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Teen Poetry #2
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Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48

0 posted 2000-05-21 07:00 PM

If only life was perfect,
we'd all have a blast.
No one would be sorry,
and love would always last.

Families would stay together,
not separaring, no divorce,
friends wouldn't be torn apart,
not by one single force.

If only life was perfect,
my grandma would still be here.
And there would be no dying,
because that's my biggest fear.

Everyone would be happy,
no one would shed a tear.
There would be nothing like,
drugs, violence, or beer.

If only life was perfect,
AIDS would never be.
Things like that just wouldn't live,
I wish that were up to me.

The grass would grow greener,
right on your side.
You'd never have fear,
YOu'd never have to hide.

If only life was perfect,
trouble? What is that?
There would be no yelling,
and dogs wouldn't chase cats.

We'd all live in harmony,
no work all play that's it.
Nothing would be wrong with our perfect world,
not even a little bit.

If only life was perfect,
it'd be great it seems.
It fades away so fast cuz,
oh, it's just a dream!!!

[This message has been edited by heatherbear (edited 05-21-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 heatherbear - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
1 posted 2000-05-21 07:36 PM

This is VERY well-written, your rhymes fit right into the poem without sounding sort of awkward, like they just are there because they rhyme with the last phrase. Man, this is awesome stuff here! Okay, I'm going to give you a little criticism now, but don't take offense cause I really like your work. You should have said *If only life WERE perfect* instead of *was perfect* for it to be gramatically correct. I know, big deal, but it's a pet-peave of mine. sorry, i know I suck. Ok, good job, peace.


 It's another world
But it's something more than ordinary
Such a lovely day
And it's nothing more than ordinary living
That you're living
- Lit

New Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 5

2 posted 2000-05-21 07:48 PM

This is really really good!!! If only life could be exactly like that but there are problems in the world that just cant be fixed and just cant go away... You just have to keep you head up and time will heal all pains and sorrows...  Good things happen just as much as bad things do... Keep writing you are very good at it!!!
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
3 posted 2000-05-22 12:31 PM

wow, this is SO GOOD!!! Fantastic! ^_^
Yeah, I agree.. your rhyming fits perfectly..
Wow, just amazing writing.. u r definitely on my list of top poets.. (not that I actually HAVE a physical list.. hehe *_^)

"If we didn't have troubles now and then, how would we know when we were happy?"

I think this is a very wise quote.. *_^

Truly great writing..

since 2000-04-23
Posts 119

4 posted 2000-05-23 06:42 PM

Aww... geeze, if only. This is gorgeous... and very nostalgic for me, because I can still remember a time when I thought life was like that...


 "We prefer to do things comfortably" said the Controller.
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Alright then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy." -Aldous Huxley "Brave New World"

Matchstick McGee
Junior Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 26
Austin, Texas
5 posted 2000-05-23 07:59 PM

If only... *sigh* Evokes a lot of emotion from me. Very well written. I love it, and saved it on my computer.


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-05-23 09:40 PM

A lovely poem.

My favorite line was-

'If only life was perfect,
it'd be great it seems.'

Simply put - wonderful thoughts.
Hope you continue to look for
the 'perfect' life.
Great piece.

 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~

Lucius Cade
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235
7 posted 2000-05-24 12:00 PM

Ah, a utopian society, one dreamed up by many philosophers but never acheived even by the highest acheivers. If death is your greatest fear, you make your life a living hell by thinking that.
good poem

 Lucidity is the answer to all problems

Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
8 posted 2000-05-24 03:21 PM

If we didn’t feel pain and sorrow
We wouldn’t appreciate the value
In love and happiness.
If everything was beautiful,
Beauty would seem mediocre.
If everyone was happy,
Bliss would be ordinary.

That is what I believe. However, the world you describe would be worth striving keep trying for it!

Love and hugs,

 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48

9 posted 2000-05-24 08:26 PM

Thank you everyone soo much for your wonderful replies.  You have given me a lot of confidence in my poetry.  Death isn't my greastest fear anymore-you fear death when you are not living your life how you should be-my life is just fine now!!  Thanx again everyone!!!
Junior Member
since 2000-05-20
Posts 10

10 posted 2000-05-24 10:54 PM

I really liked this poem. And boy if life was perfect what a world would it be. I enjoyed this a lot and I look forward to reading more of your work  


Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 48

11 posted 2000-05-27 03:45 PM

Thank you everyone for your replies!!  Sorry I haven't posted in a while~ I've been kinda busy!!  Everyone keep up the good work!
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

12 posted 2000-05-27 06:27 PM

There are many imperfections in the world, but you musn't forget the things that God gave us to get though. Hope, faith, courage, and most of all, His Son.

 "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

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