Consequences of no sleep (very long, need title help, replies needed! thanks!)

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ILoveSrfrs
Member

since 1999-11-14

Posts 69
California

0 posted 2000-05-01 12:54 PM

I’m picking my brain
Searching for any morsel of sanity left over
Going over the things I would say
If you were ever here one more time
But I am wishing again
You would think after throwing that much money into the well
My wish might have come true by now

I’m scared to move forward
But I am more afraid to look back
Now that I have run out of tears to cry
And I have no floor to fall to
Maybe if we could glue my heart back together
I would be likable again, for you

It’s a one-way street
And I’m the only one on it
Taking no time to look around and enjoy
Like all the books say I should do
I just want to get to the end
So you can hold me in your arms

If it all ended today
Would you look back and smile
Or would you look back
And hate those days I held your hand
Because once you fall, you never fully regain control
Your never quite like you were in the beginning

We could walk down the road of life together
And listen to each other’s hearts
Quote the lies told by our favorite poets
And kiss until our lips told us it was time to stop
And walk again, with no place to go
Wishing forever actually lasted that long

Dreaming about your eyes again and
Thinking about leaving this place
And starting all over, nameless
Sharing the aura of mystery
That you wore like a trench coat
Hiding all of your emotions
In your jacket of nonchalance
And reading the 14 books of poetry on my shelf

We could walk all the way to heaven
And say hello to the people alive in our hearts
Never missing the angels
Because they were there the whole time
And maybe you could tell me what reality is
Because I sometimes have a tendency to forget
The difference between what sparkles and what is gold

Parts of it would be dark too
Because that’s the way I like it
Not knowing where you’re going
Or how you’re going to get there
But knowing you’ll get there just the same
And I could convince you to let me lead
So that you could stand behind me
Just in case I fell again
Like the time I fell in love with you

Thinking about going alone again
On an island with my thoughts
Missing you completely like I have this whole time
And you would need me too
Because that’s the way it should be
You would tell me I was a deep person
And that my thoughts weren’t weird

I’m wishing again
For no such thing as a broken heart
And scars that fade as quick as you get them
Music that calms your soul before you go to sleep
So that you can dream happy
And I could dream about you
And sleeping pills would just be
An annoyance in the medicine cabinet

My soul would be cemented
Like a handprint on your heart
And the music would follow us around
Like a permanent quartet of love
And maybe then you would start to realize
What I was waiting for all the time
As I sat in class all of those years
Daydreaming and carving your name into the desk
Carving your name into my heart

Wishing one last time
That I might be allowed to love you again
If you could let me into your heart one time
And I could tell you what I needed to say
And you would listen
Because you would need to hear it
Just as much as me
Throwing some more money into the well
And wishing for it all to come true

son of man
Member

since 2000-04-25

Posts 125

1 posted 2000-05-01 01:09 AM

whoa! lots of emotion there. man thats deep.
i think you did a good job, maybe a good title would be "one more time" or "back to when", something in that sense.
i enjoyed it. very thoughtful.

ILoveSrfrs
Member

since 1999-11-14

Posts 69
California

2 posted 2000-05-01 10:59 PM

*bump* for myself. - Please reply to this!! How can I make this shorter, or better? Thank You!! Also, any title suggestions??

ILoveSrfrs
Member

since 1999-11-14

Posts 69
California

3 posted 2000-05-03 01:11 AM

*please* reply to this! this needs constructive critisim VERY bad!! please help this poem!

Oo0ostephanio0oO
Member

since 2000-01-19

Posts 194
Massachusetts ~USA~

4 posted 2000-05-03 01:45 AM

I don't know how well I can be on criticism. I would have to read you poem again, so if I have time later, I will. This was very good. The word usage made me FEEL your emotions, especially since I can relate to the piece.

Now, for a title...? Hmm...how about:

The Wishing Dream

???I don't know, I'm not very creative!

~

(:***Stephani***:)
"A true friend will always stay a friend
whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end."

ILoveSrfrs
Member

since 1999-11-14

Posts 69
California

5 posted 2000-05-08 09:25 PM

*BUMP!!*

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