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Teen Poetry #2
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Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932

0 posted 2000-06-04 11:09 PM

Your sweet loving words
Always sang to me like the birds
You smiled and I smiled back
I always cut you too much slack
I didn't care when you went to her house
You snuck around like a little mouse
Why is it that I couldn't see
That you really didn't love me
So how could you sit there and look into my eyes
And foolishly tell me lies
Did you think that I was that naive
Were you afraid that iwould leave
How could you do that to me
Do you not care or can you not see
My heart is broken on the floor
And you continue walking out that door
That's ok, take yourself and walk
But realize, that never again will we talk!
Don't expect me to answer when you call
My sister will just tell you I'm at the mall
DId you honestly think I was that Naive??
Or were you just too afraid I would get up and leave??

© Copyright 2000 Jessica Lynn - All Rights Reserved
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176
1 posted 2000-06-04 11:35 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I just went through the same thing. His excuse was he didn't want to hurt me that's why he didn't tell me sooner before i found out from someone else. I was more mad b/c of the dishonesty then anything else. This was very well written. You do a good job.


 "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls."

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
2 posted 2000-06-05 01:44 AM

Hey Jess, I really like this one.  I noticed how the mood started off sweet and light, starting turning sad and thick, and then transfered really smoothly right over to bitter and strong.  I like the way your poetry talks you're talking to a person.  You're consistant with it and that can be a good thing.  keep it up.

Jeremy Halstead


Lucius Cade
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235
3 posted 2000-06-05 02:45 AM

Jessica, this is my personal favorite of yours. Very well written.

 Lucidity is the answer to all problems

since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA
4 posted 2000-06-05 11:47 AM

i really like the poem, i can almost relate, bacause my girlfriend is kinda scaredthat i might do that to her, and sometimes so am i
but anyway im sure everybody else reading these posts will be much happier if i didnt get into these problems of mine
anyhow, i really liked the poem, maybe could use some work on the beat of the words, mayde add a few here or there, nothing that really means anything in the poem, just to give some lines the volume needed to be symetrical

 always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside...:)

Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
5 posted 2000-06-05 07:24 PM

CB~thanks for your reply. I too thought it could use some work. I'll edit it asap! thxs for you advice...your problems however are an issue-I would love to talk to you about this! I am very good at listening and giving advive!! If you do want to talk just e-mail me! =0) hope to hear from you!!!!! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~
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