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Teen Poetry #2
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Untitled (Need Sugg.)
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Untitled (Need Sugg.) |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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I looked into your eyes, to deep into your feelings. I looked for answers, and found them all. All the lies, all the jokes, all the knots, you may have tied. I looked into your eyes, and for once, I saw the truth, in all my questions. why you came, why you left, what you saw, what you drempt. I looked into your eyes, beyond the surfce of steel, beyond the ice breaking shadows, beyond the intrapping fences. And I saw everything. And now I understand, all the lies, you repremand, to save my soul, from your true self. Loves may seem forgotten, but the true will once shine through. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great poem. As for the title.... Why not call it, "Answers behind the Eyes". Just a suggestion though. Other then that.... It is a good poem based on reality of one's feelings for another. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I enjoyed this and it is very true. As for a title suggestion...How about "The Windows". |
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Olga Member
since 1999-07-26
Posts 152Brooklyn, NY, USA |
I really liked this one. Truth usually hurts, yet it sets us all free. Keep it up |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I'm glad you guys like my poem. I'll take both of those title suggestions into thought. Loves may seem forgotten, but the true will once shine through. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
i like this poem... it's a common sentiment with an extended and in-depth look  the only thing i dont understand is the word "drempt"... i've never run across it before... perhaps you meant dreamt (as in to have already dreamed)?... overall a good poem keep it up and i hope you find a good title... i feign to title someone else's work... sincerely, **jerome the boy with no brain |
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PoeticDreams Junior Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 35Lindsay,Oklahoma US |
How about "I looked into your eyes" hmmm. Pretty original considering you stated it all the way through your poem.LOL. Great poem though. Keep up the good work. ~¤Always look to the sunrise and you'll never see the shadows¤~Anee Frank |
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Duchessofhearts Junior Member
since 2000-01-15
Posts 13 |
your poem is one of the best i read so far. i know when i dont have a title i take a line i like most from the poem and put it as the title. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm taking all of them into consideration. I'm still not sure though. And thanks for replying to my poem, you guys make me feel special. Loves may seem forgotten, but the true will once shine through. |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
Sometimes the truth about someone hurts Especially those who we care about Stuff like this happens so often to some Especially the good ones :> (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
thanks ya all. just addin this to my library Morning rain fell on my window, and I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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