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ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

0 posted 2000-06-09 02:27 PM

I am very new to this forum - any replies would be greatly appreciated!

A Prisoner's Lament

There comes a day, to all of us,
when we know that we will leave.
And stay in the same place, yes, indeed;
but the heart's journey knows very little need.

I swim in my pain, no lust could surrender,
until I thrust out my shame;
and in that moment, I briefly remember,
some days when I still had my name.

It will take more than one call I say, perhaps
or perhaps it was what I didn't say,
that made the scarlet and the traps
much easier to find on the way

Nonetheless, I am stranded, and no one can swim
as far out as I have been,
I have seen the wicked ways in them,
those funny girls, and those men.

But still I touch my toes to the sand,
and feel its inviting grains,
and pretend that happiness is a word that I know,
inside my jailbars and pains.

"Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

1 posted 2000-06-09 03:33 PM

Welcome to Passions! You'll never regret ever posting here

It's an excellent poem, I love it. Great way with words.

"and pretend that happiness is a word I know,
inside my jailbars and pains."

That says alot to me.

Great job. Keep up to good stuff.

Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

JennyeMeshan
Member

since 2000-02-15

Posts 103
Cecil, Wisconsin USA

2 posted 2000-06-10 04:54 PM

hey,
You are a really BEAUTIFUL writer! Keep up the great work and don't even hesitate to post more! You are on my best poets list! Your poems flow extremely well and you put your all into it...I can tell.

have a great day!
~JeNnYeMeShAn

"If thou can wait then thou shall stay"
-Destiny's Child

ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

3 posted 2000-06-10 05:21 PM

Thanks TearsOfPearls and JennyeMeshan! I'm glad you liked my poetry and I'll be looking for yours too!

"Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 2000-06-10 05:44 PM

Welcome to the family! This is a very good poem. Please check your email!

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

5 posted 2000-06-10 05:54 PM

Hey, do me a favor and I'll do one for you. Make sure you keep putting stuff up here, and I'll keep replying. That one really got me.

Jeremy D. Halstead

ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

6 posted 2000-06-10 06:01 PM

Thanks a bunch Poet deVine and Jeremy! =) And thanks for welcoming me to the forum with open arms

"Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit

Novacaine For The Soul
Member

since 2000-05-26

Posts 122
New Orleans

7 posted 2000-06-11 12:41 PM

dear chibideathscythe:
anime fan, hmm? *hehe* and also a poet, i see... i had a wee bit of trouble with the flow of the first stanza, but that may be due simply to the irregularity of the meter in your stanzas... i liked the final stanza the best, and whether that's because of the wording or that by the final stanza i'd really gotten hang of the flow of your verse... either way... a very good poem, and a very intriguing take on a

sincerely,
a sad tomato

you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you...

ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

8 posted 2000-06-11 12:28 PM

Yes novacaine, I am an anime fan, and I am delighted to see someone at least recognise what that is *lol*

I don't really know a lot technically about poems....but I'm always learning

"Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit

peanogrl83
Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 202

9 posted 2000-06-11 01:35 PM

Nice work and welcome to the forum! I particularly like the lines

I swim in my pain, no lust could surrender,
until I thrust out my shame;
and in that moment, I briefly remember,
some days when I still had my name.

Once again, great job, keep it up! :.)
Vreni

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

10 posted 2007-11-15 07:24 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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