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Teen Poetry #2
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Love's Troubled Corridors
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Love's Troubled Corridors |
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Krylic New Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 3 |
I was, I am, Am I? I met you once, as all meetings are; Yet I felt as if I had known you. You came to be "the one I flirted with"; but you wanted so much more. His death sucked you in, but opened you up to me; We started talking about deeper subjects than vectors and momentum. I took you out, showed you a great time, asked you a question, and got the answer I was looking for. For two weeks I moved to cloud nine with you by my side. I was happy. Endless conversation filled our mouths, endless adoration filled our hearts. A month later I looked in your eyes and said three words I had never knew I could; which echoed from your heart. I gave you myself, you didn't take me for granted. I was happy. Our love grew by the day, until one day it hit a wall; neither of us saw it, neither of us could recover. We tumbled down a staircase that had no floor. We managed to gain balence in time for me to leave. I longed for you, I got you back, I left again. I was faithful, I dreamt of you constantly, I came home to pile of sweats covering a loving woman. I was happy. Our love soared once more, twice as much as before. I was happy. The wall came again, but seemed to cycle more rapidly. A roller-coaster would have been kind. I got an elevator stuck in the basement. I pushed you away, I didn't realize it, I wish I hadn't. I was ashamed. You were loyal, bless you, but you have your limits. It was supposed to be a happy night, it turned into a dreadful night. I came close to losing you, you came close to losing me. I thought it was better, 4 days of good. I was happy. I left again, I really wish I hadn't. He was alone, he was vulnerable, he was there when you needed him. He was the better man of the moment. I came home, not to the pile of sweats, to a stranger, one who had amnesia, one who didn't know she loved me. I was sad. You pushed me away, you didn't realize it. I was mad. I loved, I loved with both our hearts, it still wasn't enough. Now we are here, a place I don't know, a place I want to leave. I am... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Krylic - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
OUCH MY HEAD HURTS! Man, this "thinking" stuff is painful work! ehehe, seriously, you have a great title, its what drew my attention, the poem was really deep, somewhat creepy (not a bad thing!) One suggestion, break it into stanzas (I.E., little cute paragraph type thingies, makes it easier to read), anywho great job and welcome to our "A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!" Deranger HAHA! Post number sixty-nine!!! Ok, maturity returning.... [This message has been edited by Deranger (edited 05-19-2000).] |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
A fantastic title. some very interesting images, and metaphors. well writing, I agree with Deranger stanza form would help, other than that really enjoyed the poem. |
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