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Teen Poetry #2
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Silhouette of a Sibling (thanks for the title, Jer!)
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Silhouette of a Sibling (thanks for the title, Jer!) |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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Are you wondering where I went? Well, now you’ll know I didn’t run away and hide Just look behind you... in your shadow It’s not so bad sometimes But you left big shoes to fill I’ll try to fill them the best I can But I don’t think I will Everyone thinks I’m just like you There’s the good about you, and the bad It doesn’t matter which they choose Every comparison makes me so sad I’m sad that I’ll never get away From this cast that I can’t mold I’d like to feel warmth sometimes In your shadow, things are so cold... Every day, I dream that I’ll break away From your shadow and begin to shine Do you think this dream will come true? Perhaps... maybe in time... "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
You're NOT the only one who feels this way! Very good poem. Keep it up!  (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great work..... I always take pleasure in reading your work. Best of luck in future writings. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Thanks for the nice comments, steph and jer! I'm glad you can relate to my poetry, steph! It means a lot! "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
wonderful! this is one of best poems i've read on the teen forum... i can relate well, though i'm the oldest child, i've always been a lackey to people more outgoing and charismatic than myself... you have a well developed metaphor here, a rhyme scheme (which i like), and a fairly consistant meter... there's only one thing that i would change.. and that is in line 12... i would make it "makes me sad" instead of "makes me so sad"... i think it would flow better that way... just a suggestion from one maturing poet to another... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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