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Teen Poetry #2
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since 1999-08-25
Posts 176

0 posted 2000-04-15 09:55 PM

Moonlight shining brightly
Overlooking the water
Highlighting a figure
Just beyond the deck

Crouched down and crying
Thinking how do I deserve this
What did I do to receive this
The goodness, the truth

You can't love me
I've done too many things
How did I manange this?
I've hurt too many people.

Or is this just a joke
But it can't be
I've been so happy
I pray this is real

I don't believe it
How could someone
A person of your stature
Love me for eternity

How do I deserve this
How did I receive this
The goodness, the truth
Someone to love me so


If you have suggestions on a title or anything else about the poem please let me know. I am always wanting feedback.

© Copyright 2000 Jeanna - All Rights Reserved
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
1 posted 2000-04-16 04:01 AM

Maybe "What have I done?"'s like a deceptive title cos it makes the reader think it will be sad when it is lovely! I love your poetry. Can I suggest, however, that you not post so many at one time...I think if you don't, more people will reply to the one you post. Just ease off, reply to many of the others' poems and then post one of yours and you will find people will want to reply! I love your poetry and will try to reply to anything you post!

Love and hugs,

 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

since 1999-08-25
Posts 176
2 posted 2000-04-16 10:34 PM

Thanks liz i like the title suggestion. i also agree i shouldn't of posted so many at one time i didn't think about it until afterwards..but i like your response anyways.


Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
3 posted 2000-04-16 10:58 PM

Well done.. I like this poem.. yes.. deceptive indeed.. ^_^ well, I am not great with titles.. so, probably I would not be much good suggesting an alternative one ^_^



Junior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 42
Oak Grove
4 posted 2000-04-16 11:04 PM

that was a nice poem, when i first read it i thought that it was going to be sad, but it was beautiful. Keep It Up  

since 2000-03-31
Posts 162

5 posted 2000-04-17 03:57 PM

I am not too good with titles but I do like the one that Lizzie suggested.

I love your poem. It is great.


Junior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 44

6 posted 2000-04-18 12:07 PM

I really liked the fact that this poem was not sad.  I think you should stick with Lizzie's title, it suits it well.  Good luck!
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