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Teen Poetry #2
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Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand

0 posted 2000-04-19 09:32 PM

yeah, i had a title for this poem.. but I deleted the last verse, so the title is no longer fitting.. ^_^ Any criticisms are also very welcome. ^_^


A shy little girl waits by the window,
Hoping to be seen and yet trying to hide.
Uncertainly she lingers,
Wanting to enter, held back by her fear,
She thinks that she knows that she can’t.
So she stays by the window,
As she searches to find in herself,
A courage she wishes she had.
I hold my breath; her hand is raised,
Hesitating, panic stricken.
She will, she won’t, she will, she won’t ...
She glances behind her, wanting to run.
I implore her to stay, beg without words.
Urging her to open,
Opportunities door.
She does not see me,
And her search is unfruitful,
She drops her hand and flees,
Glances up, then averts her eyes,
From my beseeching gaze.
Slips unseen into the crowd,
Gone, lost, her courage; failed.


© Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
1 posted 2000-04-20 07:54 AM

Lynne, how about "Almost"....I dunno, it is hard to think of titles isn't it? Hope you find the most fitting title for this poem.

Love and hugs,

PS: I got your critique on my Sunset poem and wanted to let you know I do appreciate it and I am going to try and fix it up as soon as I have done replying to some more poems! Thanks!

 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

since 2000-04-02
Posts 56

2 posted 2000-04-21 08:36 AM

nice poem, I'm not good in titles, so I can't help you, but I like this poem,

since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
3 posted 2000-04-21 08:50 PM

How about something like..."Silent Witness"?
I hate putting titles on things too.

As for the critisim thing, I don't have any, I think that it is a wonderful poem only I'm a little unsure of the meaning behind it.
I have an idea but I'm not sure that it's acurate.  My interpretations aren't usually that accurate.  But it almost seems like the little girl is you and the present you is remembering something from your past.  The line that says..."I hold my breath, her hand is raised" and "I implore her to stay, beg without words" could be the older you wanting to change the past but know that you can't.
I don't know, it was just an idea that I had.
What was the motivation behind this poem may I ask?

Love Always,

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
4 posted 2003-01-05 11:58 PM

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I kinda lost this poem! ^_^
Thank you for your suggestions..

Shell yes, you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. ^^ Basically I wrote it because I'd seen a bit of myself in some other people, and wished that they didn't make the same mistakes as me, just because they were shy. Really,  am both the people.

Thank you for reading!!


It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

5 posted 2003-01-09 12:24 PM

I like "She will, she won't" for the title, though you already came up with a title, so nevermind!
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
6 posted 2007-11-15 07:48 PM



New Member
since 2009-06-19
Posts 2
7 posted 2009-06-19 07:46 PM

i agree with the title 'Silent Witness'. i hope you find the title you are looking for!
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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » Plzz.. any suggestions for a title??

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