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Misty
Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121
USA

0 posted 2000-01-09 09:33 PM


This isn't my final layout of this poem, IM posting it to get some suggestions on it, Im at a blank! So please help and give suggestions! Thanks
_________________________


A True Athlete

When wanting to be a true athlete remember,
Always be a team player.
Play your hardest in every game,
but don't play just for the fame.
Being good doesn't come free,
Hard work, dedication, and desire is the key.
There's no "I" in a team,
but true sometime that may seam.
An athlete isn't measured by how much you play,
It's measured by your heart and giving 110% every day.
Have the attitude of how can I become better,
even when you've earned that varsity letter.
Think how can I help the team by being here.
And have no fear.
The biggest mistake made,
is not trying because you're afraid.

©Misty


[This message has been edited by Misty (edited 01-15-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Misty - All Rights Reserved
Bright Melody
Junior Member
since 1999-11-06
Posts 37
O'Fallon Illinois
1 posted 2000-01-09 09:54 PM


I think it sounds pretty good. The only rough spot for me is the last 2 lines.

Just remember the biggest mistake you can make,
is not trying because your afraid to make a mistake.

Maybe try

The biggest mistake made
is not trying because you're afraid.

Hope that helped.


 If you love something let it go... if it comes back it's yours... if it doesn't it never was.

Jer
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
USA
2 posted 2000-01-09 11:15 PM


I agree with Bright Melody.  Try fixing those last two lines.  They just read aukward. As for your "There is no I in team."
Your right but, there is a M and E. "ME" Lol. Sorry I just had to do that.  In all good poem.

Misty
Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121
USA
3 posted 2000-01-15 11:54 AM


True there is a me in team but that's because me a person can make a difference for the team by being there, and help the TEAM! Not I! Like this team is good because I'm on it! I guess....... something like that, yeah! But thanks for the replies, and Bright Melody thanks so much for the advice, Im going to take it, I just could get the last part to sound good so thanks for helping me!!!

 ¬©Misty
For more Poems bye Misty GO TO:
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Arc/1644

"You died a failure because you never tried!"


cougaryouth
Junior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 25

4 posted 2000-01-15 12:29 PM


Hey good poem, I happen to be an athlete too, and hoping to make varsity on our district 5-5A team next year, so that is a great poem for an  athlete. The only thing I saw was where you were talking about how there sometimes seems to be an I in team, well seem is spelled seem not seam, just a hint
Misty
Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121
USA
5 posted 2000-01-22 12:35 PM


thanks for telling me about my spelling mistake, Im bad at spelling!  
Oo0ostephanio0oO
Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194
Massachusetts ~USA~
6 posted 2000-01-22 11:32 AM


i agree with everyone, this is a wicked good poem for an athlete. And YEAH the last to lines through me off a bit. IF you weren't going to change them, it seemed as though there should've been more to it. But you're changing it. Either way i really liked it...


 (:***Stephani***:)
"A true friend will always stay a friend
whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end."



Misty
Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121
USA
7 posted 2000-01-28 11:45 PM


Thanks for the replies
poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
8 posted 2000-01-29 03:39 AM


misty: well, i did like your poem, even though i disagree with the ideas presented... in fact, you inspired a response from me (which is posted on this forum) about the "true athlete" as i percieve them... i did think your poem was well written (though i found the same problem with the final lines as others did) and well-concieved however, and a very noble effort to uphold the classical Greco-Roman notions of athletics...

sincerely,
jerome the boy with no cup

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

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