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Teen Poetry #2
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Shades of Humanity
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Shades of Humanity |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina 
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Blue was the ocean As she crashed on the shore Blue were her waves Lapping on the moore Blue was the world Coming in with the tide But black was the one Who had long ago died Red was the sun As she dropped in the west Red were her rays Spilling forth from her breast Red was the world All ablaze in her light But black was the one Who awaited the night Gold were her eyes As she captured his trust Gold were her words Causing anger, pain, lust Gold was her world Only fools' gold, and yet Black is the one Who will never forget Blue is your faith May it never expire Red is your love May it quench your desire Gold is your life Touch your dreams, make amends But black is your sin Who have you condemned? *There is no destination where we are Please take me somewhere far Far away from this world of mine* (by me) |
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| © Copyright 2000 Meredith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
man, all I have to say is very very good work here. I'm adding this one to my poetry book first thing. Once again, great poem. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." I am lost in my own mind. |
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dazed Member
since 2000-03-13
Posts 119USA |
Ummm what Danny said except I dont got the book ....hehehehe Dana |
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4eva_at_heart Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 238 |
ack! this is excellent!! going to my poetry wall!!!  Bec "tears are the essence of our souls" |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is BRILLIANT!!! I'm gonna paste it into my collection of all of the poems I like! Love and hugs, Lizzie  |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
I love the style, but I'm not sure that I liked the ending too much, are you sure you don't want to work on it a bit more? -- this could be a great one! |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Hey ya'll, thank you so much for praising my poetry. Master, when I started writing this, I felt like I knew what I was doing. But after the first two stanzas I was drawing a blank. The last two I wrote without actually feeling the words, just writing them. But right now I don't know what to do as far as improving it, giving it life, meaning...etc. Any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated.  Meredith *There is no destination where we are Please take me somewhere far Far away from this world of mine* (by me) |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
i do believe this is the best poem i have ever read on here!! I'm very impressed with this. the way you expressed each color and put them all together in the end without even breaking the rhythm. And the black at the end of each line i really liked. How you showed the 4 colors as being "happy and pretty" then at the end of each one you show the dark side to the light. Probably another reason i really like it is i'm not exactly sure what each stanza really means. very very nice!! "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." Henry David Thoreau Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
It's really hard to say where you were going with this one, but how about something like this for the last 4 lines? Gold is you heart Filled with love to the brim But black is the night In which colors dim Just my suggestion, and it could be better, just work on this one a little bit. Try to tie in everything from the first stanzas with the last stanza. Somehow it seems that you only needed the last two lines for the rhyme. |
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bulletproof2312 Junior Member
since 2000-03-31
Posts 28Beaumont Tx, 77707 |
Wow, Mer...Just Wow!!! This is awesome stuff, with great symbolism...way to go, *smile on in Christ's Love*  |
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natalie Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 56 |
wow, just great, you've done a real good job here, please keep on writing, natalie... |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Once again, thanks so much for all the great compliments! hoppy, i don't think i deserve what you said about this being the best you've read in here, but thank you so much for believing in me!  Skye, I love you woman! Thanx a lot, see ya Monday. natalie, I will keep writing, until I die. Thanks for the support.  Master, well, thanx for the input, for now i think I'll leave as is, until the hammer of inspiration hits me on the head. *peace* *~Meredith~* *There is no destination where we are Please take me somewhere far Far away from this world of mine* (by me) |
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**Angel** Member
since 2000-03-31
Posts 162 |
Wow, what a wonderful poem. I have enjoyed reading it. GREAT! Lindsay |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Thank you, Angel! (Lyndsay) *~Meredith~* |
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