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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Try a Trilonnet! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Trilonnet Trilonnet, created by Shelley A. Cephas, is a 14-line poem made up of four three-line verses of 8 syllables (iambic tetrameter) and one rhyming couplet or four three-lined verses of 10 syllables (iambic pentameter) and one rhyming couplet. Each 3 line verse is an unrhymed triplet. Each triplet has a rhyme scheme of abc. It is related to a sonnet in that it made up of 14 lines. There are 2 rhyme schemes for this form: abc abc abc abc dd or abc cba abc cba dd This form is written in either iambic tetrameter or iambic pentameter. Example #1: Summer Daze A summer chill not often felt when sunshine is so strong and bright in season of delight and fun. Oppressive heat, it has been dealt as tempers flare, burn and ignite; dog days of summer are not done. Each year to wonder how we’ve dwelt with heat while waiting for the night to end the sweltering hot sun. So hopefully we will not melt before fall comes and ends our plight, a respite from the heat is won. The summer months have slowly passed, humidity is gone at last. Copyright © 2007 Shelley A. Cephas Example #2: Fairy Light New fairies flit in skies above to shower joy on those below that live in their enchanted lair. They show their grace and kindly care, protect wee people from each foe, their fairy dust will get rid of. This is one way they show their love, these tiny fairies all aglow with joy and happiness to share. So fairies are beyond compare, their peace they lovingly will show in gentleness like a pure dove. Forever they will live their lives to make sure their lair always thrives. Copyright © 2007 Shelley A. Cephas Sounds easy enough to me. I'm getting soft in my old age, passing out such easy assignments. Show me....... |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
I think I just had an epiphany for how to fix my problem with meter. If I'm counting syllables, and counting lines (i.e. three line stanzas with eight syllables each being iambic pentameter) then I have my meter...right? Arana Darkwolf |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Congrats on your epiphany, Rachel!! You got it...now do it!  |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Now, this has me worried. You never seem to give up on me. It is your faith in me, that keeps me trying. But, I do get very frustrated. Oh my, do I get frustrated. As you know, meter is something I have been trying to get down pat for a very long time. Sometimes, I tell myself, "what's the use" I'm never going to get it. But, Balladeer, my friend, you know me! I'M NOT A QUITTER! Even though, I feel very stupid at times. Nothing would make me happier, than to be able to get the meter down perfectly, and never forget it. Thank you, Balladeer, my friend for all you encouragement. And, for not giving up on me. You know how much I admire you.  P.S. There must be a way for someone like me (slow to get it) to learn the meter.  |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
My Triumph Over Meter I had a big epiphany And I think I can conquer it That mysterious meter thing My mind is a cacophony For inside the light bulb has lit And to the forefront I can bring Teeming with words of symphony The work through which my teeth have grit So I can have words and rhymes sing Maybe works like “Mony Mony” Will come out when my words are writ And my hands will no longer wring Now here before me is something that I ought In younger days to have already caught Arana Darkwolf |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
I think my stresses are on odd words and syllables, but it's still a triumph for me because I found the secret to meter. |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Do You Know How To Spell My Name? Do you know how to spell my name? There is an r there is an a There is a c and there’s an h Will you play my little name game? There is just one more little a Then there is an e yet to etch Are you thinking it’s a bit lame? There is not another small a Just a little l now to fetch Now you know how to spell my name. There’s r a c h and an a Then an e and an l to wretch Rachael is my name so for sure you know Together now we’ll continue to grow Arana Darkwolf |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
What is the secret to meter, rachaelfuchsberger? Or, are you going to keep that to yourself? LOL! |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
LOL...the secret is to count syllables and lines. Arana Darkwolf |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Rachaelfuchsberger, the counting of syllables and lines are fine. But to have a good meter, you have to know where the stresses are. Like for Iambic Pentemeter, Iambic Tetrameter and so forth. Try as I might, I just don't get that. Do you? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rose, you are so right! Rachel, you need to put the accents in the right places. Iambic is an unaccented syllable followed by an accented one. i HAD a BIG ePIPHaNY....is perfect iambic. THAT mysTERiOUS METer THING....is not. Your second poem has very little iambic in it. Work on the accents....da DUM da DUM da DUM. It takes work but I'm sure you can do it  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Congratulations Balladeer! You worried that no one would come and that your efforts were for naught. You stayed the course now it appears your words are like a trail of crumbs attracting those who would be taught. You had your doubts but now it's clear or, as they say where I come from no finer tutor could be sought from any other hemisphere. And, better yet there is no sum applicable, or so I thought, but naming ones' first born as you? 'fraid "Ballamoose" will never do! [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (07-03-2009 07:49 AM).] |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Doc Moose, You keep me laughing even while I admire your abilities to write. You make it look easy - kinda like Balladeer does. And you both make it look fun! It is fun. Thank you for this one to get my day going with a chuckle. A |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Why, thank you Alison, that alone makes it well worth the effort. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
LOL, Doc! No, I'm afraid Ballamoose just wouldn't do, unless one were from Belarus As usual, your assignment is witty, well-crafted and mooseified. If you hadn't stumbled here.... a finer tutor couldn't be bought it would have been perfect..but then you would have no reason to keep coming to class |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
There's that darn meter, again. There's nothing more I would like, than to learn the meters well. But, it seems I have made myself look stupid enough already. Shall I continue making myself look like the class clown? There must be a way for someone like me to get this meter thing. I am soooooooooooo frustrated with myself. [This message has been edited by Oklahoma Rose (07-02-2009 09:24 PM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rose, you NEVER make yourself look stupid! What you make yourself look like is a good person willing to keep trying, putting your attempts out there for all to see even if you know it is difficult for you. That is something a lot of people just won't do but you are dedicated to keep trying to better yourself and that is something NO ONE will ever call stupid. Just hang in there, miss, and I'll be right with you all the way. |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Thank you, Balladeer, my friend. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, M'friend I'm afraid once again you have me at a loss. I read that line as being... "a FINer TUtor COULDN'T be BOUGHT". As such I don't see where it stumbles. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, Doc, you have two choices and both of them are wrong. You can (and do say) that it's read this way.. "a FINer TUtor COULDN'T be BOUGHT". in doint so I'm afraid you would have a hard sell claiming that "couldn't" has two accented syllables, instead of COULDn't. Even if you could sell me on that, then you would have two accented syllables together, which is not iambic. If it is actually COULDn't then you would have two unaccented syllables together"..n't be", which is also not iambic. I hope you're not advocating that "couldn't" is a one-syllable word. If you are, you are causing me to think of a body part not allowed to be spoken of here |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, The second wrong choice I'm afraid was my downfall. I was indeed pronouncing the contraction as one syllable as in my somewhat illogically logical mind I failed to see the purpose of a contraction for a two syllable phrase "could not" which still contained two syllables "could.n't". Ah, English, what a language. Lol. Thanks for the correction. I've substituted " could be sought ". Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (07-03-2009 07:49 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
...which makes it perfect. Your gold star is in the mail, sir  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yay for the Moose!  A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Darn you're (one syllable) good, Mr. Balladeer Guy! A . . . Okay, okay I'll work on my lesson today! |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi Balladeer! I'm so glad that you are continuing the classes. Since you have presented an assignment that you have labelled easy, I thought that I would give it a shot if it is not too late... Here goes... Since I have been away so long, I thought that I would try to write A trilonnet for Balladeer. It's been a while so hold the gong, As I attempt to reunite In Michael's class, I persevere. The more I try, I get it wrong, So tell me how to get it right. Sprung meter is my biggest fear. I need to learn to finish strong, So I will try with all my might To make the pesky meter clear. So 'Deer, this poem, I submit please do advise if I should quit. Shenachie |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yes, Bridget, you should quit....quit thinking that you have a problem with meter! Your assignment is perfect..every accent in the right place with no deviation at all. Nicely done....and good to see you! |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Thanks, Balladeer. The truth is that I was concentrating so much on meter that my message was totally inane. Very kind of you to respond and I will be overjoyed when I finally bring message and meter together. You are much appreciated, kind sir. Stay well! Bridget Shenachie |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
I am absolutely determined to get this meter thing down....maybe the third time's the charm. P.S. Rose, I think I've made a big fool of myself here. Maybe we can share the title of class clown? Arana Darkwolf |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Ok, Sir Balladeer. I have made a third attempt at a trilonnet, but it's a bit racy so I put it in "Love For Two" in the Mature section. Arana Darkwolf |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rachel, I have copied your poem here because I do not consider it too mature or offensive for the workshop and it will more useful as a learning tool here. Into your hands my soul awakes Your touch it takes my innocence I melt into your love so rough My body quivers and it shakes Each corded muscle becomes tense Under your hands so gently gruff Now all reason my mind forsakes As I prepare for love intense ‘Till I can only say “enough” And all the will I possess breaks I beg “don’t keep me in suspense” I need your hands so gently rough And I can only beg and ask you “please” “Fulfill the hunger only you can ease” Well, Rachel, we are getting closer! Let's go line by line, shall we? inTO your HANDS my SOUL aWAKES.........perfect iambic...good line! your TOUCH it TAKES my INnoCENCE.........perfect iambic but you had to stick that "it" in there to get it. That's called fudging i MELT inTO your LOVE so ROUGH..............perfect iambic again! my BOdy QUIVers AND it SHAKES..............perfect iambic. You're on a roll! each CORded MUScle beCOMES TENSE.....oops! You have two unaccented syllables together followed by two accented ones! UNder your HANDS so GENtly GRUFF..........oops! You began with an accented syllable which put the next two unaccented ones together. NOW all REAson my MIND forSAKES...........oops! Another trochaic beginning and two unaccented syllable together. as I prePARE for LOVE inTENSE..................perfect iambic just in time! till I can ONly SAY e NOUGH........................and perfect once more. and ALL the WILL i posESS BREAKS...........oops! Back to two unaccented and two accented ones together. i BEG don't KEEP me IN susPENSE............OK, good. Back to iambic.. i NEED your HANDS so GENtly ROUGH........atta girl. Excellent! and I can ONly BEG and ASK you PLEASE....yep...perfect fulFILL the HUNger ONly YOU can EASE.......you nailed it here. Very nice! Let me redo it in perfect iambic and perhaps you will be able to see the difference... Into your hands my soul awakes Your touch removes my innocence. I melt into your love so rough. My body quivers and it shakes Each corded muscle growing tense Beneath your hands so gently gruff. All reason now my mind forsakes As I prepare for love intense Till I can only say enough. The will that I possess now breaks. I beg, "Don't keep me in suspense!" "I need your hands so gently rough". And I can only beg and ask you please Fulfill the hunger only you can ease. Look or the changes I made and figure out why I made them. Many times it's simply rearranging words that makes the difference. Best to you!!!! |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Thank you, dear Sir! It's making more sense to me slowly. Count syllables, count stresses and when all else fails....fudge it! LOL It's the stresses I seem to be struggling with the most. But it gives me something to work with. Arana Darkwolf |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Rachaelfuchsberger, looks like you are doing alot better than I am. Better, leave the class clown title for me. You did a great job. You go girl! |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Thanks, Rose. I still didn't get it completely on my own. I shall conquer meter yet! Muahahahahahahahaha.  Oops....my evil is showing!  Arana Darkwolf |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Touch Magic Spruce branches block intrusive light while shadows sway in empty space creating magic in the air. Butterflies dance into the night as silk worms tat their strands of lace and sing songs of a princess fair. Lavender kisses polished bright gracefully land on fairy’s face offering love - so much to share. Such wonders aren’t that hard to find; they grow and live within our minds. Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nice, Alison! The meter breaks down in a couple of places but it still reads very nicely. You have a bit of a magic touch yourself! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Okay, gonna go back and try to correct it. Thank you lots. A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
This is how I read it, Balladeer. I did make a few changes in the text. -- Touch Magic Spruce branches block intrusive light while shadows blanket empty space creating magic in the air. Hibiscus dance into the night as silk worms tat long spider lace and chant songs of a princess fair. Lavender kisses painted bright gracefully teasing fairy’s face offering hope - so much to share. Such wonders are not hard to find; they grow to live within our minds. Alison |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well, look at you Alison! You go girl! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
good that you got rid of the butterflies Now, convince me that these words are pronounced.. la-VEN-der grace-FUL-ly of-FER-ing and I'll concede. Good luck! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
It's my world? laughs .. .okay, I am on it. Thanks, darling Rose. A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Touch Magic Spruce branches block intrusive light while shadows blanket empty space creating magic in the air. Hibiscus dance into the night as silk worms tat long spider lace and chant songs of a princess fair. Sporadic kisses painted bright enchanting touch on fairy’s face delivers hope - so much to share. These wonders are not hard to find; they grow to live within our minds. Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
NOW you got your sealskin sneakers on straight! Perfection, Alison  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you, dear Teacher. xoxoxo A |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Hey Balladeer, don't give up on me, yet. I am still working on the Trilonnet. I know I am just too darn slow. But, I am working on it. Okay? |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
One more thing! I am so far behind, I don't know if I will ever catch up. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
DOn't worry, Rose. You''l catch up...I have faith in you! |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
The Noise of Life Each night before the dance of moon, she rights her thoughts to only one, awaiting voiced what need be heard. Though dark that blinds may come too soon, her dreams appear before its done till sleep arrives, again transferred Into a stage of hold, his tune protects her from each day's begun, when noise of life becomes the blurred That endless flow, each year in June when age continues on its run, emotions wishing, wants deterred... To fill the heart with silence of: Embrace the new, and feel one's love. M |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ah, Maureen, such a special touch you put into your words. No way I can ever stump you....unless I require a happy poem! Beautiful work, once again |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
hmmmm and I thought that was a happy one  M |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hello, all! I've been enjoying reading the poems that have been produced from these workshops so I thought I'd drop by and give a Trilonnet a try. I opted to do the first rhyme scheme. As Sun Does Set I lay me down, my head to sleep, as sun does set when day is done. The angels stand on guard o’er me. I rest in peace in angel keep, ~ From set of moon to rise of sun. And sail across a cosmic sea. White lambs, across my bed do leap. I want to join them in their fun. ~ But I must rest and let them be. I lie quite still. ~ Make not a peep, for fear the lambs, away, will run. In dreams I’ll fly up high and free. Bright stars do blanket ebon skies, As Sandman sprinkles dust in eyes. |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well, Earthy Angel, I know Balladeer will love this one. I haven't even gotten this one, yet. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Linda and Maureen, your poems are beautiful. And, M? Your reply cracked me up. Love you both, A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Oklahoma Rose would be wrong on this one, I'm afraid. We are a little tougher here than in Open, all in the name of trying to better our work. I like the theme and what you portray in the poem, EA, but the way you do it is what I call fudging. Poetry should be natural and flow the way our normal conversations flow. One of the no-no's in rhymed poetry is inserting unnecessary words for the sake of maintaining meter. as sun does set when day is done White lambs, across my bed, do leap Bright stars do blanket ebon skies Too much do-do here.....fudging to maintain the syllable count. for fear the lambs, away, will run. Spoken like someone who has English as a second language....Fudging....rearranging words in an unnatural way to maintain the rhyme. Don't fall in love with a line so much you are willing to butcher it to keep it. We all have lines we like that just won't make it and we have to use our noodles to find another way or discard it. Don't get lazy on me!!!!!! |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~brneyedgrly scratches her head in intimidation from this challenge and the talent here~ any simple ideas for a beginner to get things started? pretty please? ~shellie  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sure, SHellie... It all depends where you feel you need work or information. Writing poetry is like anything else...you must know the basics and the tools of the trade before you can come up with a good finished product. Words are useless unless presented in a nice package. Creating a poem is like preparing a delicious meal. You need to know the ingredients first...then you need to know the cooking instructions...then you come out with a nice dish for all to enjoy. So find out where you need work. Meter? Feet? poetry types? Alliterations? SImiles? We have lessons here on all of those. Go back through the past lessons of the workshop and find lessons pertaining to what you think you need more knowledge of. That's the best advice I can offer. |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~mr balladeer... yes, i have looked at those lessons here (more than once!) and i think i understand those pieces...however, the problem comes when i try to apply meter (the how)to what it is i'm trying to say (the what)...does that only make sense to me? i feel kind of claustrophobic and reigned in...maybe i just need to give up my control... : ) i was wondering if it might help to take something i've already written and try to rewrite with meter? to start with? i don't know if there's hope on this one... shel |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Good morning, Oklahoma's finest rose! Well, it appears that you were somewhat over-optimistic regarding Balladeer's opinion at my feeble attempt at writing a Trilonnet! But that was very sweet of you to say!  Like yourself, I find putting my thoughts into proper metre, challenging to say the very least.  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Maureen, your trillonet was gorgeous and very smooth and silky. Lovely! I can see what Balladeer is talking about re my attempt. It is choppy and forced and full of mud! Well, I best sharpen that pencil of mine! We have a hard task-master! lol |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer ~ Oooo, you're a strict teacher who wants to pull the best out of his students!!! ~ I like that! I seldom use a poetic form because I lose my natural flow of thoughts with all the do's and don'ts ~ as is apparent with this attempt at a trilonnet. I will give it another go sometime this week. Practice make perfect! ~ Or at least makes one better! lol I think this is fabulous what you are doing here in these workshops! Thank you for your critique. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Shel...you're not the only one to feel that way. Rhymed poetry IS demanding and may not allow certain people to express what they want how they want to. For those people, free verse is the answer, although there are those who claim that good free verse employs meter, also. Think of what you want to write about. Then decide which is the best form for you. There are topics that just will not work with the right impact in structured poetry. I, along with many here, have written free verse when we knew instinctively that rhyming would not give it the impact we needed. At other times, one can sense a melody in what they want to write and structured poetry is the answer there, There should be no "I'm a rhymer" or "I'm a free-verser". Each poem should dictate how it should be written. By all means, bring in a poem that you would like to see meter applied to, and we will work on it together! Earth Angel, it is really a pleasure seeing you here and I know you will do just fine. You have the skills, no doubt there. We just need to kick the tires and change the oil...no problem! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I'm baaack! ~ hopefully with an improved rendition. It may not be perfect but I'm determined to work on it until it meets with your approval, Dear Teach! Here goes! Bombs away! When Day Is Done Each night before I fall asleep, I thank the Mother, God, and Son. ~ As angels stand on guard o’er me. I rest in peace in angel keep, ~ From set of moon to rise of sun. And sail across a cosmic sea. Across my bed white woollies leap. I want to join them in their fun. ~ But I must rest and let them be. I lie quite still. ~ Make not a peep. I fear the lambs will up and run. In dreams I’ll fly up high and free. I’m blanketed by starry skies As Sandman sprinkles dust in eyes LLD [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-14-2009 01:30 AM).] |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I just posted my new version before I read your very generous and helpful response above. Thanks Teach! Will do! |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well, Earthy Angel, sorry about that. I'm not beyond admitting, being wrong. Seems I am wrong, more than right. Hmmmm! That needs to be fixed. My friend, the Balladeer is the BEST. So, you must listen to him. He will never steer you wrong. I need to get mine done. Real soon! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Approval met, EA. I knew you were a quick study! This one is awesome |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Oklahoma's Sweetest Rose ~ Nothing to be sorry about! You have a warm loving heart!  |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~here's mine...be nice . today’s the day she’ll say ‘I do’, she slips her arms into her gown, and pats the veil upon her head, it’s something borrowed, something blue, a wedding rite that she was shown to keep her luck, her sister said, it’s something old and something new, each beaded jewel has been sewn, she sees her groom just up ahead, a special day for just those two, to have and hold, to love and own, and all those reasons that one weds, he slips the ring upon her finger, and plants a kiss he knows will linger… . ~thanks, shel |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer ~ Thanks, Teach! 'Angel' curtsies! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Brown-eyed Beauty ~ That was exceptionally lovely!!!! |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
thanks, lovely linda... i am envious of how yours flowed so effortlessly...i worked the whole day on mine! ~~patiently waiting for grade~~  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Your work paid off, miss. I tried to find something wrong and...no cigar! It is ideal and flows like honey....gold star in the mail! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
shel, I love your poem. Glad you are among us. A |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
balladeer... ~whew!~ i was kickin' myself all day for taking this challenge on, but there was no way i was going to quit... i don't know how you all do it but i just made lists of rhyming words and picked a topic and tried to make it work...this was the third topic i tried. i REALLY struggled with this! it almost took the fun out of my writing process, only because it was foreign to me...but i am not sorry that i kept at it because i did learn about meter! i really liked what you said about letting the poem dictate the form...i will now listen more closely to my words and you also made me feel better about being a free~verser i guess we do all have different poetic sieves that let things run out in different ways...from now on, i will probably stick to challenges that allow my free~verse participation... thank you so much for all of your guidance and comments, mr balladeer...i'm sendin' you an apple in the mail!  and a kiss!~shellie don't wait for the storms to end~ |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~alison... thanks so much for making me feel welcome here this is great!you do so well at all this...like a mini~balladeer lol well...at least teacher's pet you go girly!~shel |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
it almost took the fun out of my writing process I understand, believe me. When I was younger, I was quite a pool hustler. My little brother idolized that part of me and asked me to teach him how to gt good at it so I started with the spin, the angles, the english, and the little things necessary to be good at it. After a while, he said "I don't want to bother with all that stuff. I just want to play good!" Thank God you're not like my little brother Write on! |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~hilarious...i too tried to be schooled at pool and when faced with all that english and spin and stuff, i gave up and now i just use some sixth sense, line up the shot and bust loose...lol kind of like my poetry |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer, was I seeing things last night?!? I could have sworn that you posted a lesson for us to write a Tilonnet. So I wrote one! ~ But now I see that it is a Villannet that you were asking us to write. Oh, well, here comes another Trilonnet from yours truly ~ whether you like it or not! lol I wrote it in the second rhyme scheme. abc cba abc cba ddWith Gratitude As sun peeked out from edge of sky, Gold rays of light danced on the lawn ~ Beneath a sky of cloudless blue. I looked towards an ancient yew And there I spied a spotted fawn ~ Upon spring grass on knoll up high. A meadowlark came winging by ~ A welcomed sight with waking dawn, I was at peace with all in view. Each morn, a day begins anew. Upon clean slate, each choice is drawn. ~ And dare to dream with hopes held high. Enjoy each day in God’s embrace ~ With gratitude and loving grace. LLD |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No, you weren't imagining things. It was there....andthen I discovered that we had already covered it and I changed topics. Anywsy, if my mistake led to the creation of this, may I err more often!!! |
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