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Powder
Junior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 20
Illinois, USA

0 posted 2000-04-28 11:36 PM


I Think I Died Today

I gave up who I was today,
It seemed I sold my soul.
I tried to be like Them today,
I turned my heart to coal.
There seemed no other way,
I think I died today.

I tried to hard to change today,
I showed that I was weak.
I gave Them what they want today,
It hurt to be a freak.
There seemed no other way,
I think I died today.

I tried to be popular today,
So I out my dreams away.
There seemed no other way,
I think I died today.


or:


I Think I Died Today

I gave Them what they want today,
It seemed I sold my soul.
I tried to be like Them today,
I turned my heart to coal.
There seemed no other way,
I think I died today.

I tried to hard to change today,
I showed that I was weak.
I gave up who I was today,
So as not to be a freak.
There seemed no other way,
I think I died today.

I tried to be popular today,
So put my dreams away.
There seemed no other way,
I think I died today.


Any ideas would be a great help!



[This message has been edited by Powder (edited 04-29-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Adam Cebulski - All Rights Reserved
Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793
on the roof again
1 posted 2000-04-29 12:30 PM


i dig it. i only hope this is NOT a true story! don't sell out. be true to you.

"i never wanna be normal like you"
-art alexakis


 We all got somethin' we need to atone for.

bulletproof2312
Junior Member
since 2000-03-31
Posts 28
Beaumont Tx, 77707
2 posted 2000-04-30 05:51 PM


Wow, reality check, you made me think about how i act and who I really am... just a personal not i like the first beginning, it seemed to flow a little better, i'm no exspert but anyway.... cool poem.

 "Here I stand I can do none other"---Luther

poe_32
Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 179
Winnipeg, MB, Canada
3 posted 2000-05-01 12:01 PM


I liked the first one, it flowed better than the second one. But I totally understand what you meant, society tries to make us look "normal" to their standards. Personnally I think if someone wants to dress a certain way thats fine becuase they are comfortable with it and it shows their personality. I dress the way I want and not the way others want me to dress, I feel better about myself if I dress the way I want and I feel comfortable. This was a very good poem. keep writing your really talented!smiles poe
son of man
Member
since 2000-04-25
Posts 125

4 posted 2000-05-01 12:34 PM


hey man, ilike the first better too.
but #2 was cool as well.
just keep a draft of both.
dont compromise who you are,
but who you are may not be who you think you are.

 

huney_mel
Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 52

5 posted 2000-05-01 07:30 PM


this is a great poem, its so true! But i tried to be like that, but i was trying to get out of the good group cos they were all assholes! So be yourself in whatever you do and you will always shine through!

Love mel

Midnight
Junior Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 28

6 posted 2000-05-01 08:56 PM


Number one was really good, I liked it a lot...and I can really empathize with what you are going through.
Powder
Junior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 20
Illinois, USA
7 posted 2000-05-01 09:47 PM


Thanks for all the input, I really appreciate it.  I guess I try not to live like this but deep down everyone wants to be accepted; some just more than others.  

[This message has been edited by Powder (edited 05-01-2000).]

rachella
Junior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 39
Indiana
8 posted 2000-05-02 04:45 PM


Hey, this was good.  The style was nice and I personally like #1.  I have thought about this topic many times and I have also written poems concerning this.  I believe people wear so many masks until they forget who they are w/out it.  We can't let that happen.  Excellent work.
   ~rachella

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
9 posted 2000-05-06 08:22 PM


Hmm...hard to choose....welcome to the family! Please check your email for a special message.  
Seysi
New Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 8
kortrijk in belgium
10 posted 2000-05-07 04:13 PM


i understand you, it's not easy to fit in
i like your poem very much!

Rachel8383
Junior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 44

11 posted 2000-05-08 12:16 PM


i liked them both, i understand you totally, though i hope you didn't just be what they want you to be.  personally i think they're both great, the choice is up to you, great job   rachel
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
12 posted 2000-05-09 09:20 PM


It is very hard to choose. Welcome to Passions.   I will be looking forward to seeing more from you.
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
13 posted 2000-05-10 10:30 AM


~~~ #1 ~~~
Nice writing ~~~ Welcome to Passions!
dh


 A life isn't significant except for its impact on other lives.


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