of work. Not only did you follow the many rules involved, you did so with excellent construction and meter. There is only one suggestion I would make.. In my mirror ~ reflects a friendly face. I would change that since it is choppy and deviates from the smooth flow you had created. Maybe something like "My mirror shows a smiling, friendy face" or something along those lines. Btw, I asked Cheetah for his opinion of your poem and Ithink he likes it. Don'ttake any wooden grapevines!  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, My turn to take a couple of percocets and a valium or three. I'll be back with the results. Doc |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Thank you, Balladeer, for the nice comments and for your suggestion. That Was the one line that I laboured the most over. I kept rewiriting it and now it's perfect, thanks to your expertise.It would be nic to have an editor to carry around in my pocket ~ or perhaps I could make a backpack made-to-measure! Mind you, your antlers weil have to hang out.  Thank you ~ and the chimp! Have a great day, LL |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Share the Truth With Me What's meant to be, with You and I, As time goes by, my heart in hand? The sun shall rise, with moon in sky. Each day shall come, while here I stand To help you make it through the years, As time goes by, my heart in hand. With less the shedding of the tears While crossing over shadows' hold To help you make it through the years. Allowing feelings to unfold For trusting, listening with your heart While crossing over shadows' hold. Those paths we take, sometimes apart, Therein, the lessons to be learned For trusting, listening with your heart. Those storms will pass when winds have turned. Therein, the lessons to be learned. What's meant to be, with You and I... What's meant to be, with You and I? M ( p.s. listening is spoken as list'ning..if that is permitted) [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (07-22-2009 04:57 PM).] |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
m your writing is beautiful shel |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
i'm thinking moose took too many percocets...he never takes this long on an assignment  |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
He's trying to avoid eraser cleaning detail.  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Beset by sweaty palms and prone to fits 'twas obvious I had some malady, the truth of this I've pondered quite a bit. Which led me down to the infirmary, perhaps I'd caught some funky kind of flu 'twas obvious I had some malady. In backless gown and funny paper shoes, most surely this was quite a sight to see. Perhaps I'd caught some funky kind of flu. Turns out it was a writers' allergy brought on by certain forms of poetry. Most surely this was quite a sight to see. Thus reasoning to let some formats be should well outdo a valium or three brought on by certain forms of poetry. This combo which 'bout brought me to my knees, beset by sweaty palms and prone to fits should well outdo a valium or three the truth of this I've pondered quite a bit. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Maureen, list'ning is fine and works well. The poem itself is pure excellence, as are all of your assignments. You may have gotten confused at the ending, though. The last two lines of the quatrain are the first and third lines of the first stanza, as in villanelle form. The other acceptable ending is the second and fourth lines of the ending quatrain are the forst and third lines of the first. Perhaps that's what you meant to do....? AACKKK!!! I see now that Earth Angel also stumbled there! She may have led you down the wrong path....she can do that to one! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
....and a moose shall lead them. Excellent, Doctor....and you got the ending right. Valiums and percocets aside, you're no dope. Nicely done...  |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I took the 2nd ending of your directions, I thought: f F A A 16.f-Those storms will pass when winds have turned 17.F-Therein, the lessons to be learned 18.A-What's meant to be, with You and I... 19.A-What's meant to be, with You and I? hmmm...was I wrong there? I'm confused now...  ah I just looked the definition up elsewhere and discovered this explanation: F second f A repeat first a F repeat first f A repeat second a that would have been easier to understand sorry....when I saw A A I thought it meant to repeat the same line... I shall try another later as this one already wore me out and when I tried to change it, it didn't make as much sense. M |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
moose outstanding!! ~of course...'deer is the boss~ |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
 i see i didn't read all the way down 'deer already gave approval in that case...OUTSTANDING!! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I am working on it .. but am just too tired to get it work right now. I'll try later. |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
ali that's cause you stay up too late!! i know ~i'm tired too...and tryin' to create a comedic smoke~screen so no one notices my lack of participation~ |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Thanks. I've got to say the forms that stress the repetitive lines are my least favorite. Although I've read many that are excellent pieces of work (imho) they all become rather tedious. Kinda reminds me of having to write over and over again on the blackboard ( I will not... etc.) Doc Brneyedgrly, Lol, nope, just trying to get it right. These things take a lot of effort for me, and I'm never really happy with the results. Doc Alison, Lol, looks like I dodged the cleaning detail on this one. Better get a move on, I hear last one in gets that job. Doc |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Linda, looks like you are catching on real good. Maureen, as always, yours is great. Dr. Moose, I didn't think you had trouble with any of these forms. Alison, we better get busy. We are falling behind. Especially ME! Looks like Brneyedgrly is about to join us on putting off on the assignments. I am sure you two will get it, before I do. LOL! |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well darn, I just can't seem to get started. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Oklahoma Rose, Lol, actually they all require a considerable amount of concentration, making it look easy is another story. I'm not sure how long you've been involved with poetry but, I've been at this roughly fifteen years and still enjoy the challenge. There's always something new to learn. We're fortunate to have found this site and the wonderful people here. Keep at it as your time allows, the rewards are well worth the effort. Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Girly with the brown eyes .. it was all of like 9:42 pm when I wrote that last message. I live in a different world of time. A |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
girly with the big heart...it must be neat to be in your own world of time... I kinda live in my own world of time, too  now I'm gonna quit talkin' in this forum before I get scolded by the teacher!! shel |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Hi Doc! You are about seven years ahead of me with poetry. At the time I started writing poetry, I wasn't working. So, I had a lot of time to write. But, as you know, my so called poetry was awful, then. There was some yahoo poetry clubs back then, which closed shortly after I joined. Those yahoo poetry clubs had challenges. So I attempted to write poetry. Someone, who evidently belonged to one of the clubs invited me here. And, that is when I joined Pip. He must have seen something good out of what I wrote. LOL! Anyway, that is when I staarted writing poetry. Everyone in the workshop seems to be able to come up with a topic alot easier, than I can. I work as a home health aide and a CNA. Right now, the work I do real wears me out. So, I am very tired by the time I get home. Too tired to even think. LOL! But, it seems to me, that I should still be able to think of a topic to write about. Anyway! Thank you for reply to my reply. [This message has been edited by Oklahoma Rose (07-26-2009 12:13 AM).] |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Those incandescent smoky skies So red they make the moon these nights As filleted scars bleed when ashes fly The winds appease raging fires bright And bullies trees to bend at will So red they make the moon these nights The flames lie down, the frenzy stills Until their laughter brings on day And bullies trees to bend at will Again the sparks fly high in play They dance among the branches dry Until their laughter brings on day Not caring that the trees will cry While taunting, teasing as fire burns They dance among the branches dry Those incandescent smoky skies The haze will cover brilliant blue As filleted scars bleed when ashes fly And red flows like blood on the moon - Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nice to see you back, Alison! Too bad you didn't bring your meter with you. Only kidding...it's not that bad. Just three basic sentences that need work.... as FIL-leted SCARS BLEED when ASH-es FLY.....the meter is off, plus there is an extra syllable The WINDS ap-PEASE RAG-ing FIRES BRIGHT And RED FLOWS like BLOOD ON the MOON. "bullies" should be "bully, referring to winds............aside from those little points, you done good!!!!!!! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Ack! I am on it. It's not me - it was the Mike's Hard Lemonade! Honest! Moose put it in my lunch box thermos and told me it was lemonade. Honest! Alaskans know you can't trust a moose - but hey, he's a doc too! Confusing combination. It really is .... wanders out to fix the meter that marches out of tune |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I probably shouldn't attempt this so late at night .. but I had to. -- That incandescent smoky sky So red it makes the moon these nights As if it bleeds when ashes fly The wind is teasing flame’s high heights And bullies trees to bend at will So red it makes the moon these nights The fires lay down; the frenzy stills Then cravings surge to burn the day And bullies trees to bend at will Again the sparks fly high in play To dance among the branches dry Then cravings surge to burn the day Not caring that some trees will die A need is sated as it burns To dance among the branches dry That incandescent smoky sky The haze will cover brilliant blue As if it bleeds when ashes fly And crimson red now hides the moon - Alison |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Alison, it looks good to me. But ummmmm, I better leave this to the por. I think you're great.  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Alison, that was stunning! ~ and tragic! ~ and beautifully penned. Gosh, yer good, Lasky Girl! These calamatous wildfires render complete and utter devastation on so many levels. ~ The loss of fauna, flora, ~ even people! Then there are the other costs ~ financial, ecological, loss of homes, loss of jobs ~ The damages are exponential. Love you! Linder Lou  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you, darlings Sue and Linda - Hopefully, it gets the "deer seal of approval. It ain't wine until it's time or something like that. Wildfires in Alaska are different than so many places. We have one burned almost 2.5 million acres to date this year. Right now there is a battle to protect a village, but for the most part the burning is in uninhabited areas. I think most animals can move on before the fires reach them. It's always sad to me, but new growth is good for the moose, grouse, etc. It's natural here for the most part. Lots of lightning fires on land that is limited access - so not many homes. Maybe some cabins that are protected if they are legal. Also, wildland fire fighting is a huge economic boon and provides lots of summer jobs which tide people over for the winter. It's a bad and good thing these fires. Oh the smoke wrecks havoc on asthmatics like me. xoxoxo Alison |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Oh my, Alison! That's awful. I am an asthmatic, too. So, I understand how that smoke affects you. Try to stay in as much as you possibly can. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Points up a few posts to my last edit on the poem!  |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Alison even in the workshop, your poems (right or wrong meter)are beautiful. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Alison, let the happy dance begin. This is one of the best things I have read...anywhere. Every accent in place and it flows like honey. It's a beautiful piece of work. If I were to have any criticism at all (like I always do), I would suggest changing the "high heights". That comes out a little on the clumsy side. I would go with tall heights or something similar. It's a piece to be proud of, husky lady |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
That incandescent smoky sky So red it makes the moon these nights As if it bleeds when ashes fly The winds will tease the flames to heights And bully trees to bend at will So red it makes the moon these nights The fires lay down; the frenzy stills Then cravings surge to burn the day And bully trees to bend at will Again the sparks fly high in play To dance among the branches dry Then cravings surge to burn the day Not caring that some trees will die A need is sated as it burns To dance among the branches dry That incandescent smoky sky The haze will cover brilliant blue As if it bleeds when ashes fly And crimson red now hides the moon - Alison -- Balladeer - I can't tell you how much I have learned from you - I can only try to show you. I remember not understanding what I did was wrong  - I just knew I needed help. I still need your help, but I am beginning to see what is wrong. Thank you - Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You're welcome, Alison. I didn't create the pearl. I just opened the shell polished it a little. The pearl is all you |
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