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A True Athlete (draft)
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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A True Athlete (draft) |
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Misty Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121USA |
This isn't my final layout of this poem, IM posting it to get some suggestions on it, Im at a blank! So please help and give suggestions! Thanks _________________________ A True Athlete When wanting to be a true athlete remember, Always be a team player. Play your hardest in every game, but don't play just for the fame. Being good doesn't come free, Hard work, dedication, and desire is the key. There's no "I" in a team, but true sometime that may seam. An athlete isn't measured by how much you play, It's measured by your heart and giving 110% every day. Have the attitude of how can I become better, even when you've earned that varsity letter. Think how can I help the team by being here. And have no fear. The biggest mistake made, is not trying because you're afraid. ©Misty [This message has been edited by Misty (edited 01-15-2000).] |
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Bright Melody Junior Member
since 1999-11-06
Posts 37O'Fallon Illinois |
I think it sounds pretty good. The only rough spot for me is the last 2 lines. Just remember the biggest mistake you can make, is not trying because your afraid to make a mistake. Maybe try The biggest mistake made is not trying because you're afraid. Hope that helped. If you love something let it go... if it comes back it's yours... if it doesn't it never was. |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
I agree with Bright Melody. Try fixing those last two lines. They just read aukward. As for your "There is no I in team." Your right but, there is a M and E. "ME" Lol. Sorry I just had to do that. In all good poem. |
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Misty Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121USA |
True there is a me in team but that's because me a person can make a difference for the team by being there, and help the TEAM! Not I! Like this team is good because I'm on it! I guess....... something like that, yeah! But thanks for the replies, and Bright Melody thanks so much for the advice, Im going to take it, I just could get the last part to sound good so thanks for helping me!!! ©Misty For more Poems bye Misty GO TO: http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Arc/1644 "You died a failure because you never tried!" |
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cougaryouth Junior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 25 |
Hey good poem, I happen to be an athlete too, and hoping to make varsity on our district 5-5A team next year, so that is a great poem for an athlete. The only thing I saw was where you were talking about how there sometimes seems to be an I in team, well seem is spelled seem not seam, just a hint |
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Misty Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121USA |
thanks for telling me about my spelling mistake, Im bad at spelling!  |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
i agree with everyone, this is a wicked good poem for an athlete. And YEAH the last to lines through me off a bit. IF you weren't going to change them, it seemed as though there should've been more to it. But you're changing it. Either way i really liked it... (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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Misty Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121USA |
Thanks for the replies |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
misty: well, i did like your poem, even though i disagree with the ideas presented... in fact, you inspired a response from me (which is posted on this forum) about the "true athlete" as i percieve them... i did think your poem was well written (though i found the same problem with the final lines as others did) and well-concieved however, and a very noble effort to uphold the classical Greco-Roman notions of athletics... sincerely, jerome the boy with no cup A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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