|Teen Poetry #2|
since 2000-03-30Posts 25
My one true love,
Is more than I could ever dream of.
She is my lovely dove,
That I could fly with above.
I feel her warm skin against mine,
And I feel that we could be just fine.
There is one thing I can and will see,
That is to be together for all eternity.
God has chosen us to be together,
I will definitely take.
God has put us always forever,
That I will tell you is not fake.
You are my only sunshine,
That will not fade away.
You make me feel fine,
I make you stay.
There is one thing I have to say to you,
And that will always be forever.
That would be I love you,
For it will stay with you till whenever.
|© Copyright 2000 Thomas Jono - All Rights Reserved|
since 2000-03-01Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
A very sweet poem and I think that any girl that had a poem like that written about her is very lucky indeed.
I do however have a few litle things to say.
One - you don't have to rhyme if you don't want to...don't be afraid of free verse. It just seemed as though you put words in there just because they rhymed when there could be other words that might capture your emotions better.
And two, usually, if you do rhyme, you use a particular rhyming pattern. I noticed that the pattern in the first two stanzas the pattern was A,A,B,B yet the last three were A,B,A,B. Try to stick to one pattern next time.
A brilliant poem none the less.
Keep up the great work.
since 1999-09-23Posts 322
I also like this poem...Lauren sure is a lucky girl...but I also agree with AngelShell on the rhyming thing...but even though...it is a great poem.
Keep on putting your feelings on paper
since 2000-04-02Posts 56
wow, how sweet, I think you're both very lucky to have each other, very good poem,
since 2000-01-25Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
This is sweet, Thomas!!
Love and hugs,
"Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."
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