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Teen Poetry #2
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brendon2k
Junior Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 38
none

0 posted 2000-05-12 08:18 PM


and to this day that i still wait,
still sitting up alone,
though i know it's too late,
i know i cant live without you,
all this time that has passed me by,
still every time that i try,
this lonelyness i keep inside,
but now it's much to hard to hide,
i wish i could live without you,
this infatuation's much to strong,
is this love or am i wrong,
every night i think about you,
to have loved,
and to have lost,
this feeling of regret,
the feeling of being without you,
and now your gone,
but i wont see,
i felt this for much too long,
i wish this all worked out diferently,
i wish that you and i could be,


© Copyright 2000 none - All Rights Reserved
Frosty
Junior Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 17

1 posted 2000-05-12 09:03 PM


Hey, that was good, the only problem that I was able to spot was the rhyming, it was uneven, and somewhat forced.  Other than that I really loved it.  Great poem, keep it up.
Lucius Cade
Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235
Saskatchewan
2 posted 2000-05-13 02:48 AM


ah, the thing I like about your writing is it follows no "real" rhyming scheme, although the trace of rhyme flow is always there. hard to explain I guess, hehe, i like the poem.

 Lucidity is the answer to all problems

the dark angel
Junior Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 37

3 posted 2000-05-13 04:32 AM


the thing I like about your poetry is that it comes straight from the heart so it has no real need for rhyming. Keep it up.
The dark angel-x-

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