| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
|
|
||||||
| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
|
|
|
||||||
| Poetry Workshop |
|
A Little Rispetto, if you please |
|
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
|
Ok, one more time to get your meter running.... A Rispetto, an Italian form of poetry, is a complete poem of two rhyme quatrains with strict meter. The meter is usually iambic tetrameter with a rhyme scheme of abab ccdd. A Heroic Rispetto is written in Iambic pentameter, usually featuring the same rhyme scheme. Anita's Realm Anita, lovely poetess, sees nature's beauty all around, feels wind of summer's soft caress, and hears the magic in its sound. She sits to write in quiet hours when from her realm of thought sweet flowers spring forth! She plucks and sets them free as lyric words of poetry. Copyright © 2006 Andrea Dietrich |
||
| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Heeeeeeeer's Balladeer! Straight forward and most righteous dude no tricks and nothing up my sleeve, in truth one can't help but conclude it's Dr.Moose I do believe ! Applying for a new job here as side kick to Sir Balladeer. Like Ed Mcmahon to Johnny C. but, better yet I'll work for *free Heeeeere's Balladeer! It's got a ring he'd make the perfect late nite host and I could do the straight man thing we'd make it huge from coast to coast! The sky's the limit, yessiree the masses crave such poetry. The perfect money making scheme! (too bad it's an unlikely dream) Yet here at Pip we're good to go at least we are from where I stand I'm just not sure about "Deer" though or what agenda he has planned, perhaps based in reality which more than likely excludes me. I'd visit there more often but they tend to think I'm just a nut! They say that all good things must end I s'pose that goes for this thing too regardless what you think m'friend I bet this didn't occur to you. A sidekick who's a moose that's nuts kicks serious poetic butt! *subject to renegotiation |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
always a joy to read, Dr.Moose~~ M |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Michael, the example's second verse isn't holding to a strict meter...unless I am pronouncing the words incorrectly~~ I'm going to try one myself  M |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
nakd, Thanks, I was afraid it might be just a little over the top, lol. Doc |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
The Balladeer and Dr. Moose The stars of our late nite tv? You must be swirlin' happy juice Or flying high, it seems to me. Although it would be quite a blast I fear our glory days are passed. It would have been, to tell the truth, A piece of cake when we had youth. A Sancho Panza you would make To match my Don Quixote stride. No windmill would be hard to take With such a partner at my side. Or Tonto? You're a natural To ride with your Lone Ranger pal And we could give Mayberry life To have you as my Barney Fife. Groucho? Harpo? That's our venue Though we would be one stooge short. I'll get Toe to fill the menu. He'll be happy to report. Batman and Robin would be two That it would be a snap to do Fighting murder, crime and rape (How do you look in a cape?) Bullwinkle to my Rocky squirrel Starsky to your good pal Hutch I would always get the girl While you could drive the car and such. But, I must say, on second thought, These roles of "seconds" fit you not. The starring roles would suit you, too And I could be the lead for you. Let's both be, then, like Brett and Bart, And ride the prairies side by side, Two mavericks with common heart Who uses laughter as their guide. Yes,Dr. Moose and Balladeer Are two of Passion's cavaliers Where "one for all and all for one" Means, "Hey, you guys. Let's have some fun!" |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Maureen, I see no problem with that second verse in the example, as long as one treats "flowers" as a one-syllable word, which is acceptable. If you see anything else, let me know. |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Sierra Smiles (A Rispetto) Sierra sweet, unblemished heart takes hold of thoughts from Grandpa Dave remembering, of his depart as we go through his things to save. The photos of, from walls we took with tearing eyes in after-look. A day we spent in memories. Sierra smiles, this time to seize. A baby in the lap of old now fourteen years, she's not denied the knowing of a love, she's told from pictured words that books provide. Bagged and tied, we rid of stuff. Too much he saved, we laughed enough when clearing out each pocket's find: a mint, a clip, toothpick, combined. The same we found in hand bags, still, belonging to my sister, gone. Five years of kept, this day until we placed the rid of, on the lawn. Sierra smiles this day with me enjoying what we once could see and feel from Dave and Marcia, each: love left behind, within our reach. M ~~well I spent yesterday with a great niece and nephew emptying out some of the rooms of my sister and brother-in-law's home since they are both "gone" now~~ and Michael, we did have some fun moments so it's not all sad  M |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Michael I guess I was counting hours and flowers as 2 syllables each... M |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Wow, Maureen...that is great! It's such a somber and melancholy topic and you made me feel every bit of it...beautiful work! ahem, having said that, (and being the ogre I am) I have to question one line.. The photos of, from walls we took Photos of? Of what? I don't see where you followed up on that or why it was even necessary, when "photographs, from walls we took" would have done very nicely. Perhaps I'm overlooking something? |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I was thinking the photos of all the things in our memories,..you have to understand I have lived in this Pennsylvania Dutch area for almost 35 years now..I seem to switch words around like they do sometimes. and I had photographs first, then changed it.. I think those who know me and even sometimes read me will understand what I meant. It's a "quirk" I have. M |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Quirk noted...we all have them |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
So, Pip it is oh wordy one where we will raise both roof and bar and do it in the name of fun it's not like we'd like being stars or sidekicks for that matter too I told the networks that we're through six figure contracts ain't all that we're stayin' at Pip, that's where it's at |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well now, this looks easy enough. Surely I can get the iambic tetrameter. You think? I get so frustrated.  |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Well, 'tis a bit intimitating having read the rispettos before my offering! I was totally entertained by those by the two Horned Ones and moved by the sombre beauty of the Naked One. The Crone As scudding clouds crossed waning moon Long shadows drank up lambent light With piercing scream, I reeled in swoon. ~ And wrapped wool cloak around me tight. My eyes were wide in primal fear, As darkness crept o’er crypt and bier. Before me loomed a bent, old crone. ~ Which chilled me through from skin to bone. Dead leaves were rustling, swirling ‘round. Tree branches creaked in blust’ry gale. Night creatures stalked the barren ground, In search of victims weak and frail. I could not move nor could I speak. My throat was dry. ~ My knees were weak. As clouds dispersed and Luna cleared, ~ The horrid crone just disappeared! LLD |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok, Sir Balladeer! Here is a little something for this assignment. It may not be the best, but it's a start. I'll try to write a better one teacher, Sir. Iambic Meter I read and write and try so hard To get this iambic meter wrote I can not seem to get too far Although I take a lot of notes I say the words out loud to hear And keep my dictionary near Just hoping I will get it right Then maybe I can sleep at night OklahomaRose |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Angel, your mind must be a wonderful place to visit!  In other words...I LIKE it! Great form and a 9 on the weird scale....something only from the pen (or keyboard) of our own Earth Angel! |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rose, you are getting closer. Change "even" to "although" in the last line of the first stanza and it's perfect iambic. The second stanza is perfect as it it...no problems. Your second line....well, we have problems there. First of all, it's not iambic and has too many syllables. Second, except on reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies, nothing gets "wrote", it gets written. Work on the second line, change even to although, and you have a good finished product. You're almost there! |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer, my mind may be a "wonderful place to visit" ~ but I sure wouldn't want to live there!  It's even too much for me at times! lolThanks for the AOK, Teach!  LL |
||
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Ok...so after my complete failure at the last one, let's soldier on...here's my go at this one: Perhaps my friend Oliver Twist Needs help to let his voice project If he wants them to hear his list Whenever he asks with respect Sir Balladeer will you help me My meter is missing the beat My rhyming needs nothing else more But meter seems to be a chore Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Sir Balladeer, I started to put "Although", but thought it would be wrong. I'll see if I can write another one. A better one! P.S. As for the word "Wrote", I figured that. But, I couldn't think of anything else at the time. And, since I took another look at "Iambic", after you pointing it out to me, I see where it doesn't fit the syllable count. That sentance is going to be a hard one to fix. But, I'll try. [This message has been edited by Oklahoma Rose (07-18-2009 04:14 PM).] |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok Balladeer, how about this? Iambic Meter I read and write and try so hard And, try to make those words just float I can not seem to get too far Although I take a lot of notes I say the words out loud to hear And keep my dictionary near Just hoping I will get it right Then maybe I can sleep at night Oklahoma Rose |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Oklahoma's finest Rose! I'll jump the gun like you did when you praised a poem of mine before it was critiqued by the Master, but I think you did a fine job with this Rosetta! Ooops, that's a Stone! I guess your name somehow slipped in and slipped me up! lol I meant to say Rispetto! Your tenacity and perseverance paid off! LL |
||
|
brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
first of all, everyone's poems are wonderful! mr balladeer... seems i am always at the back of the class but i did not intentionally do this assignment. i wanted you to know that what you said about listening to how the poem presents itself is true. i recognized the rhythm of my first line and then gently tried to apply it to what i wanted to say and i am pleased with the outcome... just need approval of the meter... thanks, shellie ________________________________ i looked to see if you were there and if your heart belonged to mine i left to see if you would care or pull me back to love align you called for me, but not to stay then plucked my heart and stole away these words don't flow but seem to seep like lonely tears my eyes now weep don't wait for the storms to end~ |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well Shellie, I am certainly not the Master of meter here. But, it sure looks good to me. But, I am known to be wrong. I think the Master of meter will like this, though. |
||
|
brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~thanks my sweet rose  where is that master of meter anyway? this is a 24/7 workshop here...no sundays off! |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sunday is golf day, lady, and don't ever forget it!!! btw, the meter in your pice is perfect...not one syllable out of place.  |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Hey Shellie, I told you it was good, didn't I? You go girl! We will never forget his golf day, again. Will we? |
||
|
brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
no, susie...no we won't... not unless we want 'F's on our assignments you're excused teacher...sundays only!!  |
||
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Summer Suffocation The air is still; it’s muggy hot The clouds look bruised as they hang low Then thunder volleys breaking shots As windows frame a lightning show The sky now casts an eerie glow While clouds are thick and there's no rain There’s only stifling heat that grows And batters at the window panes - Alison |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Places this on the top of the paperwork pile so our teacher will see that I did it - and, hopefully, it passes. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You did it and you did it well, my absent Alaskan! Beautiful.... |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
~fidgets with jewlery, wondering if maybe her submission was overlooked~ Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you, oh magnificent teacher. Rachael, I think sometimes the pile of papers gets too high for even our esteemed Balladeer to keep track of. You might want to repost it on the thread here for his convenience. Email me if you ever want to just talk about struggles in meter and such. God knows, I cried a river on this board. My IM is snowy_nightowl@hotmail.com if you want on it. Take care and keep working on the poetry. A |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Thanks, Z. I'll add you on Windows messenger. Please, Sir. Can I Have Some More? Perhaps my friend Oliver Twist Needs help to let his voice project If he wants them to hear his list Whenever he asks with respect Sir Balladeer will you help me My meter is missing the beat My rhyming needs nothing else more But meter seems to be a chore Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hey, Arana! I'm sorry! Yes, I missed it completely....I'll try not to let it happen again! I'm off to work but I'll be back later. There are three places in your poem where the meter is off.....find them |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
I think I found them... "Perhaps my friend Oliver Twist" "Whenever he asks with respect" "My meter is missing the beat" Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Two out of three ain't bad, Rachel! "Whenever he asks with respect" is fine...."My rhyming needs nothing else more" is not. |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
WhenEVer he Is that where that one fell apart? Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You misunderstood, Rachel. That line is acceptable. My rhyming needs nothing else more" is not. |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
ohh! oops!  My rhymINGArana Darkwolf |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Balladeer my friend, I changed he word and that one line. Did I get it right this time, or not? |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Absolutely, Rose....it flows like honey and is just as sweet |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Awwww, thank you, Balladeer. I will try to get the next one right on the first try. |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I enjoyed writing my first Rispetto so much that I decided to write another one. I hope I did the 'da DUM's correctly. The Clown It’s sad to see a laughing clown, ~ Who's smiling with unhappy eyes. There is a face that wears a frown, ~ Behind the paint and clown disguise. He wears his heart upon his sleeve. And lives in world of make-believe. His smiling face belies his woe. ~ But life goes on and so must show. LLD [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-12-2009 02:03 PM).] |
||
|
crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
So many responses I hope mine doesn't get overlooked in the massive stack of papers! Seems not I am the only one, who struggles much throughout the day, my war with meter's never done, so learn I must before I play. I try again, but it's not fun. My learning quest is never done. Oh, why can't I just get it right? Then I could rest and say "good night."  Rileigh |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Linda, That's so beautiful and you are so talented. xooxxo A Rileigh, I love how you spell your name. Don't get too discouraged or give up. I am living testament to the fact that this can be learned. I was just like you, fighting to learn, frustrated to no end, and just trying to improve. You can win this meter battle. Yep, you can and will. Hugs to you Alison |
||
|
crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
thanks, Yep, I'll just have to keep trying. I just have to see if Balladeer can help me fix it. Rileigh |
||
|
crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
 It appears I made a mistake with the rhyme scheme. Here's my revision:Seems I am not the only one, who struggles much throughout the day, my war with meter's never done, so learn I must before I play. I try again, but it is tough. My learning quest is always rough. Oh, why can't I just get it right? Then I could rest and say "good night." *sigh* Rileigh |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nothing wrong with that one, sir! The meter and flow are perfect. I would change the first line to "Seems I am not the only one" but,otherwise, it's fine...everything right on the money! |
||
|
crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I think I'm getting it faster than I thought I would... But no no no!!! sir? sir? I am a girl.................................................. Rileigh is a girls name too, at least I think so. People call me sir a lot though, for a different reason: (explained here) /pip/Forum110/HTML/001355.html Rileigh |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Rileigh ~ Thank you for pointing that out to me. I think I have remedied the situation!  btw, I loved yours too!  Linda |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Aha! That'll teach me not to jump to conclusions. I must have been thinking of Sir Walter Rileigh! Won't happen again, miss |
||
|
crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Thanks to both Rileigh |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Well, I'm back with my third Rispetto. First there was "The Crone", then "The Clown", and now Broken Wings When skies are gray and I am blue, I long for peace and inner calm. When shadows cast a dark imbue, A nature walk soothes me like balm. When dreams are dashed and luck runs low, I won’t give up ~ for this I know, That better times lie ‘round the bend, And broken wings will surely mend. LLD |
||
|
crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
If my opinion counts, I loved it! Brought hope to me in my desperate times... Rileigh |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Thank you Rileigh. I now await the opinion of the Meter Meister.  |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
