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My Static
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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My Static |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA 
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Sometimes I feel like I have static on the brain. My thoughts are anything but clear. What is it that has my brain going haywire? Ominously, I wonder if it is you. The anxiety this places in me, Seem to tear me into two. Have you any idea? Or even a clue? The only thing I have on my mind Seems to just be you. I think about the happy days, And the bad days too. But no mater what I do, I can't get rid of the thoughts on you. [This message has been edited by Jer (edited 01-16-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeremy Snyder - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ILoveSrfrs Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69California |
Loved this! Creative how you used static to talk about those unclear thoughts that never leave. Great! |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
cool poem, you been looking into my head again?  j/kWe both seem to be going through similar problems with love, I wish you luck in yours BTW, i think you made a typo in the very end and said can isntead of can't, which changes it quite a bit I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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Singer1981 Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 148Fredonia, NY USA |
I agree. I really liked this. As it is with Mistikman, I seem to be having similar feelings. Keep up the good work! |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Thanks.... I missed that in my proof-reading Mistikman. |
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Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
this was absolutely wonderful Jer!!! great job... keep up the good work... Don't Fall.. Rise in Love -------823------- |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Star Fairy 2: Thank you for you comments. Singer1981: Thank you also, I hope we all get rid of these feelings. Mistikman: See you have the right idea. You are obviousely on the same wavelenth that Marilyn and I are on. Your comments great. They make to fourm alittle more interactive. Thanks for taking the time to read my work, comment and understand how everything works on the fourm. |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
your poem was terriffic. Keep it up! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Hey, I really love this one, Jer! I can relate to it, as you already know. "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
I loved this one also! I can SO relate to it! Keep up the goodwork Jer! (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
Jer: You'd better keep up the good work, because even though I replied, I really like this poem. You can't say that I challenge you, 'cuz your poetry is more of a challenge to me to keep writing better. Keep it up!!! -Kristi Lynn |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Thanks Kristi...... You got me blushing now. |
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abra-cadabra Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 75Florissant, Missouri, USA |
This was VERY excellent. Great job!! I liked this one alot. |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Hey, this poem was really good. I like the way you start the poem off already grabbing my interest, and also the word "ominously" really helps set tone. Nice job, and good luck. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Wonderful Jer! I'm impressed! I like the way you portray the feeling of the one track mind thing. Great work! *Krista Knutson* One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. ~*Antonio Porchia*~ |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Thank you all for the wonderful comments. My feelings are anything but static for you all. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
jer: i like this poem a lot... in this case i think the lack of meter actually ADDS to the poem and its meaning... you are, after all, talking about static and confusion... very good job  sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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