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Invocation
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Invocation |
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Joseph Black New Member
since 2000-04-25
Posts 2 |
Disperged words on top of profained verbs, hushed toungues, amoung young reverse worse, headheavy headstrong on the anger curse, misconceptioned ways or commercialized eyes, thoughts wrought soft, watching mercifully as time dies, no time left now, or the contemplation of how, no end, no child, for the public to defile, while taken what is you seems to do what it`s not supposed to, tears or mourning or rest nevertheless never-the-less never-the-less emotions amplified over microphones, or not, they`re silent and unmaned just like the gunshot, stage moxy or the proximity got me visionary stopped. Appeared to me by way of verbal incisions to my soul envisioned wisdom in missions alongside vision`s of my love`s many divisions she came from ol` decisions and mind dimensions believed to appease witnessess to the bitten. Mettled in the mental in the in you simple into that which I been through in you or that clenched temple now my temple`s dimple. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Joseph Black - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Daysleeper Member
since 2000-04-23
Posts 119 |
Joseph- Hey, I like this... I really do, you've got some great images, and the way you use your phrasing... * * * tears or mourning or rest nevertheless never-the-less never-the-less emotions amplified over microphones * * * it's just wonderful. This is a great poem, and a great first post. My only suggestion would be break it up a little. Not in the way you've written, but simply in the format... Would make it easier to read. * * * Disperged words on top of profained verbs, hushed toungues, amoung young reverse worse, headheavy, headstrong on the anger curse, misconceptioned ways or commercialized eyes, * * * Something like that. A great read though, and a great think. Many thanks for posting. "Presently I've had enough of all your sanity." -James Kavanaugh |
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Ashiraladoni Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 52Duluth, MN, USA |
Great Poem. The visual ideas are awesomely represented. Good work.  ) Keep it up.~Ashiraladoni |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions. This is an extremely depp first post. I am impressed. I would suggest breaking up the format of this piece a bit, to give it more of a poetry feel then prose. I will be looking forward to seeing more from you.  |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Welcome to Passions Joseph. This is quite a vivid piece. I agree with Marilyn on breaking it up a bit but otherwise this is a really good writing. I look forward to seeing more of your work. ~AF~ "Poetry is the language in which man explores his own amazement." Christopher Fry |
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snowgirl17 Junior Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 20Cloquet,Mn |
I like how you used the images in a diffent style thanks for the intresting thoughts on what thins are all about |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
Welcome to Passions, Joseph. I liked this a lot, but I have to agree with what everyone else said about breaking it down. But I'm looking forward to more from you. Good job and keep up the good work. Love, Kristi Lynn |
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son of man Member
since 2000-04-25
Posts 125 |
i like the way the way your poem invokes deep thought. i think the reason others want to see you break it up is because the mental images would be clearer, and would add even more to its thought rendering concept. i must give you kudos for its originality. per |
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