»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
Time for an Etheree(al) Challenge!
| Poetry Workshop |
|
Time for an Etheree(al) Challenge! |
|
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
|
The poetry form, Etheree, consists of 10 lines of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 syllables. Etheree can also be reversed and written 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. So let me have an Etheree, folks. You can make it normal or reversed - up to you. You can make it free verse or, for those who want the extra challenge, rhyme the 2nd, 4th, 6th, 8th and 10th lines as in the example listed below. For those who want a REAL challenge (moose), make it a double Etheree, going from 1 to 10 syllables and then 10 to one. The rhyme can change, beginning with the 12th line for the second half of the poem. Start your engines!  Anonymous Solitude She’s inclined to want more to ease her mind than do you or I. She disappears to find anonymous solitude. We look for it, but we are blind. Left behind, we become mere figments of her illusions; . . . . we call her unkind. Copyright © 2003 Andrea Dietrich |
||
| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Now, how did you know I was going to be all over this? Doc |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Oh my, Balladeer, Sir. I didn't even get the other one done, yet. I seem to be brain dead. This one llooks easy enough. Maybe I can do this one. |
||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Once his arms held her close. Bodies kept warm; dancing private songs, lost within sexual charms. Captivated by his grace, her heart hammered out love’s alarm. Senses blind to faults he kept at bay, giving herself with no regard to harm. While he shaped her like clay within his hands until her confidence caved away. She once lit up like Chinese lamps, laughter spilling; her face gay. Happy times now long gone, cruelly pushed away. Lonely woman left today … it’s his way. . Alison |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Now you got me playing!  ---- silt softly soothing sands slowly, sliding stirring satin silk silvery sensations seems sexually searing secretive somnolence sharing sensuous seduction, sands slipping spontaneity shatters solitude - Alison |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
I had no doubt, Alison, my friend, that you would do very well on this assignment. You are quite the pro. |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok Sir Balladeer! I know it's not the best,and there is no rhyme. But, I gave it a try. She Reaches To the stars Way up above For the brightest one In hopes of great success Pushing aside such defeat Hoping to gain all her desires Only to reach the greatest of success Just so she will able to make him smile Now for a rhyming one. |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
My muse must be on the go, now. Here is a rhyming one for you, Sir Balladeer. Friends Are there To always Give us such care When we are in need To wipe away our tears When life just seems so unkind They help us get through our despair Through the good times and the bad ones too They are always there to show us they care P.S. I'll see what I can do with the Double one.  |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Good God in Heaven, Alison! Here I thought I was presenting a challenge and you make it look like child's play! The first one is excellent, not only structurally correct but an excellent poem, to boot. Your second one...well, it would appear you stole Moose's thunder. That's something I would have expected from HIM....and that's a compliment! Guess I'm going to have to come up with stronger challenges. Nicely done, star pupil!  |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rose, you are so surprising. You really did an excellent job there. One should always go with one's strength and it appears your strength is in the free verse style. Your first poem is excellent, reads very nicely, and flows off the tongue well. Your rhyming one is also good but you have to avoid the trap of creating awkward lines for the sake of creating a rhyme. You have grown by leaps and bounds through your determination and perserverance and I think you are wonderful, as a poet and as a friend. |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Hey Balladeer, This was fun to play with last night. Sometimes, I just get caught up in the words and how they fit - it's like a puzzle. Thank you for taking the time to put the challenges out and continuing to teach. Hugs and smooches, Alison - Hey Sue, You did great. I love your poems - and, even more, I love you being in here with us. xoxoox Alison |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Wow! I leave here for a minute and Alison is alliterating all over and Rose is blooming poetically! Maybe I oughta skip out more often. Excellent writing ladies. Doc |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Just so Much Hot Air Each Time I Have to find Exact rhymes I Reach for the sky and Pick among passersby Often finding one I choose Easily slides in place first try More often than not this works for me Seems as though I'm a real poetic guy Like words just can't wait to do my bidding It seems almost like a piece of pie Keeping track of it is just cake Each piece a "masterpiece" , why Happens each single time Once I blink my eyes Take hold my pen And let fly Into Rhyme! [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (06-18-2009 03:55 PM).] |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Thank you, Balladeer, my friend for the nice reply. I'm glad you like them. You sure know how to encourage one to keep trying. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Excellent as always, Moose, but a couple of things I have to question. Easily slides into place first try I read that as nine syllables unless you were using "easily" as a two-syllable word which would make it "easly"? Each piece a "masterpiece" , why Happens each single time Not sure I understand the "why" in that line. If you need help, perhaps Alison is available for tutoring  |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Lol, an excellent suggestion regarding the tutoring. You are, of course, right on the syllable count which was do to posting in haste. As for the "why", aside from maintaining the rhyme and syllable count, I used it here as an interjection to show mild surprise. |
||
|
Yoinn Senior Member
since 2007-08-16
Posts 649Michigan |
Hey this sounds like fun. I think I will have a go Shredded Like Empty Crushed beer cans On cracked cement, My passion has died. Gone are the emotions That once sustained my poor life. Tear stained pavement, a testament To the cold apathy of the street and wind blown tendrils of who I once was. Yoin lol....be gentle with me |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I like it, Yoin. Great to see you here among us. Alison |
||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You guys/gals are darn good! |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No problem there, Yoinn. That is excellent...thanks for joining in.  |
||
|
Yoinn Senior Member
since 2007-08-16
Posts 649Michigan |
thanks everyone for helping me add to my poetry muscle. Yoin |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Echoes Of If only "forever", whispered to me, promised withdrawal from death of emotions, those memories reflecting that first passionate kiss stealing the warmth of words that once wrapped this heart into an all embracing dance... called love Then today, tomorrow would awaken those feelings of yesterday in depth, allowing the elements of, to season the now empty in rainbow colored arcs, paged to never fade when soft spoken confessions echo yours. M "Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less." |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Wow....this was a real challenge for me. I had fun, though! Hands So Gently Rough Hands So rough But gentle Their loving touch With ev’ry sweet sigh It is never enough I can’t tell you how or why Your touch that’s so soft and so gruff Sings sweetly to the deep depths of me And I love them being so gently rough Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Maureen, that is really beautiful. I had little doubt you could make easy work of this and you did it in fine fashion. Rachel, you did well! Seems you met the challenge and came up with an excellent use of the form. congrats and welcome! |
||
|
rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Thank you, Sir. I had a lot of fun, and these challenges are really making me think and getting my creative juices flowing. Arana Darkwolf |
||
|
brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~hello, mr. balladeer... i am kind of new here at pip and have been having fun cart~wheeling through this playground : ) i have this free~verse spirit that i sometimes try to tame and so i thought that i would try some of your challenges. i would love your opinion before posting the following. the first is an acrostic (wrong thread, i know, but since i have your attention...lol) i also have an etheree to offer. questions concerning the acrostic: is it okay to leave the first letter of each line uncapitalized? i just don't like how it presents and reads with capitals...also, i like how it looks with each word (wearing a woman's skin) separated by a line space, however, this doesn't necessarily correspond with the breaks when reading it...your opinion? should it all run together? and i would just like approval on the etheree... thanks for your input : ) ~shellie * * * * wearing a woman's skin (acrostic) wardrobe change, each girl layer a memory on the floor, refashioning of inseams and ideas, nude garment of gypsy impulses, allowing myself to wear my worth, opened buttons down my back, metamorphosis, arrival of freedom wings, needing the cling of this silky, sheer siren's gown, knowing i've found myself in the fit of this new skin * * * * love and the ways it is used... (etheree) trust soul~mates holding hands please marry me for better or worse i would never hurt you i will love you forever from now until the end of time i love you unconditionally i wouldn't leave you in a million years you will not compromise with me at all it's your way, all the way, or no way if i don't like it i can leave counseling...no, you wouldn't wow, did you just hit me i want a divorce living alone adjusting heart~break grief hope spirit lessons learned carrying on granting myself grace learning to love myself creating new goals and dreams protecting all of my treasures being someone better than before refusing to lay down and die...ever ~thanks : ) |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Hi, Shellie....welcome to the workshop. Nice to meet you As far as your questions are concerned, no, it is not necessary to capitalize beginning letters of a line. Actually, and especially in free verse, it is more common not to. As far as the line spacing to co-ordinate the seperation of the acrostic in the right places, in free verse you can get away with it, because free verse doesn't have any rules! (that's why some people just LOVE free verse!). In rhymed poetry it would look inappropriate. Btw, both of your exercises are VERY well done and you are a welcome addition to the site. I hope you enjoy your stay! |
||
|
brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~thank you so much, mr balladeer, for your advice and for thinking them well done and it's nice to meet you, too! shellie |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Another attempt at an Etheree! He’s Master Of meter Gentle and kind As he tries to teach He’s ready and willing Never giving up on us Letting us have the time we need He is the master of meter who’s Allowing us to go at our own pace |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Sue, how could Balladeer not like your Etheree? It's got his name written all over it!  ~ Oh, and btw, I totally concur! LL |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ah, Rose, you are unstoppable! You will keep working and trying to do things right...and that's a wonderful trait. Your perserverance and determination should be inspiring to all and I salute you for them. As far as the poem is concerned, you followed the rules to the letter and your ehteree is goodtome. Nicely done! |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hey Sweet Sue! You impressed our teacher! Congrats on your Etheree! Now here is my shot at writing one. Lost & Found Lost, alone, feeling blue. Sobbing on bed over lost love, true. There’d been no clue or sign, Now love’s a bottle of wine. Like a cuckoo, away he flew. Tho’ days are long ~ the nights are longer. ~ Drowning my sorrows in alcohol brew. When doorbell rang, I rose up from my bed. Thoughts of him spun around in my head. Opened the door and there he stood, as I’d been hoping he would. I was under his spell, Into arms I fell. I felt sheer bliss, with his kiss. ~ Lost love, Found. LLD |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yay, Sue!  Kisses & Hugs, A |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Linda, I love your story. Great job! A |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Thank you, Alison. I hope Etheree with its hodge-podge of free verse and odd-beat rhyme schemes are acceptable to Master B. LL |
||
|
brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
sue and linda both of your poems are great etherees are such fun and i think allison said it best when she said it was like fitting the pieces of a puzzle (at least it was for me!) shel |
||
|
Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
I'm leaving this to the Master. I guess he is busy, Linda. Don't worry, he'll be here. I think he will like it. Thank you, Alison! I tried. Thank you, Shellie! You do very well with this Etheree. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ah, earthy angel. I love your participation here, love your enthusiasm and love your friendship.....just don't love that poem.  You got the syllable counts right but at the expense of quality. You can do a whole lot better!! |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Now why did I know that you wouldn't be crazy over my etheree. ~ I was experimenting with parts in free verse and parts in rhyming couplets to mix it up a bit. Does an etheree have to be totally one or the other ~ or is a 'mixed bag' a cardinal sin? lol My free verse just happens to rhyme at time! lol Rondeaux et Rispettos work much better with my style. I doubt I'll ever be writing another etheree because, they seemed too forced. I might take another stab at this one ~ but then again, I may not.  Thanks for reading it, Master Meterist. LL |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Okay, I'm back. I can't stand things left half-baked. So I just whipped this one up. ~ and in free verse.  Here's attempt #2.Sad, am I. ~lost, alone, with head hung low My love flew away with some yellow-haired chick They both deserve each other. I am closing my heart and arms. for he is persona non gratta With wings spread wide, I soar above dark clouds. [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-22-2009 03:39 PM).] |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Now I'm actually enjoying writing etherees! I hope I writing them correctly now! Here's another attempt. I’m heading for the sea. I’ll be diving into cools waters to wash away all cares and stresses from my work day. Sunshine restores my energy. Refreshed and renewed I’ll return to the four confining walls and ringing phones. LL |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Well, dear Teacher, I made two more attempts at writing an Etheree. I hope they are better than my first one. If not, I'll be back to write a fourth. LL |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Excellent, Angel....both of those are very well written and you didn't fudge a bit. I knew you would be back to get it right....and you did! |
||
|
miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Deer Dear, I loved your challenge, and THAT it became. A challenge! I mixed up the rhyme a bit, and found myself in a mess; hope it's fixed! Ok... Here goes... Eh? Were you There with me In my presence, I, unknowingly, of your distant essence? Tribulations where exceed my ability to cross fence; While distressed by the future’s dress code, is it through you, my implosions let vent? Are you the one who sifts smoke from heart’s sky, Buckets the water, wagons the load, Moving clouds for sun to commence? Do you move about freely in drive to dispense with my tears discreetly, granting presents? Unknowing, I’ve been. Yes? |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nicely done, miscellanea. The only things I would go against are the phrases "did exceed" and "did vent". Earth Angel can tell you how I feel about using did unnaturally to get your poem to conform to rules or meter. it's a no-no!  Otherwise, it reads very well and is quite original. Good going! |
||
|
miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Thanks for your kindness in response, as well as that Balladeer honesty! I'll revise. Any better? Thanks for your input, BTW. `miscellanea~ |
||
|
Elias Nevermore Member
since 2007-11-03
Posts 152 |
Leave the man with the gun in his right hand for he does not know what his actions entail. If he does pull the trigger, not only will someone be killed, but his soul shall be plunged into the torturous pits that await him in hell. [This message has been edited by Elias Nevermore (08-25-2009 08:25 PM).] |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very good, Elias. Your line that should contain 9 only has 8, but the rest of it works fine. |
||
|
Elias Nevermore Member
since 2007-11-03
Posts 152 |
thank you balladeer. I edited the poem, so the mistakes you pointed out should be fixed. |
||
|
Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Hey Elias, welcome to the workshop. I like the poem. Alison |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hi, Elias! Great Etheree! You certainly are starting out on the right foot! I'm a PW newbie and I am learning a great deal from our venereal teacher! Ooops! "venerable" teacher! lol Welocme aboard! Linda  |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer, here I come again with another Etheree. This time I made it a bit more difficult by rhyming alternate lines. Poppa Pips On the news this morning, I heard that “Blues Singer ~ Poppa Pips, loses his cool and spews epithets during concert!” The fans went wild and their loud boos could be heard more than a mile away! ~ I wonder what it was that lit his fuse? LL |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
There you go, Elias! Nice work! I like it, Angel! Good lines and nice style...a complete package..and so is the poem! |
||
|
Elias Nevermore Member
since 2007-11-03
Posts 152 |
Thank you all for your encouraging comments. I hope to improve as a writer by doing more and more of these challenges. |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Balladeer ~ I'm pleased my poetic package appeals to you. How's that for alliteration, Teach?  Elias ~ I too, enjoy the support and guidance that is offered in this comfortable classroom atmosphere. We learn and have fun at the same time! LL |
||
|
Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Chasing Dreams By Paul Wilson Why did you run from me I thought you knew that my love is real. Lets start our lives anew spending the rest of our days together always just us two riding rainbows high above the clouds chasing dreams my love since we said I do ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well done, Paul, with a nice romantic touch |
||
|
Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Mike... Thanks I hope being tardy with this homework doesn't get me in hot water with the teacher. ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No way...we have no deadlines here. We're here whenever you get around to us! |
||
|
Amberzlynnc Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229New Jersey |
I want you to know that a mere three weeks has not allowed for my memory of you to completely diminish. I can't pass a Barnes and Noble, read a poem by Chuck Palahniuk, or listen to The Spill Canvas without nostalgic thoughts of you flooding my mind. You taught me not to assume things but it's hard not to assume the worst when you were not effected, or it just seemed that way. It hurt to let go, at least for me, and I wont forget you. *Amber |
||
|
Amberzlynnc Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229New Jersey |
Just an attempt. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
...and an excellent attempt it is. Great form and good subject matter. With the exception of using "effected" instead of "affected", I find nothing wrong at all. Nicely done, miss |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
