Her Tears Fall To The Floor

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Teen Poetry #2

Her Tears Fall To The Floor

MrHat
Junior Member

since 2000-04-15

Posts 34
Gilroy, Ca

0 posted 2000-05-09 01:29 AM

Make-up running from her face
Her tears fall to the floor
She cries for many reasons
She wants to live no more
She seeks comfort in the arms
Of a long-time simple friend
She cries upon the shoulder
In a stream that wont soon end
---------------
Her silent cries are soon released
Never to relent
She feels all used up
As if her life was spent
In the comfort of her friend
Of a long-time simple nature
She cries her eyes till they are dry
And finds hope in her friends shoulder
--
The second part I just added while typing it...should I keep it or toss it? Replies?
--------------
This was written about a girl in one of my classes. She just inspired this...I am not sure if it is done yet...I may get the idea...I may not...Who knows? When I gave it to her so she could read it...first she said she liked it...then asked in a cheery voice "Is my make-up really running?"

)

[This message has been edited by MrHat (edited 05-09-2000).]

Lucius Cade
Member

since 2000-03-23

Posts 235
Saskatchewan

1 posted 2000-05-09 02:26 AM

I definitly like the second part the way it is. Great poem, keep it like that.

Lucidity is the answer to all problems

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2000-05-09 07:17 PM

I have to agree with the first reply, Mr. Hat. I like the second part. It's a keeper.<!signature-->

<font face="Arial, Verdana" size="1" color="#000080"> "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde</font>

[This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 05-09-2000).]

heatherbear
Junior Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 48

3 posted 2000-05-09 10:48 PM

I like it!! Definetely keep the second part. It makes me remember my last year in middle school. Thanks!

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

4 posted 2000-05-10 12:47 PM

this is nice.. MrHat.. well, I hate to dis agree with all the other ppl who have replied.. but I am not sure if the last verse kinda fits.. I think short and sweet and leaving u wondering a bit is better.. well, my opinion, it is good either way, I just think it might be better...

Lynne

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